Is Sex Before Marriage Good Or Bad?

Sex before marriage, or pre-marital sex, is the act of doing the deed before getting married. This is commonly done among teenagers and young adults who are curious about such an act. Even those who are in their thirties and above who aren’t married have sex outside the marriage act. While most people assume that the “sex” spoken about here refers to penetration (vaginal), it also includes masturbation, oral sex, and using sex toys.

Anal sex too counts! Some people don’t count this as sex sex, but it still involves insertion and pleasure.

There are mixed views regarding sex before marriage, from the conservative to the more progressive ones. There are a lot of factors that can play into your stance on this, so let’s further understand this concept through the guide below.

Is Sex Before Marriage A Bad Thing?

Well, it can heavily depend on your personal beliefs, cultural background, and religious beliefs. In line with the latter, those raised under the Catholic faith deem it as such. Furthermore, the sexual act is sacred and must be reserved until you get married. Even if you’ve been dating someone for a long time, keeping sex until you say I do is preferred.

Moreover, some people prefer to abstain due to the existence of sexually transmitted infections or simply waiting for the right person. Not necessarily for marriage but for someone with whom they share a deep connection.

Importance of Sex Education (Regardless of Stance)

We can only have differing views regarding sex before marriage, but that shouldn’t erase the importance of proper sex education. Only teaching the kids (especially teenagers) abstinence won’t do as much to protect them from their curiosity unless they’re really consistent with it. 

But on the other hand, other younger people who’d want to know about sex and whether or not they want to do it. Thus, having this part of their school curriculum would provide them much-needed knowledge about their own bodies, various means of protection, sexual health illnesses, and more.

This field of education shouldn’t be viewed as taboo, ignored completely, or taught at a surface level way because it may only endanger those kids. Let them know about this aspect of their being, and then they get to decide where they stand.

Pros of Having Sex Before Marriage

Unlock some of the benefits of this act through this section.

1 You learn more about your sexual identity.

This pro is so important! We can only and truly figure out who we are sexually by actually getting into the deed, whether it’s through partnered sex, masturbation, sex toys, and the like! Only getting into this after getting married may not feel as special because you’re also rushed into understanding what your partner likes and dislikes. 

If you don’t even know your sexual side well enough, how else are you going to satisfy your partner? And what if along the way, you’re actually not attracted to their sex? Or that they just aren’t sexually compatible with you? These things must be considered before getting married. Sexual standards are important in relationships, too!

2 You can already assess sexual compatibility.

Relationship compatibility is one thing, but sexual compatibility is another! While you have your own ways of expressing love and such, lacking physical intimacy with each other may make your relationship suffer in the long run. Physical intimacy helps determine whether you’re sexually compatible or not. Do you like being touched here or there? Are you a good kisser? Is there a certain technique of kissing you like from them? Are they great cuddlers? What’s their head-giving game like?

These questions are just examples of what to observe and ponder regarding how physical they are with you. They help determine if you’re sexually aligned and compatible with you if you’re looking for a long-time partner.

3 You build more trust with your partner.

Sex, especially before marriage, lets your guard down, bringing out your vulnerable side. Hence, you need to have a lot of trust in someone to show that side of yours. In turn, you also enjoy each other’s company because this moment – having sex and laying it all down – makes you feel safe and at ease. At the same time, you understand each other’s boundaries and limits better and prioritize communication so that you avoid facing unnecessary conflicts.

4 You communicate better with your partner.

Sex requires a lot of trust, and trust can be built through communication. How else can you voice out what you need and do not need? What’s okay to do and what isn’t? What are you into, and what can be reconsidered? Yup, communication gets to answer all those questions and keep you guys on the same page. So expect none of that mind-reading BS and overall being open to each other, improving the sexual aspect of your relationship every day.

Not just that, you and your partner become more emotionally connected when you communicate your needs and desires. Knowing each other better makes sex more enjoyable and satisfying, even more so when it’s done before marriage, as it can spare your numerous marital issues beforehand.

