Experiencing pleasure doesn’t just end when you orgasm. There are plenty of ways to practice a sensual, holistic connection between your mind and body. Tantric sex or tantra is one of the new ways of being in sexual connection that allows you to access deeper levels of feeling and energy.
In this guide, we shall be detailing how to engage in tantric sex, its benefits, the basic techniques, and some essentials. If you’re looking for where to begin, scroll down below to learn more about this amazing practice.
What is Tantric Sex?
Tantric sex is a sexual practice that’s part of the ancient spiritual path known as tantra. Tantra (pronounced than-tra) is a Sanskrit term that translates to “weave.” It refers to weaving together or uniting the masculine and feminine forces within us, heaven and earth, the human body with the transcendent, collapsing the polarities.
The purpose of tantra is to discover an ecstatic union with all of life beyond the separate sense of self. Sacred or tantric sex—an aspect of tantra—is seen as one doorway to that transcendent truth once we learn how to harness it. Tantric sex aims to expand and prolong the physical, energetic, psychological, and spiritual connection between two lovers.
Benefits of Tantric Sex
You’re still probably thinking as to how this sexual practice can help you in the long run. But tantric sex offers plenty of long-lasting benefits.
1It leads to a holistic mind-body-spirit connection with you and your partner.
Tantric sex encourages people to get to know their bodies and become in tune with them. By understanding the desire of one’s own body, one can incorporate this during sex with a partner. Doing tantra may lead to greater sexual fulfillment and more intense orgasms. You can unlock a deeper connection with yourself or your partner through breathing, massage, or partner-based methods like eye contact for a more intimate experience.
2It encourages mindfulness.
It’s hard to practice being present these days, and everyone juggles many daily stressors. These concerns and stressors can end up invading the bedroom, making it difficult to give or receive sexual pleasure. Tantric sex works to release you from distractions and zero in on your body (or your partner’s), helping you center yourself in the present moment, harness your sexual energy, and allowing you to enjoy better sex.
3It helps you release sexual blocks and tension.
Many people approach sex with certain sexual blocks, tension, or concerns—for instance, the expectation that penetration will occur or the concerns around whether you or your partner will reach climax. The goal of tantric sex is to release you from those blocks. You can enjoy tantric sexuality with or without penetration, orgasm, or even a partner. Letting go of these sexual blocks can help you relax and enjoy the present moment, promoting more spiritual wellness around the sexual experience.
4It awakens your sexual energy to flow freely within your body.
The simplest explanation of tantric intimacy is that it’s about bringing the fire of your sexual energy, passion, and desires into alignment with your spirit and a sense of goodness in your life. When these forces come into balance and harmony, the sparks of interpersonal magic start flying, and sex becomes something healing and profoundly beautiful.
5It often extends lovemaking sessions and relaxation.
Tantric sex, as we discussed in the beginning, aims for a slow, thoughtful interaction that allows you to explore and relax rather than rush toward achieving an orgasm. From long sessions of foreplay to “edging” (a sexual practice that involves cycles of intense stimulation while holding off climax for increased pleasure), tantric sex often lasts longer than traditional sexual intercourse.
How to Engage in Tantric Sex
As you’ve read the benefits and goals of tantra, we hope that you’d consider giving this practice a try. When you practice tantra, you’re essentially connecting your mind, body, and soul. So if you think you are ready for this practice, here are some steps to engage in tantric sex.
1Prepare your space and mind.
Your mental state and space directly impact your mindset and your ability to relax and enjoy that journey. Prepare your mind and space with these easy steps:
Start by softening your space. Do this by laying down a satin throw blanket and a few plush cushions.
Second, ensure your space is at a comfortable temperature. If it’s cold, turn on the heat an hour before your practice so that your room is cozy and warm. If it’s hot, turn on the air conditioner, but set it to the high 70’s so that the space is cool but not chilly.
