Sex After Marriage: Pros, Cons, and How to Enjoy It

Sex after marriage is due to a flurry of reasons, from religious, cultural, to even personal ones. For instance, sex is a sacred act that should be reserved with your husband/wife. Some on their wedding night or right after getting married.

But that’s only one angle of this guide.

When talking about sex after marriage, we can also delve into how different (or even similar) it is vs. having sex before marriage. When you’ve slept around or dated someone romantically and had sexual relationships with them too, sex after marriage can be a drastic shift in their life.

Whichever situation we’ve listed down resonates with you the most, we’ll be discussing each other of them over here. 

Pros of Sex After Marriage

Unlock the benefits of having sex after marriage through this section.

1 You adhere to your religion or culture.

If you’re highly religious or close to your cultural roots, doing the things that are aligned with it makes you feel stronger and more connected. You also learn more about yourself, which further roots you in your religion or culture. Moreover, you give justice to the saying of “one flesh” in some religions, wherein you become one with your partner.

There are also fewer societal pressures and judgments when willingly following your religion or culture, sparing you with stress, guilt, and shame.

2 It’s a way to deeply connect with your partner.

Sex is both an emotional and physical experience. Physically, you’re close and touching each other in satisfying ways. Emotionally, you’re letting your guard down and expressing joy and love towards each other. You also communicate in between to ensure you have a good time.

And given that you’re married, sex brings you two a lot closer and further learn more about your sexual pleasures that no one else has access to. 

3 It brings more stability and commitment.

When you find a partner who aligns with your morals, beliefs, values, etc., waiting to have sex feels a lot more special. Such alignment promotes strength and deeper commitment to each other, setting up stable pillars in your relationship. Plus, you feel more at peace and rewarded knowing that your partner is your suitable match and you can get through anything with them. By this time, sex after marriage has already been addressed, and you’re both putting in the work and efforts to make it work.

4 There are fewer unwanted issues.

If you saved yourself for marriage (and so did your partner), it’s likely to get an unwanted pregnancy or STI. If your partner wasn’t celibate like you, they should at least have gotten tested and cleared. It’s only fair for you and the fact you’re both committed to one another.

5 It introduces the idea of procreation.

Marriage is usually linked to having children of your own. If that’s something you want with your partner, then that can serve as one valid reason as to why you’re having sex after marriage. Plus, having children while married gives them the much-needed stability and security they need as they grow up. 

Additionally, you cooperate with your partner during the baby-making process, strengthening your bond. Such a healthy and happy bond promotes positivity and love among their kids.

Cons of Sex After Marriage

Browse through the downsides of having sex after marriage down below.

1 You still have to embark on your sexual journey.

Sure, sex education marks one part of your sexual journey, but the majority of it is something you do on your own. Then, only in time would you let another person into your circle. Hence, only having sex after marriage may cut your own sexual journey short or hinder it on occasion. 

Moreover, you can’t please your partner if you don’t know what you’re into or how some activities work. Sexual confidence who? She doesn’t exist for you, at least yet.

2 There’s that risk of sexual incompatibility.

 

This con mainly occurs to someone who saved themselves for marriage to have sex. They may have found a partner that ticked off each box on the standards, but in terms of sex, it’s not what they expected. In one case, their partner also saved themselves for marriage, so they’re on the same sexploration journey as you are.

3 You can lose the spark.

Marriage means more responsibilities, ranging from finances (joint even), moving into a new place, and keeping up with work schedules to potentially growing your family (pets included). Hence, it’s common for married couples to have less sex over time. Since sex (including sex after marriage) elicits lots of physical and emotional connection, your initial spark may dry off.

4 There’s that pressure for it to be perfect.

Like, think about it. You waited all this time to have sex, and now that you’re married, this is it. Your chance, or chances, to finally do it. You can already imagine how amazing, mind-blowing, perf- Okay, stop right there.

This right here is an unrealistic expectation when it comes to having sex for the first time, let alone having sex after marriage.

While it is possible to have a certain amount of knowledge on sex, doing the actual action is different. In turn, you feel pressured to make sure that everything falls into place, and it’s this toe-curling, fantastic experience for both of you. The pressure tenses you up and makes you goal-oriented, in which failing your “goal” heightens your chances of disappointment and frustration.

5 There’s a chance of regret.

For instance, some marriages can be rushed so couples can finally have sex. Only for them to be disappointed or even incompatible with them in most or all aspects. Or if they had such a beautiful bond and got married because of it, only to face such harsh trials that neither could handle. Hence, it’ll feel as if waiting for the one wasn’t worth it and that wasted time could’ve been used elsewhere or on another set of life experiences.

How to Enjoy Sex After Marriage

Have better sexual experiences throughout your marriage by learning the following key tips.

1 Communication is key.

For literally any situation involving sex, communication can solve a lot of them. Even spare you from any potential conflict right away. But at the same time, you get to unlock your partner’s desires and needs and vice versa. You’ll further learn what arouses them in the bedroom, strengthening your emotional connection and intimacy. It also encourages deeper trust and growth in your relationship as your marriage progresses.

2 Set realistic expectations.

Your first time won’t automatically be this smooth, picture-perfect experience wherein you achieve everything you want and more. That’s unrealistic, and well, if you do achieve that, it may only make your next sexcapades feel boring or disappointing. But besides the point, you must understand that your first time is exploratory. There’s no need to get things right on the first try. While you can dream big about your ideal sex life, focus first on the first few ones. For example, you know that learning the ropes of oral pleasure takes time. So you take it easy on yourself when you give head to your partner, breathing in between. Moreover, setting realistic expectations promotes patience and understanding between you two, so you become more attuned to learning and taking your time.

3 Engage in intimacy beyond sex.

Intimacy can be non-sexual, too. Intimacy deepens the emotional connection between partners (married or not), making them feel loved, safe, and protected. Moreover, it’s a great transition to learn each other’s languages. For example, one love language is physical touch. Hence, you can cuddle, kiss, hug, and handhold. Add some quality time there, too, which is another love language. All these actions add up in the long run and develop your overall intimacy, which can then impact how you feel and have sex after marriage.

4 Don’t be afraid to explore together.

That’s literally the purpose of having sex after marriage! Allow yourselves to get vulnerable and honest about your sexual desires, especially after mentioning how vital communication is. Even more so when you put those desires into action. It can be a different way to do foreplay or a new sex position. Whatever it is, it helps to explore one new thing each time, starting small and then getting into the bigger things when you’re both ready! And most of all, prioritize each other’s comfort and willingness; only do what you’re both okay with doing.

5 Laugh it off!

The first few times of having sex after marriage can be nerve-wracking and imperfect, so laughing it off can reduce any tension or nerves from disrupting the sensual mood. Moreover, humor is a great icebreaker and provides more lightness in your connection. However, timing such laughs can play a huge role. It can be before sex to reduce pressure and even after if things aren’t as you expected them to be. Plus, it lessens any frustration and disappointment. 

In other words, you don’t have to take everything so seriously!

Takeaway

Having sex after marriage is the goal for a lot of people who choose to save themselves for marriage. But at the same time, it’s a different path of exploration and discovery for those who had a sexually adventurous life before settling down. Regardless of the path you’re on, sex after marriage is a learning lesson and a place of growth that’ll only make intimacy much sweeter, given that you’re wedded. 

But above that, it’s important to prioritize communication and patience for each other when times get rocky. There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage, so learn to understand each other more and keep an open mind for exploration. That way, your spark will always be rekindled. Or better, endlessly strong.

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