For today’s guide, we will be talking about how to get over a breakup. Because let’s be real here– breakups suck so hard. They’re hard to get over with most especially if you’re not the one who initiated the breakup. You spend hours crying and wishing it’s just a nightmare you’ll eventually wake up from. Sadly, it’s not. This is real life and they’re gone. You two are over. Everything you once shared is gone and nothing but memories. The way they held your hand or the way you kissed. Memories that once made you so happy are now causing you great pain.
But we hope you don’t give up. Don’t lose hope. This is just temporary. As with all things, this too shall pass. You’ll be okay. Maybe not now but you will. Getting over a break up takes time. So don’t worry if you’re crying 8 hours a day. Don’t keep it in. Let it all out.
To help you sort out this situation, we’ve listed 28 things that you should do and you shouldn’t do during this process. Follow these suggestions and you’ll heal your heart in no time.
What You Should Do to Get Over a Breakup
Embarking on a moving-on journey can be overwhelming. Now, that you’re single and free, there are probably hundreds of activities running through your head. Here are the activities you should prioritize right now.
1Grieve for a while.
One of the common mistakes people do when they try to get over a breakup is that they get in denial-mode. Most people deny that they’re affected by their breakup. They pretend that they’re okay and they put on an act just to get through the day.
We get that the “fake it till you make it” tip is effective in certain areas, but it is certainly not applicable when moving on. Bottling your feelings wouldn’t help you mend your heart. You’re only putting so much stress in your mind by doing this. This can eventually lead to a breakdown if you keep on pretending that everything’s fine.
So breathe in, breathe out. You need to process the pain. Acknowledge the fact that the relationship is over. Cry and pour those feelings out. Take a few days off from work and just grieve at your home. You see, you’re losing a loved one through a breakup– a person that was once part of your life. So it’s normal if you’re gonna act as if you actually lost a loved one.
2Talk it out with your loved ones.
One of the key things that you should do to get over a breakup is to vent those feelings with someone you trust. According to this 2014 Psychology Today article, published by a clinical psychologist Leon F. Seltzer, venting out our negative feelings to our trusted allies often provides a cathartic release. You feel a sense of comfort when someone validates and supports your expressed thoughts.
Aside from releasing those negative feelings, you’ll also be able to accept the situation quicker as compared to bottling up your emotions. This is due to having deeper insights as you talk about the breakup.
Whatever you’re going through, talk it out with your friends. Cry and vent it all out. As such, tell the story once and seek guidance on the next. Your friends will be more than willing to help you move forward.
3Get professional help if needed.
If the emotional pain is getting overwhelming to the point that you’re having a hard time functioning, consider taking therapy. By sharing your story with a counselor, you’ll be able to process the pain in a safe and non-judgemental way. You’ll also develop coping strategies through their guidance.
4Disconnect with your ex on social media.
You’ve probably read this on all the other how to get over breakup articles, but if you still need a sign, this is it. Block your ex on social media. Unfollow their friends and family. This will ensure that you won’t spend all your time stalking their accounts. The longer you don’t see your ex, the quicker you’ll move on from this.
5Try new hobbies.
Maybe you’ve long wanted to have a garden of your own. Or you wanted to learn how to knit. A breakup is a good reason to do all that shit you’ve been putting off for too long. Live it up now that you have the time and energy to do so. Don’t let a breakup stop you from experiencing and trying out new things, whether that’s in school, at work, or in play.
Putting your focus on hobbies can be helpful when moving on. However, if you and your ex have shared some hobbies, we suggest holding those activities for a while. Instead, try new hobbies. Have you always been curious about crocheting? Do you want to improve your cooking skills? Check out some guides on YouTube or better yet, join an actual class. You’ll get to learn something new and make new friends along the way.
6Spend more time with your family and friends.
Another way of diverting your focus from the breakup is by spending more time with your friends and family. Have a movie marathon with them or play some online games together. Having a strong support network can only not give you the much-needed comfort, they can remind you how great of a person you still are. They will help you get back on your feet as you redeem your self-worth.
7Get moving with a new workout routine!
Exercise seems to be an unlikely way to get over a breakup, but it sure does help. Exercise is known to trigger the release of endorphins, also known as a “happy hormone”. So you can release all that shit and stress you’ve been harboring. This will help you get that negative stuff out of your system and rock a great body in the process.
So go ahead, try yoga, or maybe you go for kickboxing. Not only can these things take your mind off of the breakup, but they can also be good for your body mentally and aesthetically.
8Create a breakup playlist.
When we say create a breakup playlist, we don’t mean including all of the songs that remind you of your ex. That’s not gonna help you get over a breakup, it’s actually a trigger to those beautiful and painful memories. So avoid taking those senti songs, and instead pick poppy and happy songs that can lighten your vibe. Now, if you’re not sure what songs to include on your playlist, you can check these lauvette playlists here.
