Sex is always about having a good time. You gain pleasure from a second party (or self-inflicted) because you crave it. First is the foreplay. The second is the actual deed. Third, getting that O. Lastly, the sex aftercare. Those steps are what make up sexual intercourse. And we want to make sure that all these steps are properly done, right? No faking o-s over here; it’s already 2022. We deserve it better!
Don’t get us wrong. We advocate getting real o’s in sex, safely practicing with whomever to increase our experience. However, the importance of doing sex aftercare cannot be forgotten. In addition, we don’t talk about this final step enough!
For today’s topic, we’re gonna discuss what exactly sex aftercare is and why it’s so important to do. And if you stay a little longer, we got some ideas on how you can look after your partner after getting naughty.
What is Sex Aftercare?
Originated in the BDSM community, sex aftercare is the act of taking care of you and your partner after having sex. In other words, you’re both unwinding after getting naughty and kinky. So make sure to check in with each other. if you’re still on the same boat. Physically, mentally, and emotionally.
This step should be easy and natural to do. Fun even because you get to spend more time with your partner. Unfortunately, some partners don’t do this for various reasons. We’ll explain to them as we go along.
BDSM or non-BDSM, together or not, sex aftercare is essential.
Compassion must co-exist with aggression in the bedroom.
Why Is Sex Aftercare Important?
Since people often overlook this step, they miss out on the benefits and learnings they can gain from it. So to reiterate, sex aftercare is as relevant as foreplay and sex.
Here’s our breakdown of reasons highlighting why taking care of your partner post-sex is important.
1 It gives reassurance to your partner.
When you’re having sex, you set a lot of emotions and chemicals free. According to Shamyra Howard LCSW, a sexologist, she shares that chemicals like dopamine (reward chemical), oxytocin (love chemical), and prolactin (responsible for lactation) are released when the deed is done.
As for emotions, you’ll feel more affectionate, intimate, and vulnerable towards your partner. They’d also feel the same. Regardless of your arrangement with them. By reassuring them that you’re satisfied by doing sex aftercare activities, it makes them feel a lot better about themselves. Being bare to someone else’s eye aside from yourself can make you feel shy, so tell your partner that they’re doing great.
2 It eases your mind back to reality after being in the zone.
Especially in BDSM, you and your partner channel different personas (dominant/submissive). Whether toys or intense verbal talk are involved, you’re in your own universe. So once the session is over, you and your partner need to rest and clean up.
With sex aftercare, there’s no rush in resuming your normal life. After the act, you tend to space out from such stimulation, trying to catch your breaths even. Thanks to the step, you can relax in the presence of your partner without any worries. This also applies to non-BDSM sex, wherein you can loosen up without any pressure after relieving yourself from all the stress — just pure affection.
3 You swerve away from post-coital blues.
Formally known as post-coital dysphoria, this is defined as gaining negative emotions after having sex. From anxiety, sadness, and even depression, it so happens that this happens more to women than men. According to this research, around half of the women experienced feeling pessimistic about themselves post-sex.
You can derive post-coital blues from one’s past abuse, trauma, and resentment. It can resurface when you’re wrapping up your session. Sometimes when you least expect it, your emotions can plummet and the insecurities kick in.
With sex aftercare, giving and receiving affection can surely avoid getting those saddening feelings. Like what we mentioned earlier, sex aftercare gives reassurance. That’s strong enough to combat the post-coital blues. You can even feel more confident knowing that there’s someone who wants to ensure you’re taken care of at best.
4 It tightens your bond with your partner.
Showing your nude self to someone heightens your vulnerability because it’s not something you’d do regularly. Even if you’re in a happy relationship, you must’ve felt quite bashful the first time you showed your skin to your partner. Sex aftercare allows you to know more about your partner and their other needs because there are many ways to practice such. And by knowing their needs, you get closer to them, and it’ll be easy to remember what they like the next time you do it.
Plus, that vulnerability won’t last long if you maintain the trust you build with your partner over time.
5 It’s a sign of respect.
Regardless of your label, sex aftercare is a way of showing decency towards your partner. Since sex is strenuous, it’ll wear you out no matter how many rounds you go. But that’s not an excuse to miss out on sex aftercare the second you’re dressing up to leave them just because “It’s not in our agreement. Being intimate isn’t our thing.”
That excuse is not sufficient to skip this step because you’re not romantically together. Looking after each other when you get down and dirty should be a human reflex, and it just shows that you can be a kind person in and out of the bedroom.
How to Practice Sex Aftercare
Most of the time, sex aftercare is non-sexual and merely focuses on building more trust with your partner. And we have a bunch of ideas to try out to achieve just that.
Who doesn’t love a good cuddle session after doing it? Assuming that you’re already in the bedroom, decide who the big or little spoon is once you’re entangled in each other’s arms. Have some light-heart conversation too to relax even more.
