Bristle Reaction: Don’t Let This Hair-Rising Response Get To You!

Have you ever experienced your partner getting up and close to you, only for you to tense up and back away? Well, that’s a bristle reaction if we ever seen one. That hair-raising effect that puts you in defense mode? Yup, your walls are up for protection. Let’s learn more about this concept down below.

What is a Bristle Reaction?

Coined by sex therapist Vanessa Marin, a bristle reaction is a physical, involuntary response to any sort of physical touch. Well+Good also cites that it can be an emotional response as well. Everyday Health adds two characters in this situation: the bristlee (the one igniting physical touch) and bristler (the one who jerks away from said touch). A bristle reaction can cause strain in a relationship, but it’s something that can be worked on to improve the couple’s dynamics.

Causes of Bristle Reaction

Unlock the different root causes of such a reaction down below.

1 Physical Touch Being Tied To Sex

If you and your partner were a lot closer in terms of sex in the earlier days of your relationship, your mind automatically processes physical touch actions during it, like kissing and hugging as sex. In turn, you may feel pressured to act on it right away if they do any of these activities to you. Hence, you tense up and stay back because you’re just not in the mood. 

2 External Stressors

Imagine coming home from work, and even a hug hello can make you flinch because you’re still stressed out with other tasks. Yup, having sex is not your agenda, and you stay away from it.

3 Sexual Trauma

Being a survivor of such trauma makes moments of sudden touch difficult to process. A simple brush on the arm can trigger bad memories from the past, even if you’re with a different partner. It puts you in flight or fight mode right away. Hence, communication, consent, and setting boundaries are important factors that must be evident here.

4 Lack of Intimacy

You and your partner may have grown apart due to numerous commitments, which can make it feel platonic and like roommates if you live together. This can also lead to a bristle reaction because you’re not used to acting sensual around them after all that lost time.

Effects of Bristle Reaction

Learn the various effects of this reaction through this section

1 Poor communication

This effect can go numerous ways. One is that when a bristle reaction happens, the bristler explains their side of the story and why it happened. For example, I flinched because I wasn’t in the mood. On the other hand, the bristlee feels offended whether or not their actions held sexual implications.

Another way this effect can occur is not talking about your likes, dislikes, preferences, and boundaries. For example, you notice that they only touch you when they want to be intimate. They don’t give you wholesome hugs or kisses, which can be frustrating. There’s a disconnection, wherein their partner doesn’t consider their preferences.

2 Breaking of Trust

Someone who had a bristle reaction may have that fear that their partner is unsatisfied with their preferences, that they always want more than what they can give. Hence, they’d avoid being with them in a sexual way. As for the other partner, they don’t feel as cherished and lose trust as well.

3 Creating Distance In Your Relationship

A bristle reaction is a clear sign of doing something wrong, even if it was unintentional. Knowing that you hurt your partner hurts you, too, making you feel withdrawn. But if you address these issues, your relationship can be salvaged.

4 Less Physical Touch

Letting go of physical touch completely or having smaller increments of it can affect your relationship. Lots of hormones are released during physical touch, along with building a connection through our bodies. Thus, less physical touch decreases your satisfaction in the relationship. And alongside less physical touch, the physical touch can be unfulfilling, worsening the stakes.

How to Deal With a Bristle Reaction

Check out this section on overcoming and working through a bristle reaction here.

1 Ponder on your triggers.

Time to do some inner work! If you’re the one who experienced a bristle reaction, take a moment to assess its potential triggers. Is it related to your body? Lack of communication? Mismatches in libido? Perhaps rooted in trauma? You may want to sit down and write those things down rather than mentally assess them. And if it’s trauma-related, seeing a professional to help you work them out is recommended.

2 Work things out with your partner.

If your partner is the one who experienced a bristle reaction, let them know that it isn’t their fault. At the same time, it’s a chance to further discuss your needs because there’s an evident mismatch here related to communication. That way, you can solve those issues and become better people in the relationship sans frustration and guilt.

3 Implement more non-sexual touches.

Go at your own pace here and work at different levels. Perhaps call this a reintroduction of non-sexual intimacy, or an introduction in case you haven’t done it before. Starting levels can be a simple peck on the cheek or a brush on the arm that expresses reassurance. It can then build up to kisses on the lips and cuddling.

This tip when dealing with a bristle reaction shows that intimacy isn’t only built and present in the bedroom.

4 Seek professional help.

We mentioned this briefly earlier, but this tip can aid in working through your inner issues. Whether it be related to sex as a whole, body images, external stressors, etc., taking this step enlightens you with information you may not have received before. In turn, it helps reshift your perspective. Perhaps along the way, you can provide a list of your okay and not okay sexual activities as they serve as your boundaries.

Takeaway

A bristle reaction is something nobody wants to experience, even if it has grown common over time between couples. The interpretation of such an action can be negative when really, there’s just a lot of inner work that needs to be done. Other than that, proper and efficient communication is key here.

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