Dear Dr. Sex,
My name is Grace. I am 23 years old. I have a boyfriend. We’ve been together for only three months. I’ve been with two other sexual partners but this is the first time that I’ve encountered a guy who comes so fast. We’ll be kissing and doing a bit of foreplay and then when he finally penetrates me, he only lasts for about two minutes. It’s so frustrating! There are no words to describe the feeling. Basically, “bitin masyado.” That’s it. I don’t know what to do. He’s been very apologetic about it but I just want to have my orgasm, too. He just always comes so fast, so what do I do?
I know the feeling. It’s definitely enough to drive any woman insane. That feeling when you know you’re not even there yet all of a sudden, it’s over. The show has ended. Don’t worry there are lots of things you can do to change that. It’s good that your boyfriend is sorry about it. That only means he’s willing to make up for it. Chances are he’s gonna cooperate on the things I’m about to suggest. But if I’m wrong and he doesn’t want to and wants to maintain his male ego bullshit, then maybe you need to rethink the whole relationship.
But if he is a decent boyfriend, then here it goes.
If there’s a gym meant only for sexual endurance, I’m quite sure majority of men would sign up for it. You see, coming fast is a really common problem among men. Even if you’ve never experienced it with your previous partners (good for you btw), there really are lots of men who come fast and that’s an unfortunate reality. What you can do is to train for it in: 1) masturbation or 2) actual sex. In masturbation, what you do is you ask your boyfriend to hold off his orgasm. Basically, if he masturbates for only two or five minutes, ask him to lengthen that time. He can use a stop watch. Maybe start with ten minutes. Then twenty minutes. The point is he must hold off his orgasm until the end.
In the actual sex, try switching up sex positions. Maybe you’ve been doing doggy style all the time. No wonder he doesn’t last long and comes so fast! Change your sex positions so that there can be a pause between all the pumping. This pause, no matter how short, can be helpful in delaying his orgasm. You can also try incorporating sex toys in your play. If he knows he’s about to come then maybe he can tap out first and use a vibrator on you. That way he can rest first and you’ll be able to get nearer to your orgasm.
As a last and additional resort, use condoms. I know it’s no one’s favorite but it helps. Actually I hope, in a weird way, that you aren’t already using condoms, because if he comes fast even with a condom on, he definitely needs to talk to a medical professional.
Those should get you started. Those are only some things that can be helpful in your situation. For more details, read “How to last longer in bed.” There’s more in-depth explanations and instructions in the article.
I hope that helps, Grace.