Healthy Breakup 101: How to End Things Seamlessly

People have mixed reviews when it comes to a healthy breakup. While it can ease the tension between the couple involved and evoke more hopeful emotions, it can also be the most painful type of breakup. Then again, it’s a case-by-case scenario.

Let’s delve more into this topic through this very guide down below.

What is a Healthy Breakup?

A healthy breakup is when a couple, romantic or platonic, ends on responsible and respectful terms. While it can be difficult and often painful as you’re leaving a person who meant so much to you, you also enter a new phase of your life. While also starting to gain the healing you need.

This type of breakup shows that ending a relationship isn’t always as dramatic and intense as most people think. Regardless of your history, both parties would still be capable of handling the aftermath maturely. Moreover, such a breakup is ideal because there’s less stress and no beating around the bush. You convey your points respectfully and acknowledge that you’re no longer compatible, then part ways.

Easier said than done, but literally, a healthy breakup when things between you and a partner or friend don’t work out can spare you lots of emotional and mental distress and provide more clarity on your relationship needs.

Signs of a Healthy Breakup

Some positive indicators of this type of breakup include: 

1 Mutual Respect

We mentioned this trait numerous times, but it’s a core factor in having and maintaining a healthy breakup.

For instance, there’s respect for boundaries. May it be wanting more space, little to no contact, or even blocking each other online for a while, both of you uphold and follow through.

As for your post-breakup intentions, neither of you would bother seeking revenge, backstabbing each other, or name-calling when you’re with other people.

Regardless of what happened, both of you still keep things harmonious and mature.

2 Emotional Responsibility

Both you and your partner take accountability for your wrongdoings that brought your breakup to light. None of that blame game BS, not guilt-tripping or giving either one of you an ultimatum to stay, as that’s toxic and disrespectful. Instead, you both are responsible for your healing processes and expressing your feelings about your relationships in a mature manner. 

Dumping your traumas and pains just because who? Never heard of her. You’re a much bigger person to do that to any person, including a potential ex.

3 Clear and Proper Communication

When you’re in the throes of a breakup or having that very conversation, you’re both composed and honest. You communicate thoroughly what you’ve been feeling the past few days or weeks (even months) regarding your relationship and how it may not be something you want to keep pursuing in the long run. 

Despite the pain, you keep your words and intentions genuine while your partner actively and openly listens to you. And vice versa when it’s your partner’s turn to talk.

4 Giving Proper Closure

While closure is a personal matter and not always given, a healthy breakup between both parties can provide it anyway. Not only does it provide a more vivid understanding that things between you and an ex are over, but it also provides acceptance that the relationship had its run, a good one presumably, that has now come to an end. 

Moreover, it’s still possible that not all questions will be answered, yet both of you would still feel some sense of peace and calm as you ready yourselves to move on.

5 Setting Healthy Boundaries Post-Breakup

Upon breaking up, the two of you may want to discuss and establish some limits between you. Out of protection and peace of mind even. It may start with social media, such as blocking or unfollowing each other (permanently or for a specified period). The same can go for texting and calling. Deciding to stay in contact, all in all, is an important thing to discuss and establish a boundary for the sake of your well-being.

6 Encouragement of Personal Growth

Rather than seeing a healthy breakup as a hindrance, you view it as an opportunity to learn new things and gain new insights into life and the future. While you still allow yourself to grieve, mourn, and feel sad over the breakup, you also get to reflect on your actions and plan your next moves. A closed door means more room to enter new ones.

How to Have a Healthy Breakup

When you’re ending a relationship, you most definitely want it to occur in the most composed and mature way possible. With that in mind, browse through these tips that’ll guide you into having a healthy breakup.

1 Be certain with your decision.

Are you sure you want to end things with your partner or friend? You mustn’t have any hesitations or questions left unanswered when you ponder about them. Reflect on whether it’s something you really want, or perhaps it may be a spur-of-the-moment thing after a disagreement or based on a temporary emotion. Counter all these scenarios first before taking drastic and significant action.

2 Know your why.

In line with the previous points, it’s key to know the reasons behind why you end the relationship. Breaking up for no reason is not only toxic, but you’ll just sabotage something amazing and even yourself.