9Plan a vacation.
Most of the guides on how to get over a breakup include this tip. They always suggest trying soul searching in another country– travel to a new place you’ve never been to before.
Here’s the thing, seeing new sights and meeting new people does help you relax and gain a new perspective on things. However, when you’re still distraught about the breakup, you’re most likely not in the right headspace to travel. We get that it can be tempting, seeing that rom-com about women going on a cruise and meeting the love of their life. But again, fiction is far from reality.
So instead of packing your bags immediately and going on a trip to a new island, we suggest planning it first for a few months, then do it once you’re completely ready. Get a vision board and put some photos of your destination. This will inspire you to move forward.
Another great thing about planning early is that it’s cost-effective. Imagine if you just decided to go out of another country right now– plane tickets are expensive AF, especially if you didn’t do an early booking.
10Give your room a makeover.
Breakups may be the end of your relationship but it’s the start of a new you. Clean your mess both in a literal and symbolic sense. Clean and organize your space. This won’t just keep your mind off the breakup, this will also leave you feeling refreshed and prepared for new things to come. A messy room can not only increase your stress level, but it can also be depressing. Keep yourself busy by tidying your place.
As you’re organizing stuff, remove things that remind you of your ex at the same time. The jackets, the letters, the stuffed toys. Keep them in a box, throw them away, or return them. These are all just part of the “mess” that you have to clean. The mess that’s in your mind and in your heart.
These are all triggers. So you have to take them away. Having these items around can make it harder for you to recover from a breakup. Just keep them out of your sight to prevent you from remembering your past and grieving again. If they’re really special like a watch or a necklace, there’s nothing wrong with keeping them. But for the time being, put them away until you’ve moved on. This will not only tidy up your environment, but it will also help you feel better afterward.
11Write a letter to your ex– but don’t send it!
Here’s another unique yet effective way to get over a breakup. You’ve probably still had things that you want to say to your ex. Now, there’s still a way to express this.
Write a letter to your ex-lover. It can be as sentimental or as hateful as you like. But don’t send them to your ex or to anyone. Once you’re done pouring those feelings out, throw or burn the letter. By doing this activity, you’re basically releasing your deep feelings, lessening the emotional pain in the process.
When trying to get over a breakup, self-care is essential. By indulging in relaxing activities such as going to the spa, you’re releasing stress and tension from your body due to the breakup. It also treats the physical effects that you’re getting from the breakup, such as acne.
13Treat yourself with new sex toys.
Let’s be real here, one of the things that you would miss the most after a breakup is those long steamy sessions with this ex. You’re still probably longing for their touch and on the way, they make love to you. That’s why during this period, we suggest that you get yourself some new sex toys. This will ensure that your sexual needs are still met without turning to rebound flings.
Love toys also ensure that you’re reaching the Os, as opposed to having sex with someone. This also helps alleviate emotional and physical pain since orgasms release feel-good hormones. So go ahead, check out this catalog of sex toys and let pleasure take over.
14Spend time outside.
Yes, it’s one of the tips on how to get over a breakup. We know it’s hard and it’s tempting to just stay in your bed and sleep all day or binge-watch an entire series. But going out will do you good most especially after a breakup. Fresh air and sunshine can help clear your mind. Maybe you can spend some alone time or hang out with some of your friends. Just be sure to get out of bed and interact with the outside world even for a short period.
What You Should Not Do to Get Over a Breakup
Breakups can break even the strongest of people. Missing them will definitely gonna happen but don’t give in to the temptation. Now to prevent these tempting feelings, here are the things that you shouldn’t do when getting over a breakup.
15Don’t forget to take care of yourself.
One of the things that are never mentioned on how-to-get-over-a-breakup guides is that some people don’t shower, brush their teeth, or even drink water when they are dealing with their breakup. They just don’t do anything, most likely mindlessly scrolling on social media.
Now, as much as possible, avoid going on this route. Prioritize your hygiene and health during this period. By taking pride in what you look like and having a healthy diet, you’ll feel so much better on the inside.
16Don’t talk about your ex all the time.
It’s okay to vent out to your loved ones. It’s a healthy way of coping through the breakup. What’s not okay is if you’re talking about your ex every time you meet your friends and family. Telling it over and over again will not help your recovery. It will just trap you in the story as the victim and will make it harder to move on. Your friends might even get sick of you if you start to sound like a broken record.
17Stop stalking your ex’s social media profiles.
We get that it’s tempting to check their profiles. Maybe they’ve shared a post about being regretful about the relationship. Maybe you’re just curious about their whereabouts. But just take a step back and ask yourself, will this help you to get over the breakup? Because quite frankly, being updated with your ex only lets them stay rent-free in your mind. So same with what we’ve mentioned above, block your ex and their family members. Keep your sight away from this person.
