How to Figure Out What You Actually Like During Sex

Figuring out what you actually like during sex is a personal journey everyone takes on as they get older. While we can all share certain and unique similarities, our interests are our own. Hence, this journey we embark on requires lots of exploration, trial and error, time, and even communication when another person is involved.

If you’re someone going on said journey, let us walk with you through it through our short guide of tips down below. 

1 Do some solo exploration.

This should be the first step! Your body is with you 24/7, so there’s no need to make plans or demands. Hence, use it to your advantage. The common way to explore your body sexually is masturbation. Like c’mon, we’ve all had several physical sexual awakenings (e.g., feeling pleasure when the showerhead aims your clit) when we were younger and didn’t know where and how it came to be!

But back to the first idea, masturbation is effective in uncovering what makes you feel good. You can start by touching your unique erogenous zones, alongside testing different paces and rhythms. No need to reach an o — just be fully present in the moment and wrap your head around the different sensations bubbling to the surface.

Aside from your own hands, you can use sex toys. You may even add in some erotic content (e.g., movies, books, porn) and personal fantasies here to maximize your experience, making it more exciting, and have more body awareness. Moreover, don’t rush this stage or skip it as it remains consistent as you age and become more experienced and knowledgeable.

2 Reflect amongst yourselves.

In case you’re already experienced in sex, debriefing on your past sexual experiences may provide more ideas on what is okay and not okay when you’re in the bedroom. You may even journal about it to see your thoughts on paper rather than letting them linger in your mind for too long.

Another way to reflect is by tuning into your mental excitement and emotional responses. During this certain sexual activity, were you turned on? Aroused? Eager to take action immediately? Take note of any patterns here.

3 Learn about different kinks and sexual practices.

The world of sex is vast. There are simple activities and more complex ones. It’s ideal to build it up from the ground up so you don’t overwhelm yourselves. On the other hand, learning about those complex activities ahead of time can provide you with more opportunities and open-mindedness. You may already have ideas on what you’re interested in and not interested in trying. But of course, pace yourselves here.

Kinks can range from praise, degradation, corruption, dirty talk, impact play, sensation play, BDSM, and many more. Consider taking tests about this and reading more about them through various outlets, such as ours over at the Lauvblog here.

4 Pay attention to your body and mind.

Knowing your various sexual interests is truly a mental and emotional experience, alongside the physical aspect of it. As you explore and touch your body, ask yourselves: What gives you pleasure? What gives you discomfort?

This can happen mid-touch or after.

5 Try new things.

Novelty is key to having fun sex, even more so when you’re figuring out what you’re into. When you find something interesting, whether it’s a sex position or technique you discovered online, give it a try. At least you’ll know whether it’s a good fit or not.

You can even make a list. A yes/no/maybe list of different activities you’ve researched that you want to try, then ticking them off into their respective categories. Not into threesomes? Tick no. But into pearl necklaces? Tick yes. Have reservations about mutual masturbation. Give it a maybe.

6 Communicate with your partner if applicable.

This tip is extra helpful and essential once you’ve explored more about yourself. This way, you know what you’re into and you’d be more open and willing to share with them about it. A good relationship requires trust and respect, along with effective communication. With sex on the table, consent is key.

Moreover, discuss what your boundaries, limits, interests, and non-negotiables are in sex. Asking questions like “How does this feel?” or “Is this pace okay?” is important too. Setting a safe word beforehand is also preferred so that you both feel more in control of how you have sex.

7 Keep an open mind.

Your preferences and interests are fluid; they change over time. So, it’s possible for the things you like now to not be your cup of tea tomorrow and vice versa. You’ll also be experiencing lots of new things on a daily basis that may impact said preferences. 

So there’s no need to have it all figured out. No pressure here. 

You can always say yes and no. You should be keen and eager to learn new things from various outlets and see if they’re a good fit. But at the same time, you should respect your boundaries. Don’t go too extreme just for the sake of trying; it may backfire. There’s that balance, and you should try to attain that as you go along on your journey of exploration.

Takeaway

Figuring out what you actually like during sex is an ongoing process. What you liked at 18 may not be what you liked at 28. You should always be open to trying new things, experiences, and sensations. Let this journey give you personal growth and knowledge. Learn to also be patient with yourself, communicate effectively with your partner, and know that there’s no right or certain path in enjoying sex and intimacy. Your journey is yours, and yours alone.

For more sex-related guides, head on over to the Lauvblog here.