3 Be wise about the timing.

When you’re sure that you want to break up, telling them about it requires good timing. For instance, the conversation should be done during a time when you are both free and at a private place without any public interference. This is an intimate topic, after all. You should also be in a calm state of mind, and so should they, so the conversation will flow smoothly and naturally, even if it becomes emotional.

4 Keep your mood kind and honest.

It’s easy to get aggressive, start blaming, and point fingers when explaining why you want to break up. For example, “You don’t even care about me!” or “You just don’t understand my needs.”

Using “You” statements can hurt and attack your partner, which can instigate a battle-like mood, even more so when they target similar statements to you. Now, that’s not a very healthy way to approach things, right?

Instead, try using “I” statements as they let you express your concerns rather than scolding them right away. For example, “I feel unappreciated.” or “I think we need some time apart.”

See the difference? Such statements promote honesty and kindness rather than meanness and deception. In turn, it promotes a potential healthy breakup and aftermath for the then-ex couple.

5 Listen and acknowledge each other’s feelings.

When discussing things out during a healthy breakup, it’s essential to give space to the person talking and fully absorb their words, thoughts, and emotions. It promotes trust, letting them be seen and heard. Even if there are things you may not agree with, you still validate them. These steps also apply vice versa!

6 Establish clear boundaries.

We’ve discussed this numerous times throughout the guide, but this tip plays a vital role. There are social media boundaries, and there are also physical boundaries, especially if you live together. For instance, who’s the one moving out? What things will they take? Will you decide to never physically see each other again? Those kinds of questions are examples worth thinking about as you get into the process of a healthy breakup.

7 Stay away from mixed signals.

During the breakup process, you may get swayed by all sorts of mixed signals that’ll make you want to take it back and stay with it. However, those signals are temporary in contrast to your reasons that have been with you for longer. Don’t let fleeting moments cloud your judgment!

Such moments that can be tempting to take on, at least between a soon-to-be ex-couple, can include hanging out platonically “soon” or still texting each other once a day or daily. Almost as if nothing changed, which is not the goal! Because babe, if you wanted to end things, there would be tighter boundaries and even walls set in stone to protect you. 

Mixed signals may only hurt you in the long run, regardless of how good it may feel in the present. Discipline yourself to spot and avoid them so that everything falls into a healthy breakup as desired.

8 Remain calm and respectful.

During the breakup process, it’s normal to feel mad, defensive, and frustrated when expressing your feelings. It may also be because you’re taking things personally, affecting you further. With that in mind, having breaks in between and taking deep breaths may help soothe you down and regulate your nerves.

No yelling or insulting over here!

9 Allow yourselves individual space and time to heal.

In any breakup, like a healthy one, you need space to fully process and wrap your head around the aftermath. Even more so if you’ve spent all this time with someone, it’ll hurt a whole lot with this new void that you’re still getting used to. But as the saying goes, give it time. Recovery and healing is a journey instead of a stop at the train station. 

Moreover, avoid checking up on each other during this time. It’s a delicate one for you to reconnect with yourself and rebuild, so be resilient when those urges come and revert your attention to yourself.

10 Give yourself lots of TLC.

Bestie, you are going through a breakup. A healthy breakup is still a breakup. Your emotions are all over the place like a rollercoaster. You’re happy in one moment, then crying the next. Hence, prioritize self-care and self-love activities. While they should always be present even while you are still dating, maximize your options and even try new things too! This is the perfect time to do so. 

Self-care can be through hobbies, getting lots of rest, spending time with loved ones, and even seeking therapy or counseling. Place your energy as it’ll uplift you and brighten your days as you heal. 

At the same time, do reflect on your past relationship and what you’ve learned from it so they’ll serve as extra guidance towards the next one. You either win or learn something new in life. Let that be the positive reframe to ponder on in times like this!

Takeaway

A healthy breakup is a more beneficial way to end things, both platonically and romantically, with someone, even if the pain and difficulties that follow are intense. It beats the dramatics an unhealthy breakup may potentially bring. With proper discussion, taking responsibility, and having mutual respect among all things, breaking up healthily can occur.

For more relationship-related guides, such as this one, head over to the Lauvblog here.