18Don’t share the breakup deets on social media.
Your friends and followers don’t need to know that you’re trying to get over a breakup. Sharing your situation all over social media will bring more harm than good. First, your friends might see the posts and ask you about it in person. This can then trigger the heartbreak again and hinder your recovery.
Another thing is that this is an intimate part of your life. Letting everyone know the dirty laundry in the relationship wouldn’t just make the other person look bad, it’s also going to make you look bad since you’re sharing these personal things. So go on a social media hiatus– this will ensure a more peaceful healing process for you.
19Don’t turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms.
It can be tempting to party all night or have a binge-fest at home. However, excessive drinking and eating are just temporary highs with harmful effects. It’s not going to give you peace nor clarity about the relationship. In short, it’s not going to help you move on. You’re just creating more problems. So try healthier and more meaningful activities– turn to your personal projects or your loved ones instead.
20Don’t obsess over “closure.”
Never had a proper closure with your ex-partner? Things ended through a 2AM phone call? We get that having a decent closure with an ex can make things less painful, but please, stop looking for it. What you should be thinking right now are ways to get over the breakup and how to move forward from this painful experience.
21Don’t neglect your responsibilities.
As we mentioned earlier, we suggested taking some time off from work to grieve from the relationship. However, we don’t suggest grieving at your home to the point that you’re no longer completing your tasks at school or work. We get that it’s tough to bring your A-Game but you don’t necessarily have to bring it just yet. What you only need to do during this crucial time is to complete your daily responsibilities.
22Stop thinking about “what-ifs.”
It’s normal to wonder what could happen after the breakup. What’s not normal is if you keep on dwelling on these thoughts.
Here’s the thing, hun. You can’t turn back the time. Thinking on “what ifs” is going to hinder your moving on process. You may just relive the past all over again and it will be harder to let go again. What you should be focusing on right now are the things that you can do to move forward.
23Don’t go the rebound route.
Never ever date someone just to get over a breakup. You still have some emotional baggage from your previous relationship, so don’t expect that things will be sunshine and rainbows the moment you start a new relationship.
In fact, having a new partner will only highlight the memories you have with your ex. You may end up comparing this new person to them, hurting your current partner in the process. It will be unfair for you and your new partner if you take the rebound route– don’t do it.
24Don’t go for a drastic makeover.
Big changes such as breakups often signal a person to also make big changes in their environment and appearance. That’s why most people often end up in the salon the moment they broke up with someone. However, this change can be a hit or a miss– you might end up regretting the decision of dyeing your hair blue. So just take deep breaths and avoid having impulsive makeovers.
25Never text your ex.
We know it’s hard to not just text them. But then, remind yourself that there’d be no point in texting them again. If you start communicating with your ex, you may just relive the past all over again and it will be harder to let go again. Break the cycle and go cold turkey. Just keep your distance– that’s one of the effective ways to get over a breakup.
There are a few exceptions to the rule though. You can still text them if there’s a life-or-death situation involved or if you’re planning to return some stuff to each other. Just keep it civil and casual though.
We know it’s hard most especially if you’re used to talking with them. You will be tempted to give in from time to time but you have to remain strong and remind yourself why you broke up in the first place.
26Don’t immediately be “friends” with your ex.
Do you really want to get over the breakup? Here’s what you should never do. Don’t ever be friends with them right after breaking up. How would you move on from this person if you’re still in contact with them?
Being friends with someone you had a relationship with is still possible, but right after ending the relationship? That can be torturous on your end. So keep your distance for months or years, and once you’ve fully moved on, that’s when you start considering having a friendship with them.
27Don’t remain friends with your ex’s family.
This is one of the toughest ways to get over a breakup but is necessary to do so. The moment you end the relationship with your ex, you’re also ending your relationship with their family.
We know this sucks especially if you’ve been so close to their mom, siblings, and even their pet dog. But being connected with them will only make it so much harder to move on. You’ll be updated with ex’s whereabouts and you might even get an occasional “Why don’t you try to be together again?” question from their mom. So go ahead, live your own life, and keep your distance from them as well.
28Don’t rush the moving on process.
Yes, you may be feeling sad, desperate, and alone right now. But it’ll soon get better. As long as you’re giving an effort to get over the breakup, such as clearing your room with your ex’s memorabilia or pampering yourself with some love toys, you’ll feel fine eventually. Everyone has their own moving-on pace, so don’t rush it. Trust the process.
It will never be easy to get over a breakup. You don’t have to feel weak for admitting that you need help in whatever you’re going through. Sometimes, you may think that the pain will never stop and that you will never get over your ex.
But give yourself time. Rather than try to get back together and fix the relationship, think about what went wrong and start afresh. Learn from your mistakes and apply them in the future. Don’t remain stuck in the past. You can’t turn back time. What you can do now is to keep moving forward.