5 You’ll have a happier relationship.

Given that sex releases a lot of hormones and chemicals that are linked to positivity and bonding, having sex before marriage feels more fulfilling and healthier. You also learn about what makes them feel good in the bedroom, contributing to more happiness.

6 You understand each other better.

There are certain things about your partner that are best discovered through sex. Are they kinky? Vanilla? Have a preference for certain sex positions? Doing that before marriage makes you understand them better and how they work. You put more extra effort into making your relationship work before even considering marriage, strengthening your bond a lot further.

Cons of Having Sex Before Marriage

Browse through some downsides to doing the deed prior to marriage here.

1 You’re prone to getting ill.

And by ill, we mainly refer to sexually transmitted infections and diseases. However, this con can only occur if you didn’t have proper sex ed or any prior knowledge of how sex works. Even not knowing your partner’s sexual history may impact your health.

2 There’s a risk of an unexpected pregnancy.

If you’re not well-versed in how your body works and the intricacies of sex, especially protection, getting pregnant may occur. It’s stressful if it’s with a partner you don’t have a close connection with (e.g., one-night stand) and if you live in a country wherein abortion is illegal. Plus, scrutiny and judgment may also come your way if you’re surrounded by conservative people.

Moreover, some people may become single parents because the other party doesn’t want to take responsibility.

3 It may impact your self-esteem.

If you do it, you get judged by those who are more on the religious, conservative sides of things. If you don’t do it, your peers may look down on you as you don’t fit in with them. Sex before marriage may be a topic that’s like a double-edged sword, wherein whatever you choose, there’s disappointment laced into it. People may even shame and guilt-trip you, which can hurt your confidence.

But if you stand fully grounded on your beliefs, then those people wouldn’t dare to influence you otherwise.

4 It may strain certain relationships.

Specifically, if you have parents or other loved ones who don’t share the same sentiments with sex before marriage. In other words, their religious beliefs don’t align with theirs. As a result, it can create tension between you and the said parties.

5 Someone may get attached.

This is one reason why a lot of friends with benefits or situationships end! Having sex, in general, makes someone attached, given just how many emotions are involved in the deed and that you’re so vulnerable with them. And with vulnerability, it builds trust regardless of your set-up.

Another thing to consider here is if physical intimacy is the foundation of your relationships. Garnering strong emotions like love and affection may not be reciprocated; you even make a deal not to fall for each other.

But when that doesn’t work out, it hurts a whole lot. Hence, it’s a valid reason for some people to avoid sex before marriage or even as a whole.

6 It evokes feelings of shame and guilt.

Let’s emphasize this point a little bit more than earlier. We live in a judgmental society. If you’re from the Philippines, we live in a society where religion plays a huge role in, well, everything. Having sex before marriage is unacceptable, even with lots of progressive-minded people present. Just the idea of being sexual or having access to proper sex education is just no. Abstain, they say! Hence, we may grow up feeling ashamed and guilty in our own skin, even more so when we start developing sexual curiosity.

How to Navigate and Figure Out Where You Stand

Sex before marriage is a tricky topic. There’s really no right answer as to where to stand. However, one way to figure out what your perspective is is to evaluate your own beliefs. What is sex to you? Is something emotional, spiritual, or physical? Must you wait for the right person for it, or can it be something casual?

You may also consider your own faith (if you follow one) or perhaps your spiritual beliefs. See if they align with them or if it’s worth questioning.

Inspecting your emotional readiness is another key factor here, wherein you prioritize where you’re at and what you’re feeling about sex rather than let other people or society dictate and pressure you otherwise.

A few more extra tips to consider here are assessing your relationship goals (dating to marry or dating casually?), confiding in close, trusted companions about the topic, setting the right boundaries that align with your beliefs, and accepting that your opinion will change over time.

Takeaway

People have different stances on having sex before marriage, which can often cause tension and disagreements. So it’s important to respect them, given that we all have different life experiences and beliefs that influence our stance. But it’s also key to correct any misconceptions to at least ease said tension.

For more culture-related guides such as this one, you can check us out over on the Lauvblog here.