No relationship is always going to be smooth sailing. But put distance into the equation and you just got yourself a whole new variable to confront with. Long distance relationships don’t exactly have the best rep. You’re bound to meet long distance relationship problems along the road. Ask anyone around what they think about it, and you’re going to be answered with a scoff and a quick dismissal. It’s not for the frail of hearts. It can be torture. Saying goodbye to your lover over and over again doesn’t get any easier. But just think about it this way—what doesn’t kill your relationship, makes it stronger.
If you’re in a long distance relationship right now or about to get into one, instead of thinking that doomsday is coming for you and your partner, confront the situation with a levelheaded composure. Prepare for it and make the necessary adjustments. Identify the challenges you’re going to have to face and troubleshoot it. As always, we’re here to help you out so we compiled a list of common LDR problems and how you can fix them.
Dead air between the two of you
When there are a thousand miles separating you from your partner, there can be times when you run out of things to talk about. After you’ve already exhausted your conversation by answering the basic questions about what you both did for the day, there’s that dead air hanging over your heads that seem to be getting colder as your conversation becomes drier. It can be a sticky hole to get into. You’re anxious to connect but you can’t find a topic you haven’t already touched. When you reach that point, what do you do now?
How to fix it…
Having nothing to talk about is actually one of those long distance relationship problems that’s easy to fall into. When you’re asking the same questions over and over again, it’s normal to feel bored. That’s why you need to be a little creative and change the flow of your conversations. If your partner tells you about their day, that’s good and all. But you can follow it up with questions that can help expand their answers and give new insights to the discussion. It also shows that you’re listening intently which makes them feel valued, and in turn, it encourages them to share and talk more. You can also try searching up couple questions on the internet to get new ideas. Or why not pique your partner’s curiosity by offhandedly mentioning something then purposely changing the topic. If they’re curious, they’re more likely to be invested in the discussion. Try to be more interactive during the conversation. Virtually high-five them, make funny faces at them or stick your tongue out when you’re feeling playful. Even simple gestures like these can bring back the life to your otherwise dying video calls.
Calls or texts can get misinterpreted
Technology maybe great for bridging the gap between you and your partner. It lets you connect instantaneously even with someone from another side of the world, but without the nuances of body language and eye contact, words shared by text or even calls can sometimes be misinterpreted and contribute to your long distance relationship problems. Sarcasm and jokes, for example, don’t always translate well in the screen. You may have said something jokingly, but your partner has taken it into an insult. Miscommunications like these are even more likely to happen when there exists a language barrier. A totally acceptable comment in your language may be considered rude in another. So how do you avoid unnecessary misunderstandings and make sure that the real meaning of your message gets across?
How to fix it…
The solution to this is pretty simple. When you receive a message that’s vague to you—just ask the other person to clarify. If you’re not sure if your partner just made a joke or an offensive comment before you get your feelings hurt, ask them what they mean in a calm and collected manner. To ease the tension, you can use pet names so your partner doesn’t feel like they’re being under attack. As you communicate more and more, the better you get to know your partner. You become more familiar with their texting patterns, shifts in tone, and even their sarcasm and wit. When it comes to language barriers, you can also try to use Google to search up a word or a phrase that you don’t understand. It may be a little frustrating at times when you don’t always get something right away, but it sure beats having to start a fight over a harmless comment.
Over the top texting and calling
While you may feel like you need to constantly communicate with your partner to keep the relationship strong, it’s easy to slide to the extremes and become clingy and obtrusive. You may be sending them a series of text messages, and when you don’t get a reply right away, you send them more asking if there’s something you did wrong. Your neediness can be off-putting to your partner. It can make them feel like they’re being smothered and robbed off of their virtual space.
How to fix it…
If you message your partner, don’t always expect them to reply right away. It may be hard but you need to exercise patience. You also have to take into consideration the fact that you both lead independent lives and you have obligations not only to each other but also to work, family and even friends. You can’t expect them to always be on standby for your text messages. If you think you’re being over the top, get a hold of yourself and pace it. Give them a chance to reply first before you bombard them with more text messages. You have to respect their virtual space too. It’s not all the time they want to go on calls and exchange texts.
