Dear Dr. Sex,
I can get a hard on when I am alone but when I am about to have sex, my penis becomes flaccid. First time we did it. I was anxious that I may not be good enough. Second, I was not anxious and not thinking about anything but still my penis got jelly. I can’t feel any sensation in my penis during that time which makes it harder to make it erect. What should I do?”
Well, what do you usually fantasize about that turns you on? Pleasing yourself is one of the best way of releasing tension in the body and elevates your mood to reach an orgasm. Since you’re alone, you can focus on pleasing yourself and knows exactly the right spot to touch.
If you’re still getting nervous to do it with your partner, try communicating with them the things you fantasize about. You never know, both of you might be interested to try the same thing! You can also ask your partner to either give you a handjob or a blowjob to help you get hard enough before the actual sex. If you see your partner struggling, you help them by guiding their hand or mouth to where to touch you. Telling your partner what helps you get in the mood can give them ideas on how both of you can enjoy your sexy time. Just don’t forget to return the favor, it takes two to tango, right?
If you already tried these things but you still keep on getting soft, you may want to have a doctor check on you for impotence or Erectile Dysfunction.
This condition causes your penis to prevent getting an erection, ejaculate prematurely, or have an absent or delayed ejaculation. This condition is actually common for men who are exposed to high stress or could be an early indication of a much serious health condition. This condition may also be the cause why you feel you’re feeling insecure about being not good enough.
The good news is that this is treatable. After getting checked, your doctor might prescribe you will oral medications and ask you to exercise if your ED is caused by obesity or poor lifestyle management. You can also ask your doctor to schedule you for psychological counselling if the cause is anxiety, depression, or stress. They can help you give the proper support to get better and cope up.
You don’t have to be ashamed if you have this condition since again, this is common and is treatable. So the next time you’re having this trouble, talk to your partner as they might want to help you get through this too.