Then, set the mood with tinted light bulbs or scented candles. Scented candles will add romance to the space and fill it with a nice aroma. Soft red bulbs, on the other hand, will give the area a sensual touch.
Create a romantic or sexual ambiance in your space by playing music that you can move to, either yourself or with a partner.
And finally, to prepare yourself, shower, select an outfit that makes you feel relaxed and sensual. Turn off or silence your phone to avoid distractions and keep you in the present moment.
2Heighten your senses through synchronized breathwork.
Your breath plays a vital role in your mood and mindfulness. Breathing allows you to free your mind, connect with your body, and feel every sensation more fully.
When you practice any of these breathing techniques, remember always to sit up straight and in a comfortable position:
The Stimulating Breath
The stimulating breath technique can increase awareness. To do this, begin with closing your eyes and soften your belly. After that, inhale and exhale quickly through your nose, keeping your mouth closed. Try three in-and-out breaths per second for 15 seconds. Breathe normally after the cycle ends, then try again for 20 seconds, increasing by five seconds until you reach one full minute.
The Ocean Breath
Relax your jaw and allow it to drop open naturally. Breathe in and out through your open mouth. (This alone can cause you to feel super sexy.) As you breathe, allow your chest to expand with your inhalations and similarly contract with your exhalations to the Cat-Cow Pose in yoga. Picture your breath traveling down the front of your body on the way in. And up your back on the way out. This exercise helps in forming a cyclical wave of energy. Continue allowing your chest to open and close with your breath. Ride that wave.
The Counting Breath
This is a form of meditation that allows you to clear your mind and help you focus. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Then, allow your breath to flow naturally. Inhale, then count “one” to yourself as you exhale. On the next exhale, count “two.” Work your way up to “five.” Then repeat the cycle, starting at “one” and ending on “five.” Don’t go past “five”; otherwise, your mind and attention will begin to wander. Try counting your breath for 10 minutes.
3Build the moment with tantric massage and eye-gazing.
Foreplay can be anything you want it to be — oral, a massage, taking a shower together. But whatever you do, make sure you and your partner are fully present. Sit in front of your partner. Look into each other’s eyes. Start to move your bodies slightly as you synchronize your breathing.
And after five minutes, start taking turns massaging each other’s arms, legs, neck, and other parts.
We suggest you try a tantric massage, wherein one partner gets to lie back and receive, getting the chance to tune into their pleasure and sexual energy. As you do this, see how you want to move your body while your partner moves their hands slowly and meditatively along yours. As you engage in foreplay, you can try gazing into each other’s eyes. Just gaze softly at each other, hold hands if you like. Take time to notice what sensations come up.
And if you’re a female trying tantra solo, we suggest you try yoni massage. Yoni is a tantric massage for the clitoris and vagina. After another five minutes, begin to kiss — and only kiss. Focus on every physical sensation you’re feeling at the moment.
4Immerse yourself fully in the experience.
You have the option to engage in sex or not! Tantra’s goal is about connection above all else. But if you do choose to have sex, go at it slowly. Touch yourself or your partner in a mix of new and familiar ways! And most of all, immerse yourself fully in each moment, let the tension build as you engage in this sexual practice.
5Go as far as you are comfortable.
Tantric sex doesn’t always have to culminate in orgasm. You can always stop the process if you feel satisfied. And to draw out the pleasure and hold off on an orgasm, we suggest you try edging, a sexual practice in which you delay the orgasm to prolong the pleasure. Edging gives you full control of your body’s pleasure, allowing you to unlock an orgasm at the time of your choosing.
And if you want to continue after the climax, you may take a pause and begin to masturbate again, moving slowly. You can incorporate toys, lotions, and different positions, but remember to breathe deeply, staying mindful of your body’s pleasure as you move in slow, meaningful rhythms.
Tantric Sex Techniques
Curious to learn more ways to do tantric sex with your partner? We list below the basic mix of techniques and positions you have to try in your next session. Mix and match these methods to techniques you already know, and you’ll be enjoying tantra in no time!