The ache of missing each other
At one point in your long distance relationship, you’re going to be hit with an intense longing for your partner. Missing your loved one so terribly is one of the long distance relationship problems that you’re going to have to deal with. You may lie awake at night missing them tremendously. No one said LDR is going to be easy, but these pangs of pain can be real torment. When you’re hit with unbearable missing for your partner, instead of moping about, find creative ways to spend time with them.
How to fix it…
Thanks to technology, you can do a lot of things together with your partner even if you’re miles apart. For example, you both can have fun by playing online games if that’s what you’re into. Have a good laugh as you compete to beat each other at the game. Or you can watch a horror/slasher movie together. Click on the play button at the same time and go on a Skype call and share your theories about the movie. It may be cheesy, but activities like these, where the two of you are having a good time, no matter if it’s online, alleviates the pain of being away.
You feel you’re being held back
When you spend most of your time just catching up and talking to your partner, you can’t help but sometimes feel that you may be missing out on some opportunities. Your conversations with them take most of your time that you skip on the chance to attend a friend’s party or have fun at a bar. You keep canceling on your friends that they began to not ask you out anymore. You stay up late talking to your partner that you go to work or school late. Before you know it, your social circle becomes smaller and smaller. A polarizing relationship tends to be unhealthy. Don’t let it reach a point where you grow resentment towards your partner.
How to fix it…
The goal is to be better than you were yesterday. There’s always room for improvement. Be each other’s cheerleaders. Encourage each other to meet new people even if it’s the opposite sex, find new interests, join new clubs, and work on your careers. If you focus on growing as individuals, then you gain something more to offer to the relationship.
How to get the sexy going
Sex is vital in relationships. It’s an expression of your feelings for each other. Getting physical and intimate maybe important, but when there’s distance separating you from your partner, keeping the sexy going can be a challenge. But definitely not at all impossible.
How to fix it…
For long distance relationship problems related to how to get the hanky-panky running, you’re going to need creativity. There are ways to go about it if you’re just willing to open your mind and explore your sexuality. Talking dirty through texts can be a major turn on. Exchanging naughty messages keeps the fire in your relationship. Tell your partner about your new lingerie. Take a picture of you wearing it and click on the send button. You’re going to be in your partner’s mind throughout the day, guaranteed. There are also sex toys for long distance couples that you can use to put your lonely nights to an end. Some of it come with remote controls you can easily install through a mobile app. Go on Skype video calls and have a romantic dinner date. Set the mood by dimming the lights and preparing and wearing your sexy red dress that’s too revealing for public eyes but perfect for a private Skype date.
The green-eyed monster
Seeing another girl in your partner’s Facebook pics(even if she was just a coworker and that pic was actually a group photo) makes the green-eyed monster inside you livid with furry. It’s not always about a girl though, sometimes your jealousy is directed with just about anyone who spends time with your partner. You’re thinking, “It should be me with him.” A little bit of jealousy is normal for every relationship, it can even be cute if done minimally. But can quickly be toxic if not handled in the right way.
How to fix it…
The first thing that you have to do is to calm down. Take a close look at the situation. Ask yourself these questions to gauge whether your jealousy is actually baseless or not. Is there really a reason for you to be jealous? Or is it all in your head? Has your partner been behaving differently lately? Long distance relationship problems caused by jealousy can be tough. But instead of snooping around and stalking the girl you saw in the picture with your partner, why not just confront him about it? Do it with cool composure. Let him know how you feel and ask what’s the real deal between them. Or if you’re not ready to talk about it with him, talk to your friends and get their inputs so you can look at it a fresh perspective.
Out of sight, out of mind
The old saying “out of sight, out of mind” may not always hold true, but it does happen. You may have promised each other to always call and text before your partner moved somewhere far, but there’s never a guarantee that things are going to be the same. He may be too caught up in his own life that he’s forgotten about that promise. So what can do you to remind him about you?
How to fix it…
A little trinket he can always keep somewhere with him is a cute way to remind him of you. Getting him a necklace or a bracelet that he can wear every day is your best bet. Or you can send him random gifts from time to time just to catch him by surprise.
LDR may be hard, but don’t be quick to shoot it down. It’s not gonna be easy to keep the lines open when the physical reassurances of love are removed. There are days when you feel insecure and in doubt. But as long as both parties are committed to working through their long distance relationship problems, there can be ways to get through it.