Disclaimer: This guide is based on insights from sex educators, sexual wellness organizations, and other reputable sources, which will be linked throughout this article. If crying during sex is significantly affecting your well-being, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for guidance on the best course of action.
Have you ever found yourself crying during sex? It might catch you off guard or make you feel weirded out, but the truth is, it’s completely normal. Letting deep emotions surface is nothing to be ashamed of, especially when you’re with someone you feel safe and vulnerable.
So, what’s behind the tears? There are various reasons, but here are some of the most common ones:
1You’re overwhelmed with happiness.
During sex, your body releases several hormones, including dopamine and oxytocin. Dopamine, often called the “feel-good” hormone, boosts pleasure and reward, while oxytocin, known as the “love hormone,” strengthens emotional bonds. The combination of these hormones, along with deep affection for your partner, can create such an overwhelming sense of joy that it brings you to tears.
2You feel deeply connected to your partner.
One insightful take on this topic comes from Tugce Balik, a board-certified sexologist, Tibetan Tantra practitioner, and Ph.D. candidate. She explains that crying during sex can be a sign of your body fully surrendering to your partner because you feel incredibly safe with them. In her Instagram post, she emphasizes that “safety unlocks everything.” When you feel truly safe with someone, you let go of all inhibitions, which can bring out deep emotions.
Another possible reason for crying during sex is an overwhelming sense of gratitude for your partner. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, you may suddenly realize just how deeply loved and cherished you are.
3You just had an intense (or disappointing) climax.
According to Healthline, crying during sex can happen when your body becomes overwhelmed by the intense sensations of climax. On the other hand, frustration over not reaching orgasm or feeling like it wasn’t as satisfying as expected can also trigger emotional release.
4You’re in pain.
Another possible reason for crying during sex is pain. So, if you’re experiencing discomfort during penetrative sex to the point you’re in tears, pause and reassess. Pain isn’t normal during intercourse, so never feel like you have to “push through it.” Discomfort is a sign that something needs to be adjusted.
Adding a water-based lubricant can help if the issue is dryness, but persistent pain could indicate an underlying condition like vaginismus that may require medical attention. Exploring non-penetrative activities, like oral play, can also be a great alternative while prioritizing comfort and pleasure.
5You may be going through post-coital dysphoria.
If you often find yourself feeling down or even crying after sex, you might be experiencing post-coital dysphoria (PCD). This condition can bring feelings of sadness, irritability, or anxiety—even after an intimate and pleasurable experience.
There are several possible causes of PCD:
- Stress and Anxiety – If you’re using sex as a way to escape stress or procrastinate responsibilities, the relief may be short-lived. Once the moment passes, the unresolved stress can come rushing back, making you feel worse.
- Postpartum Depression – New moms, especially those experiencing postpartum depression, may face emotional turbulence due to major hormonal changes and the demands of caring for a newborn.
- Past Sexual Trauma – For survivors of sexual trauma, even consensual and enjoyable sex can sometimes trigger unexpected emotional responses. In these cases, seeking support from a therapist or mental health professional can be beneficial.
If PCD is affecting your well-being, don’t hesitate to seek a mental health professional; they can help you explore underlying causes and find ways to manage these emotions.
6Outside factors like grief or relationship stress are affecting you.
Another reason some people might cry during sex is due to external emotional factors, such as grief, unresolved resentment, or life stress.
For instance, if someone has been bottling up relationship issues but struggles to communicate them, those emotions might surface unexpectedly during intimacy. Similarly, if a person is grieving the loss of a loved one, a sudden memory or wave of sadness could trigger tears.
Sex can be an emotionally vulnerable experience, and sometimes, it brings out feelings we didn’t even realize we were holding in.
7Feelings of shame or guilt are surfacing.
If you grew up in a conservative environment where sex was demonized, you might have developed sexual shame or repression, instinctively blocking sexual feelings because you’ve been taught that sex is dirty, sinful, or inherently wrong.
People who experience this may struggle to communicate their desires, have difficulty getting aroused, or feel intense guilt during intimacy, sometimes to the point of tears.
Now, this overwhelming anxiety and shame around sex can still be healed. Overcoming sexual shame takes time, especially if those beliefs have been ingrained for years.
A good first step is educating yourself about sex and its benefits, helping to reframe your mindset. Communicating with your partner is also key; take things slow instead of diving straight into penetrative sex. Start with make-outs, then gradually explore other forms of intimacy, like fingering, handjobs, and oral, until you feel fully comfortable. You can also seek guidance from a therapist or counselor to help you go through deep-seated beliefs and other barriers.
What to Do If Your Partner Cries During Sex
Now, let’s shift the focus to the other side of the situation— what should you do if your partner starts crying during sex?
It’s natural to feel a bit panicked, wondering if you’ve hurt them or done something wrong. But instead of immediately assuming it’s your fault, here’s how you can support them:
1Gently check in on them.
Pause the moment and check in with them. Gently ask if they’re okay and want to talk about what’s happening. However, don’t pressure them to open up right away. Sometimes, emotions can be overwhelming, and they might not have the words to express what they’re feeling at the moment.
2Be present and offer comfort.
Aside from checking in, reassure them that you’re there for them no matter what. Let them know that they can take their time to process their emotions; if they need space, that’s okay, too.
Sometimes, just being present is enough. You don’t have to fix anything or offer solutions. A comforting cuddle, some gentle words of reassurance, or even stepping back if they ask for a moment alone can make all the difference.
What to Do If You’re Crying During Sex
Simply let it all out. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, try some deep breathing to help calm your nerves. You can open a window and let the cool breeze soothe you. While it’s not mandatory, it’s also helpful to talk to your partner—let them know what you’re feeling or reassure them that it’s not their fault. This can prevent unnecessary panic, as they might worry they’ve hurt you or that something is wrong.
It’s okay to cry. Let it go. Sometimes, emotions just overflow, and in most cases, you’ll feel lighter afterward.
However, if your tears are due to pain, stop immediately and communicate what you’re experiencing. If vaginal, penile, or anal pain persists, consider seeing a medical professional to rule out any underlying issues.
Takeaway
Crying during sex might not be the norm, but it’s certainly not weird or wrong. In fact, it doesn’t always mean something negative. Sometimes, it’s a sign of deep joy, intense affection, or even an amazing orgasm.
However, if your tears stem from pain, relationship struggles, or post-coital dysphoria, it’s worth paying attention to. Whatever the reason, remember that your feelings are valid, and if needed, don’t hesitate to seek support from a healthcare professional.