This position is amazing because it’s close and intimate, and you can do the tantric practice of eye gazing, and being close makes it easy to synchronize breath. The yab yum is a classic tantric sex position that shows up over and over, and it’s as good as its hype.
To do this position, the insertive partner (person penetrating) will sit down with their legs crossed. The receptive partner will sit on their partner’s lap with their legs straddling their partner. From here, the insertive partner can put their penis into their partner’s vagina and hold each other while rocking back and forth.
2Hand on Heart
Hand on heart is a great technique to practice synchronized breathing and feel the connection between you and your boo. First, sit cross-legged while facing your partner. Then, place your right hand on their heart. Have them place their right hand on yours. Close your eyes, and tune into their heart’s physical rhythm. Then, focus on the emotion and energy. Let the connection build between your partner’s heart and your hand, and vice versa.
Tantric kissing is a technique that is great to use during foreplay. You may have been unknowingly doing it already with your boo before. As your partner breathes out, you’ll discover yourself breathing his breath into your body and down to your sex organs. As you exhale, be conscious that you’re sharing all of yourself with your partner. Then kiss and share the breath.
4Sacred Spot Massage
To do this, slowly and gently rub your partner’s prostate gland or the upper wall of their vagina — otherwise known as the g-spot. Let the heat and energy build, allowing your partner to release pent-up emotions as they come closer to climax.
This is another great intimate technique. To do the relaxed arch, have your partner sit upright on the bed or floor with their legs straight. Sit on your knees on your partner’s lap. When comfortable, begin to arch your back slowly. Rest your head between your partner’s legs, then grab hold of their ankles or feet.
6The Splitting of the Bamboo
In this technique, the woman lies on her back and raises only one leg, placing it on her lover’s shoulder. And her other leg remains to lie on the bed. And the man gradually penetrates her, feeling the waves of pleasure together. Practice synchronized breathing and eye gazing here to make this technique much more pleasant and intimate.
This is a great technique to prolong your climax. So to do this, bring yourself to the edge of an orgasm, then pull back right before you climax. Allow the tingling, orgasmic sensations to fill your body, then start again. Don’t just do this one time, though — repeat the cycle over and over again so you can reach an intense, explosive, full-body orgasm.
In tantra, oral sex is called oral love. It’s the act of honoring your partner’s body fully and completely with your mouth. In the connected cunnilignus, your partner essentially pleasures you with oral love. The intention of the recipient is not necessarily to orgasm but to focus on your breathing and experience your partner emotionally.
Try breathing in through your nose and exhale through the mouth. This will help you connect to the sensations happening from your toes, to your vagina, to your head. And for extra boost of intimacy, prop yourself on your forearms and look down on your partner. This may feel awkward in the start, but don’t give up. It takes a while for it to become second nature.
The swing is ideal for the partner on top to feel in control. The person riding can control penetration depth and speed while also stimulating their clitoris. So to do the swing, the insertive partner lays on their back and has a range to lift and lower their pelvis. It is similar to a bridge pose in yoga. The female rides their partner and can be dominant in “swinging,” hence the name.
In the goddess pose, the insertive partner lies on their back. The receptive partner squats over the penis-owner, with their feet flat on the ground. In essence, it’s similar to a cowgirl position. You can easily keep eye contact, and the person on the bottom can lay back and enjoy the gorgeous goddess that’s riding them. And by inhaling in and out of your mouths with a connected breath, you can get into a primal flow.
This position is similar to Yab Yum, but the couple isn’t as close to one another. The lovers’ legs are entwined in “V” shapes, sitting across from one another. Each partner has their hand on their partner’s ankles for leverage and stability. This position is great if you want a more shallow and subtle penetration, eye contact, intimate whispers, full-body view of one another, deep emotional intimacy, sharing breath, and foreplay.
