A common misconception about sensual sex is the idea that anything sexual is automatically sensual. But according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, sensual is defined as “the gratification of the senses or the indulgence of appetite,” while sexual is defined as “having or involving sex.”
In short, sensuality is about indulging the senses like touch, taste, smell, sound, and sight, while sexuality focuses more directly on satisfying sexual urges. Sensual sex blends both, but they aren’t one and the same.
That’s why, for those who crave sensual sex, it’s not just nailing certain pleasure techniques or sex positions. It’s much deeper than that, and we’ll share some tips to help you explore exactly that.
What Makes Sex Sensual?
Though it involves stimulating all of the senses, there’s no general rule on what sensual sex should be. That’s why before you communicate with your partner or prepare the essentials, take some time to reflect and ask yourself:
“What does sensual sex mean to me?”
What makes sex intimate on your end? Is it the subtle yearning right before you head into the bedroom? Does it come with that raw, fiery energy to the point you’re tearing each other’s clothes? Does it involve a lot of making out? Dirty talk? Erotic massages?
Consider writing down these ideas; you might need that when talking to your partner later. Not only that, but jotting down your desires is also a great reminder that you deserve sensual sex in your own definition, and not just what sexual wellness guides or your partner tells you.
Sensual sex can be whatever you want it to be as long as it pleases your own and your partner’s senses. It can be quick and intense, or it can be slow and steady. You can use sex toys or opt for a more “hands-on” approach. It can also involve lots of moaning and talking, or it’s filled with intimate gazes.
Sensual Sex Tips
Not sure how to ease into sensual sex? Here are some tips to consider:
1Begin with communicating.
It might sound cliché at this point, but communication really is the best place to start, especially when you’re exploring something new in the bedroom or looking to improve your current sex life.
You know your partner better than we do, so choose an approach that suits them. Try starting with gentle questions about how they’re feeling about your current sex life, or even share blogs or posts (like this one!) that touch on sensuality and pleasure. These can be great conversation starters.
And remember, timing matters. Bring up these chats when you’re both relaxed, like during a cuddle or after a good laugh. Creating a safe, pressure-free space makes all the difference.
2Make the necessary preparations.
Once you’re ready to get down to business, it’s time to set the stage. Prep can be as simple as swapping your sheets for something silky or as extra as giving your whole bedroom a full-on makeover. Go with whatever feels right for you and your partner.
Don’t forget the essentials: condoms, lube, toys (if that’s part of your plan), and any other goodies you want close at hand.
Also, make sure everything else is out of the way so you can stay fully present. That means finishing up any to-dos, locking the door, and switching your phone to do-not-disturb.
3Build the connection and anticipation first.
As you ease into the moment, take your time with the warm-up. Building anticipation and connection is part of the pleasure. Depending on what you and your partner enjoy, this could mean plenty of kissing, cuddling, touching, talking, or anything else that deepens the intimacy.
Remember, there’s no strict rulebook for sensual sex. Focus on creating a space where vulnerability and pleasure can truly thrive.
4Try matching each other’s breath.
Did you know that physiological synchrony—like matching breathing patterns—has been linked to greater sexual satisfaction in couples?
One simple way to try this is by syncing your breath during intimacy. Start by holding each other close, placing your hands on each other’s chest, and tuning into the rise and fall of your bodies. You might even feel each other’s pulse. Then, gently try to match your breathing.
It might feel a little awkward at first, but give it a few moments, as it can create a powerful sense of connection and presence that’s totally worth it. However, there’s also a possibility that it might not work, but no worries, as there are still other ways to cultivate that intimate energy in the bedroom.
5Stop focusing on orgasms.
Sensual sex is all about deepening connection and engaging all the senses, which is why it helps to take the focus off orgasms. Think of it less as a race to the finish line, and more like a slow, scenic stroll where you savor each moment.
Orgasms are wonderful, of course! But when the goal is just to get off, you might miss the real magic of being present with each other. Ironically, the more pressure you put on reaching a climax, the more elusive it can become. So slow it down, tune in, and let pleasure unfold naturally.
