Disclaimer: This article about hate sex refers to consensual activities between experienced adults. We do not promote or condone sexual assault in any form. Please note that this article is also not a substitute for professional guidance from a therapist or other related experts.
There are so many reasons behind why people have sex. It can be out of love, exploration, stress relief, and even hate. Yes, you heard the last word.
Hate sex is known in books, a fantastical sex trope as doing it in real life can yield consequences. But then again, it can only happen if you don’t set any boundaries or rules in place.
If you want to learn more about this type of sex, then keep on reading!
What is Hate Sex?
Hate sex is the type of sex you have with someone you hate or have a strong dislike for.
It can be an ex, an acquaintance you don’t see eye to eye, or a person you just met in a social gathering with whom you can’t agree on anything they say. But rather than arguing back and forth and gaining the upper hand, you let sex dictate your next moves. All that tension turned into something sexual, fueled by your animalistic desires and instincts instead of logic. Decency who? Thrown outside the door.
But then again, do remember that it’s all consensual, and you both ensure that neither of you goes beyond your boundaries.
Another name for hate sex is hate f*ck, wherein the sex is a representation of your hatred for them. Hence, it usually goes towards the rough and angry side of the spectrum. It’s also fast and requires you to be present because you’ll be working extra hard to make the sex work.
Plus, think about it this way. The signs between hatred (or any similar emotion) and arousal are quite similar, wherein the lines can get easily blurred. Increased heart rate, lots of blood rushing through your veins, dilated pupils, and even flushed skin, it can be easy to give in to each other’s company.
This type of sex is commonly seen as a story trope in books and films, specifically under the enemies with benefits or enemies to lovers pipelines. It’s usually what truly breaks the tension and changes the game between two people who dislike each other before, well, numerous epiphanies arise.
Hate Sex Vs. Angry Sex: What’s the Difference?
While the emotions are similar, some standards of each type are quite different.
For one, hate sex occurs between two people who never see eye to eye and who view each other as enemies no matter what. Hate is something that brews for quite some time, and the same goes for the sex equivalent. Most people who hate each other wouldn’t resort to sex right away. But if speaking their minds isn’t enough, sex becomes an option. It’s giving “I don’t agree with you there, but we can kind of work it out through sex.”
Then, when everything is done, they still despise each other as it’s their norm.
With angry sex, it can be between a couple in a rocky place, exes, or with anyone who pissed you off at the moment. It’s usually spontaneous as emotions rise up, only to be redirected to body-on-body action. And a lot of the times, things between them can get solved right after immediately.
What’s So Great About Hate Sex?
Read some potential pros of hate sex down below.
1 You get to release your frustration on them.
Sex is known to be alleviating when your stress levels are on an all-time high. And if the cause is due to the person you’re fighting with, you’re able to let it out in one go.
2 You’re more adventurous.
Hate sex makes you act out of character, allowing you to explore more of yourself that’s only triggered when you hate someone. In other words, they bring out a wilder side of you that you didn’t know of. Hence, you may take more risks and leave your comfort zone a lot more. But of course, you still need to be careful.
3 It feels pleasurable.
As hatred and desire share similar physical signs, it’s highly likely that hate sex brings out more sexual bliss out of you. Plus, you lose all inhibitions and allow yourself to go crazy in your sexual needs and wants with another person who’s just your sex board (like a soundboard). All while making sure you don’t actually hurt them.
What’s Disadvantageous About Hate Sex?
Let’s thread through some possible cons to having sex through this informative section.
1 It can be unhealthy.
Hate sex can be perceived as selfish, wherein you’re focused on getting yourself off and also making a strong point to the person you’re with. The strong point in question can look like “I’m right, you’re wrong”, “I’m better than you”, or “I knew I can shut you up with my cock”.
One way hate sex can be unhealthy is how you’re making hatred acceptable in the bedroom. In other words, you’re making such an emotion an acceptable driving force to do the deed. When potentially, it can get out of control if you’re not observant or conscious enough.
Instead of having proper communication despite being adversaries who have varying beliefs, you’re pushing your dilemmas aside through sex.
2 It makes things more complicated.
So you hate each other but you’re having sex with each other? Such an idea can blur the lines of your actual relationship with each other. Like for instance, enemies don’t usually mess around sexually! Hence, doing the deed without much thought other than releasing your stress and rage towards them can create awkwardness and even more hatred and distrust.