2 Clean up after each other.
Of course, you’re gonna create a mess in the sheets after getting those satisfying O’s! Use either wipes or a wet cloth to gently wipe your legs and private parts. If you’re still physically capable, change the sheets to a new set. And oh, don’t forget to pee!
3 Debrief about your session.
Whether you’re lying in bed or dressing up again when you did the deed somewhere else, smoothly bring up to your partner your thoughts about it. Start with your favorite parts. Then if applicable, share what can be improved next time. Honesty is key to having a good relationship with your partner and getting some good loving and touching.
4 Have a shared shower or bath.
If you’re left feeling icky and sweaty, offer your partner to take a shower or bath together! Warm water is best to wash away that grime and is more soothing. Also, don’t be afraid to lather shampoo or soap on your partner for further intimacy.
5 Buy takeout.
Since sex is like an exercise that burns out many calories, it’s unavoidable for your stomach not to grumble after. Although cooking makes a great suggestion, preparing alone beforehand may be time-consuming, and you don’t want to be lying around with an empty stomach. Open whatever food delivery platform app on your food and check what restaurants are nearby. We suggest that you pick one you both like and deliver in less than 30 minutes.
6 Watch a movie.
Take Netflix and chill. But you’re doing as it says.
This idea works for any streaming platform you have access to. Search up any movie you enjoy and press play. If you want something that’ll put you on the edge (non-sexually, of course), pick suspense, thriller, or horror. Need a laugh? Go for comedy. Feeling lovey-dovey? Settle for a romcom.
7 Play a video game.
If you and your partner enjoy getting competitive with your respective controllers, why not unwind by inserting your favorite video game on your console? Whether you stay in bed or move to the couch, get loud and lively! Try your very best to win over your partner!
This also applies to mobile games! Might as well turn that “Do Not Disturb” option on or unmute your notifications while you’re getting your gamer selves on.
8 Light a candle.
If you or your partner are into adding aromas that are heavenly to the nose and body, lighting a scented candle is one way to go. For relaxation, we suggest you get a lavender candle. It has extra benefits of improving your sleeping pattern. Other aromas worth trying are:
- Peppermint to sharpen your mind (especially when you daze out for too long post-sex)
- Jasmine to alleviate muscle tension.
9 Sleep beside each other.
After doing the deed, exhaustion is common, and hard to fight back. Take it from us: your body is faster to crash than your mind. But if you have your ways of doing sex aftercare (or digging our suggestions so far), push them aside first. Sleep is a reward in itself.
So don’t fight it! Snuggle your partner and freely doze off as is. Being as close as you are is comforting enough alone. If you’re not in a romantic setup, opt to place pillows between you and your partner to keep your boundaries intact.
10 Give each other a massage.
Do you or your partner have magic hands? Hands that aren’t just amazing while having sex? Well, this idea is for you!
Nudge into those knots, and sore tendons on their back, shoulders, or anywhere you think needs attention. If you want extra soothing factors, include a massage oil as you rub each other’s bodies and keep the lights dim.
11 Share some light kisses.
So you’re sprawled on the bed. You’re still naked, drying up after wiping off some secretions from your o’s. You’re catching your breath, brushing your hair, and wiping off that sweat with your hands. And surely, your partner is also on the same page as you.
So if you’re still drunk on that intimacy (especially if you’re together), let them know your affections by fluttering them in kisses. On their chest, collarbones, shoulders, cheeks, fingers, and perhaps tease them by leaving their lips last, make sure you get your point across that you’re grateful for their presence.
12 Engage in pillow talk.
Sex often leaves you vulnerable and open, so feel free to open up to your partner about anything or be an open ear for them. From your deepest darkest thoughts, fears, and endearments towards them, lay it out to them. Do it while cuddling or any physical contact, wherever you did the deed for more intimacy.
Sex is a workout. So being thirsty is an understatement after all that physical exertion. Thus, water must be your first go-to drink. Warm calming tea also makes a great suggestion. But if you want to spice it up, wine makes a great go-to. If drinking it eventually leads to doing it again, get each other’s consent beforehand!
14 Listen to music you both like.
If words aren’t enough to express your emotions, let songs do the talking. Have a shared playlist with your partner with all your favorite songs, varying in genres. Sing along or dance if you’re feeling it, and bask yourself in the power of music connecting you both
15 Treat any injuries you or your partner may have.
Getting bruises or scratches may arise after sex, especially the BDSM kind. In order to heal them, having a first aid kit on standby is key. Even if it’s just regular sex, clumsiness or mindlessness is possible. That’s what happens when you’re too caught up in the penetration.
Best Sex Aftercare Essentials
Sex aftercare is just as important as sex. No matter what kind of arrangement you have with your partner, sex aftercare must always be a given. There’s no excuse for you to skip it and leave your partner hanging from the platonic to romantic ways of doing it. If you do that, that makes you rude.
After the deed, taking care of your partner isn’t a luxury but a part of human decency. It’s already 2022, so let’s not be a-holes to our partners, ONS, and fubus.