How to Overcome Sexual Incompatibility

For some (or even most) relationships, sex can make or break it. In terms of the latter, it can be due to sexual incompatibility. Not seeing eye to eye on sex? Like literally you’re ready to give up without at least trying to solve it.

Let’s delve into this topic a lot deeper through this short guide.

What is Sexual Incompatibility?

Sexual incompatibility is when a romantic couple is not on the same page or wavelength regarding sexual desires. In other words, Choosing Therapy points out that you have different sexual preferences, fantasies, frequencies of the deed, etc., that make it hard to have good sex with them.

When left unaddressed, it may dampen and affect your relationship, as sex does play a strong role in it. It’s a time when you lower your guard and get intimate, unlike with anyone else. And if neither of you can meet each other’s needs, it leads to dissatisfaction and even frustration.

Signs of Sexual Incompatibility

Some key signs of this phenomenon that you’d want to look out for include:

1. Lack of sexual excitement
2. Less sexual engagement
3. Misaligned sex drives and cravings (e.g., you like it chill while they like it rough)
4. Feeling distant from your partner
5. Feeling forced or wanting to get it (sex) over with
6. Less sexual chemistry between you two
7. Lack of sexual and physical attraction 
8. Lack of sexual fulfillment
9. Less intimacy towards them (even through non-sexual acts)
10. Not trying new things together (may even spark conflict)

How to Overcome and Fix Sexual Incompatibility

Solve this relationship issue through this section of tips down below.

1 Prioritize communication.

Sexual incompatibility is mainly a communication and a lack of understanding issue among couples. Thus, communication is the main foundation into fixing this issue. This is your chance to reconcile your sexual differences and to further learn more about each other’s sexual preferences and why that is so. Add in some non-sexual intimacy acts in the mix and you’ll both feel a lot better and more at ease towards each other.

2 Keep an open mind.

Perhaps you and your partner haven’t been as flexible in accepting your needs and interests as much as you thought. You declined a sex position in the car that they want to try while they refuse to get cuffed with handcuffs. While it’s important to respect boundaries, there’s a fine line between that and rigidity.

The latter can create more tension in a relationship, creating more conflict between you two. Hence, learning how to compromise and give extra leeway to new opportunities is key to having much better and improved sexual compatibility. 

And who knows, you’ll learn new things about yourself and have a lot more fun than you thought! You’ll never know that unless you cross that bridge.

3 Try new things.

If sex feels like a routine and you’re frustrated, you may want to explore new and different sexual activities. At your own paces, of course, so neither of you get overwhelmed. Going out of your comfort zone encourages growth and empathy as you embark on novel acts together. Even more so when you gain mutual liking of such acts that beat your previously mentioned sexual differences.

Moreover, you feel more comfortable around each other as you explore and try all sorts of new things together. As a result, it boosts your sexual compatibility to a higher and happier level.

4 Schedule sex.

Boking sex into your weekly calendar is a great way to show just how much you value sex in your relationship, and to stay on top of your individual sex drives. Plus, it lets you prepare beforehand so you don’t get nervous or tempted to back out. You also get to control when and where you do it, which will help you be at your best when you have sex.

5 Take your time.

By this time, you’ve already let each other know more about your differences and slowly implementing new ways to make sex fun again. During this trial time, give yourselves grace and patience. Adjusting to each other’s interests and drives is not an overnight feat, and honoring each other’s boundaries is important too. Starting small too is also key here into being aligned with each other sexually, also reducing any previous shame or guilt.

6 Seek professional help.

Consulting with a professional would be our biggest suggestion if any previous solutions were maxed out or weren’t as effective as you expected. They’d be neutral and open as they listen to your concerns and provide personalized advice for you and your partner. Professional help can look like a couples counseling therapist or a relationship counselor.

Takeaway

Sexual incompatibility in a relationship doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. It mostly shows that there’s a lack of communication and understanding of your sexual sides towards each other. We’re all built differently, so we must let our partner know what we’re into, how often we want to have sex, and so forth. That way, we’d have better running sexcapades, anticipate sex and intimacy more often, and gain more new knowledge one another in the process.

For more sex-related guides, head on over to the Lauvblog here.