In the open pincer, the receptive partner lays down with their legs in the penetrative partner’s hands. Penetrative partner is on their knees and directs themselves inside the receiving partner. (A pillow or sex wedge under the receptive partner’s hip can be helpful for this position!). The open pincer technique is great for several reasons including, anal sex, deep vaginal penetration, creating more space in the vulva, self-clitoral stimulation, great vantage points from both partners, eye contact, and shared breathing.
The Tiger is a slight variation of the spooning position. There’s more space between the insertive partner’s chest and the receptive partner’s back. To get into this position, lie down next to one another—both of you on your sides. It’s a tantric sex position that requires a bit less energy and stamina than others. Slow and deep thrusts are great for this position.
The receptive partner (you) will lay on their stomach with a pillow under their hips to raise them. Your legs will be straight and slightly spread with your arms by your sides. The insertive partner will lay on top of their partner, resting their forearms on the bed to prop themselves up slightly. You can feel the front of the top’s heart connecting to the back of the bottom’s, and both partners can inhale and exhale out of their hearts and focus their energy there for different connections.
The woman lies on her back in the turned dragon while the man comes on top of her, supporting his knees on the bed. The female lifts her hips, meeting the male’s penetration. He penetrates her while caressing her breasts and arms. Another intimate position, it’s a more mindful variation of the missionary position. And make sure you synchronize your breathing together to feel the same waves of pleasure in this tantric sex technique.
Tantric Sex Essentials
As you’ve learned the ways and tricks to engage in tantra, you’re probably excited to try it out on your next sexcapade. And here we have a list of essentials for your tantra session.
Frequently Asked Questions
You’re now geared up with the knowledge and items for tantric sex! But we get that you may still have more questions. We have that covered for you too as we list some of the common tantra questions below.
1How long should tantric sex last?
Many people tend to worry about whether they take a short or long time to reach orgasm. Do not forget that the goal of tantric sex is not to get an orgasm but to reach your inner divine being through sexual enjoyment. For this reason, the time you delay, even if you do not reach ejaculation, will not be important.
Eliminate any worry that adds stress or anxiety and prevents you from enjoying it. Attend your massage without expectations, and you will see that you will leave as new, physically, mentally, and spiritually.
2How can people practice tantra during masturbation?
Practice focusing on the sensations in your body rather than porn or fantasy. Inhale and imagine that the sexual energy moves from your genitals up your spine. Then the energy flowing back down the front of your body to your genitals. Keep doing this over and over. Open your mouth and let your body release sounds to release tension and heighten sensitivity. For women, you can practice giving yourself a yoni massage.
3What do tantric orgasms feel like?
The key to achieving tantic orgasms is to practice deep breathing and engaging your senses in each technique you do. They’re often more intense than typical orgasms, with the sensations spreading throughout the entire body, and they last longer.
4When someone is experimenting with tantric sex, what are the physical signs that they’re “doing it right”?
If you’re a beginner, the sensations become more intense and expand beyond the area of the genitals. The orgasmic energy loops throughout the body or rushes like waves. And orgasms happen over and over.
5Does it hurt to receive a sacred spot massage?
By massaging your erogenous zones, your partner will have to take your feelings into account. You have to let your partner know the perfect technique to approach your prostate or your g-spot gradually. In addition, your partner will use a lubricant that will start rubbing in the area with their index finger. This massage will take away any tension and help to delay the entrance as he perceives that your excitement increases. He will introduce his fingers and stimulate your g-spot. You have nothing to fear because it is one of the areas in your body that can give you the best pleasure once stimulated.
Learning how to engage in tantric sex can help unleash your sexual energy and boost your intimacy with your partner. Ultimately, it’s a way to become more present and cherish pleasure each step of the way. And if you want to learn more deeply into the practice of tanta, we recommend you check out Layla Martin and Sofia Sundari. They are two highly-regarded tantra experts who have websites showing techniques harnessing the tantric practice.