5 Alerting Signs That You’re People Pleasing in the Bedroom

People pleasing in the bedroom primarily involves prioritizing your partner’s needs over your own. Even classifying your own needs as not important to satisfy them also counts as people pleasing. Just the concept of people pleasing is detrimental to your overall life. And in this case, it halts you from experiencing real intimacy and truly exploring what you’re into.

Let’s talk more about this topic through this short guide down below.

Signs of People Pleasing in the Bedroom

Uncover the root cause of your people pleasing through this section.

1 Choosing only to satisfy their partner rather than themselves

A people pleaser in the bedroom takes their partner’s needs a lot more seriously than theirs. They hold back from truly expressing what they want, desire, and try because they don’t want their partners to be disappointed or turned off by them. Thus, the sex they’re having becomes unsatisfying and lacking. Sex may even feel like a duty rather than something pleasurable and intimate.

2 Saying “yes” when you mean “no”

And vice versa, wherein saying no when you actually mean yes because you don’t want them to get turned off.

A people pleaser in the bedroom doesn’t know their boundaries or how to set and establish them. As a result, they delve into sexcapades that they’re not into and waste their time simultaneously. Such deception may also affect the trust and bond between partners in the long run.

3 There’s a lack of genuine connection between partners.

People pleasing can mask dishonesty, making it difficult for the people pleaser to be fully transparent and vulnerable about their wants. It also means that you may feel unsafe for various reasons, which can impact your relationship. Mind you, true intimacy and good sex come from being able to be truthful and vulnerable. Otherwise, the bond you have isn’t as authentic as either of you expected.

4 Fear of Being Judged

Given that you have your own set of sexual interests and preferences, you’re afraid that your partner will judge or look down on you. As a result, you focus on their needs only to avoid that potential feeling. But honey, keep in mind that a partner that kink shames is not the person for you! However, if that’s not in their nature and you choose not to say a thing, perhaps you just don’t trust them fully to be your complete authentic self.

5 Imbalance in Giving and Receiving

Your partner can catch on that you only focus on them when it comes to them. When they try to take charge of taking care of you, you refuse because you’re uncertain they’re down to try them or, simply, you don’t want to be the center of attention. This can create distance and tension between a couple as sex is an equal exchange of giving and receiving; even one may like one more than the other.

How to Stop People Pleasing in the Bedroom

Quit such tendencies through these helpful tips down below.

1 Learn how to set boundaries.

First and foremost, have some clarity on knowing what your limits are and what you’re okay and not okay with doing. Those are what your boundaries will be. From there, talk to them openly about them throughout your daily life. Practice saying “no” or “not right now” without apologizing. 

If you notice anyone who looks down on your boundaries, that’s on them being a red flag. In regards to this topic, if your partner is acting negatively or poorly to your boundaries, then they simply aren’t the partner for you.

An example of establishing a boundary towards your partner would be: “Hey, I’m not onboard with this sexual act. How about we try this one instead?”

2 Check in with yourself.

A people pleaser would never ask what they want or need at the moment. Heck, they don’t even inspect how they’re feeling. But if you want to change the narrative, then asking yourself about your current mood and needs is a great place to start. Only you can fill up your own cup before filling up others. 

In terms of anything to the bedroom, ask yourself if you’re agreeing to something out of fear, pressure, or guilt. Remember that sex should be enjoyable and not something we feel mandated to do. Aside from this, pay attention to your body. Is there anything tight or tense when a certain type of sexual act comes up?

Make sure to pause and take a breather as you ponder on these things.

Some self-evaluation questions you can ask are: Do I feel safe and respected? Do I feel safe and heard? Am I enjoying this, or would I rather do something else with my partner?

3 Understand that your self-worth relies on you.

Easier said than done. Growing up with various societal expectations and pressures, we often want to fit in and gain approval rather than be ostracized. But here’s the thing: we’re meant to be unique from one another. We all have our own cool set of traits that makes life a lot more exciting.

With that in mind, we must learn how to detach from the desire of external approval. Sure, it can be given freely, but it’s more on how we don’t revolve and link our confidence and self-worth on it. In line with people pleasing, we must detach our self-worth from our partner. It’s not your responsibility to take care of your partner’s sexual satisfaction at the expense of your own comfort.

Another way to uplift yourself and move further away from external validation is by challenging your own beliefs. Saying yes to appear more lovable and appreciative? Always being the giver? Declining being the receiver? Yup, time to reevaluate.

And one more thing? Affirm yourself daily. That’ll change your subsconscious mind over time.

4 Take your time in sharing your desires and you’ve done your part.

this self-work tit’s essential, it’s impitnt to share them with your partner so they know whatare going on and be on the same page with you. Ease yourself into this vulnerable state that may feel weird and foreign at first. Using “I” statements help in expressing such desires and concerns to avoid conflict and fully open yourself up to them. For example, “I feel anxious when we do this…”, “I am not fully okay with trying that…” or “I am eager to explore this sexual act…”

Moreover, don’t rush into giving consent or even doing the deed after this conversation! Real intimacy takes time to build, and you must be at a higher comfort level so you can enjoy it more and feel more at ease and calmer.

5 Consider seeking professional help.

Suppose you had a previous relationship that affected how you approach bedroom-related things or any deep traumas throughout your life affecting it. In that case, seeking professional help from a therapist can be extremely beneficial. They’ll be able to unpack deeper patterns and teach new techniques that’ll aid in approaching the core issue. Such techniques include boundary setting, assertiveness, and open communication. Alongside this, the help you can get from them is personalized to your needs.

Implementing this tip in conjunction with any of the other helpful solutions above can help reduce your people-pleasing behavior in the bedroom over time.

Takeaway

People-pleasing in the bedroom can drastically lead to disconnection, resentment, and unfulfilling intimacy. Learning to set boundaries, tune into your own desires, and recognize your worth is crucial for fostering healthy, mutually beneficial experiences. Do remember that your own comfort, voice, and pleasure matter just as much as your partner’s. You deserve good sex and intimacy that is built on honesty—not obligation.

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