Dear Dr. Sex,
I like sex. A lot. I have a boyfriend and I want to have sex with him every day. If that’s not enough, I also masturbate twice or thrice a day. I like the euphoria I feel when I cum. So, I want an orgasm at least five times a day. My boyfriend is very patient with me but he has already raised his concerns regarding my intense sexual activities with him. He says he can’t keep up. He says there might be something wrong with me. I researched online and found the terms “hypersexuality” and “nymphomaniac.” I’m not really sure what those things mean except that they tell me that I am addicted to sex. I am still unsure if I am. But even if I am, is that bad? What can I do about it? Please help me.
First of all, liking sex and hypersexuality is not the same. You can like sex a lot and not be a “sex addict.” In all kinds of disorder, what delineates something and gets it labelled as a “disorder” is when it affects your daily life. When you get an overwhelming desire or urge for sexual activity to the point where it causes a “dysfunction” in your life such as when it distracts you to the point that you can no longer work or become productive, you may be dealing with hypersexuality.
People think that just because someone has an unusually high amount of sex drive, that person has hypersexuality or a sex addict. But that’s not always the case.
Do you watch so much porn to the point that you skip going to work or school? You have a boyfriend but do you feel like cheating and having multiple partners? Do you have frequent one-night stands? Do you obsess about sex to the point that it interferes with your life? If all your answers to these basic questions are “no” then there’s a high probability you do not have hypersexuality disorder. You just like sex a lot. That’s it. There’s nothing wrong with that.
However, if you answered “yes” to all of that, I suggest you seek the help of a medical professional as soon as you can. They might be able to give you a better diagnosis and steps to take. For more information, read “Hypersexuality: How to know if you’re a sex addict?”
To resolve the issue of your boyfriend, since he can’t keep up with your high sexual drive, try minimizing it. Ask him how often he prefers to have sex with you. It’s important to talk this thing with your partner because you might end up forcing him to have sex with you. And that’s wrong. No matter how eager you are for sex, you shouldn’t force anyone for it. So, ask him how often he is comfortable with having sex.
Another thing you can do is to use love toys in place of your boyfriend. Maybe he will be willing to help you out on this one. But if he isn’t, solo plays with love toys is just as fun. If you feel bad that you have to control and adjust your cravings, talk about it with your boyfriend. Maybe you two aren’t sexually compatible so it may be time to call it quits.