6Consider taking some breaks.
This might be an unconventional tip since most couples don’t usually do it, but consider taking breaks during sex.
And no, we don’t mean walking out to the balcony to doomscroll with a beer in hand. We’re talking about intentional pauses: moments where you stop the sexual activity but stay connected. That could mean cuddling, kissing, talking, or simply lying together in comfortable silence. These breaks can ease the pressure to perform or “reach the goal,” and they often deepen intimacy in surprising ways.
7Be mindful and present on the deed.
Sensual sex is all about engaging every sense, which is why being fully present is key. You should give your partner your full attention and gently let go of outside distractions.
In that space, your focus shifts to how their skin feels against yours, the rhythm of their breath, and the emotions you share. The more present you are, the deeper the connection and pleasure you both can experience.
8Aftercare is a must.
After sharing such a sensual experience, ending on a deeply connected note is just as important. That’s where sex aftercare comes in.
Originally rooted in BDSM communities, aftercare is now embraced by many couples, regardless of how kinky (or not) things get. It helps nurture emotional closeness and ease back into reality together. Aftercare also helps reinforce trust and intimacy, reminding your partner that they’re seen, safe, and valued.
What does it look like? That’s up to you and your partner. It could be cuddling under the sheets, taking a warm shower together, ordering your favorite takeout, or even grabbing coffee outside.
Challenges to Consider
Trying out sensual sex can be exciting, but it’s normal to face a few challenges along the way. Here are some things that might come up:
1It can be awkward at first.
If you’re used to fast-paced sex that focuses on genital stimulation and less on emotional connection, easing into sensual sex might feel a little awkward at first. The vulnerability it invites, such as slowing down and making eye contact, can be unfamiliar and even a bit intimidating.
But here’s the good news: that initial awkwardness is completely normal. It doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong or the experience will be less enjoyable. Sensual sex is a practice, not a performance. So give yourself (and your partner) permission to grow into it together.
2Some people prefer a quicker approach.
If you haven’t come across it yet, there’s a fascinating concept called the Erotic Blueprint. Created by an award-winning sexologist and author, Jaiya, the framework suggests that people tend to have different preferences when it comes to sex, generally falling into five categories: Sensual, Sexual, Energetic, Kinky, and Shapeshifter. We highly recommend checking out this article to learn more; it’s an eye-opening way to better understand yourself and your partner.
Now, if you identify as more sensual and your partner leans sexual (or vice versa), you might find that sensual sex doesn’t naturally click at first. Sensual types often crave slow, emotionally connected, sensory-driven experiences, while sexual types tend to focus more on direct pleasure and orgasm. This difference can sometimes lead to mismatches in the bedroom.
That said, it’s not a dead end. It may take a little more effort than if you shared the same blueprint or if one of you is a Shapeshifter (who naturally adapts to multiple styles), but compromise is possible, and it can even deepen your connection in the process.
3It might be more challenging to try with a casual fling.
A common myth about sensual sex is that it only works with a long-term partner. That’s not the case, as you can share a slow, sensory-rich experience with a casual partner or a friend-with-benefits, provided you’ve talked things through beforehand.
However, it can still be tricky if you’ve only met a few times and haven’t connected outside the bedroom, because sensual sex thrives on trust and vulnerability. Some people find it easier to be romantic and deeply sensual with someone they love, which doesn’t always fit a casual or hookup dynamic.
So feel free to explore with a fling if you both feel comfortable, but if you know you need a stronger emotional bond to relax into sensuality, it’s okay to wait until that kind of connection comes along.
Takeaway
Sensual sex might not be as primal or playful as other styles, but one thing it absolutely brings is a deeper sense of connection between you and your partner.
At first, it might feel a little awkward, and you may even catch yourself overthinking, but that’s completely normal. With enough time, practice, and a genuine interest in being present with each other, you’ll likely discover a new level of intimacy that goes beyond the physical.