3 It doesn’t solve anything.
You’re merely doing the deed just so you don’t talk or discuss the real beef between you two. Moreover, such sex is a transaction of arousal and more hatred for each other despite the pleasure it gives off.
Types of Hate Sex
Skim through the various kinds of hate sex here.
1 You both actually hate each other’s guts.
This person irritates you to the core, wherein arguing back and forth isn’t enough to settle anything. With all that pent-up frustration, you let sex do all the talking. It’s almost like you’re getting back at them as you do your best to make them feel good, even if they won’t admit it. That’s the jist of hate sex: having fun without letting your prides slip.
2 Revenge
Ooh, it’s giving pettiness! This type of hate sex is done to avenge yourself for someone who pissed you off. Or even someone who made a close friend of yours devastated to get back at them. It’s possible to mask the hate as desire first, then towards the end, the hatred seeps in.
3 Playful
This one requires some planning to ensure things go well. For example, you “hate” your partner or a consenting party and stage an argument either in public or private. That way, it shows all the hate. From there, you take your hate in a secluded area to release your inhibitions.
Ways to Have Hate Sex
Some sexual activities that are linked to hate sex that you can engage in include:
- Edging
- Orgasm Denial
- Impact Play
- Bondage
- Rough Doggy Style
- Choking
- Degradation Kink
How to Safely Engage in Hate Sex
It’s very easy for hate sex to get messy and dramatic, hurting the parties involved. Hence, it’s important to pursue it carefully. In that case, here’s a list of tips that’ll guide you on how to do just that.
1 Ensure that your emotions are not at an all-time high.
Hate is a strong emotion and things can get out of control so quickly. Thus, don’t rush into the sex and wait for things to sizzle a bit before making a move. Be patient with each other, even if your desire for each other (alongside the hate) is strong and fully fueling your energy.
2 Give each other consent.
Hate sex can get intense and wild, so giving each other consent is key to ensuring that you both agree to walk into the intricate ropes of hate sex. It’s an act of respect as well. Consent is never implied, so it’s important to verbally ask for it, and the response in return must be enthusiastic and sober. It can’t be forced upon either, or you risk violating their trust. It can also be taken back, and when it is, you must respect that without question.
3 Respect each other’s boundaries.
You may be enemies, but you’re not one to commit a crime against their will if you take advantage of them. Hence, sharing your boundaries beforehand (even if you hate each other) can deter you from going down a risky path. You also become more aware of what you can or can’t do to maintain a safe space around you two.
4 Use protection.
Even more so when things can get crazy and risky, using protection like condoms and pills is non-negotiable. It keeps you safe from STIs and pregnancy scares, alongside enforcing the idea of making better-informed decisions before getting loose and bold.
5 Consume sexual content on this topic for inspiration.
As we mentioned earlier, hate sex is a common trope in books, media, and even some pornography material. So if you want to brainstorm more ideas on how to have hate sex (aside from our suggestions above), take some time to read or watch so you can try it out next time.
6 Take turns being in charge.
Hate sex is usually an exchange of your sexual and emotional energies to the person you despise, and vice versa. Thus, giving each other time to explore and express your inner desires can alleviate your stress and unlock a new aspect of yourself. The division of dominance and control is equal, even if you hate each other. You wouldn’t want to hate each other more by not letting one or the other do what they want to do.
7 Don’t forget the aftercare.
Even if you hate each other, aftercare benefits all the parties involved and their overall well-beings. It’s a way to give each other respect despite your differences. And it doesn’t necessarily mean cuddling or getting touchy in an intimate sense; it can mean giving each other water or food after the sex. Or even helping each other clean up since hate sex can get messy.
Takeaway
Hate sex may be seen more in media, but it’s also a unique type of sex that can occur in real life. You just wouldn’t know because it’s not something people open up about unless they want drama and more potential complications. But then again, hate sex can get complicated and messy quickly if it’s not threaded intentionally and carefully. Thus, pursuing hate sex with a clear mind and honest intentions can make the experience for all parties enjoyable.
For more sex-related guides such as this one, head on over to the Lauvblog here.
