It doesn’t matter whether you’re in a new relationship or if you’ve been in a longstanding one. We all desire for satisfying sexual encounters with every method possible, and that includes using sex toys. Incorporating sex toys in your bedroom plays make it more fun and pleasurable for both of you. As they say, the couple that plays together stays together. But there’s a teensy-weensy problem that some girls have to face: their boyfriends don’t wanna use sex toys with them.
I feel you. It can be hard convincing your boyfriend to use sex toys. And you may find the idea that he’d wanna compare his own penis to your bright pink, over-sized, vibrating phallic sex toy weird. But trust us: he will.
I know it’s stupid, but hear me out. As much as it’s only a “toy,” some guys don’t see it in that way. They see it as something that sets an impossible standard to reach. Something that can do superhuman tricks that their dicks can’t do. And if you think about it, that’s true.
Sex toys can give us the pleasure we need in less time than a man ever can. It’s no wonder that your boyfriend can feel intimidated by your “new friend.” So what should you do? How can you convince your boyfriend to use sex toys? Thankfully, you have us and we have a couple of tips on how you can persuade him to try it out with you!
Why should you use sex toys?
The science behind
First of all, using sex toys is backed by science. The excitement brought about by incorporating sex toys in your play stimulates the production of “dopamine,” which plays a significant role for your pleasure. Secondly, if you don’t already know, a vast majority of women don’t come on vaginal penetration alone. They need some form of clitoral stimulation to reach climax. While yes, having your partner use their fingers or or other body parts to stimulate the clitoris during intercourse is a possibility, sex toys are just more convenient and it allows your partner to focus. Having an orgasm produces oxytocin – also known as the ‘bonding’ hormone – which increases the potential of a lasting relationship. Oxytocin has the long term effect of making people feel closer to and more supportive of their partner. So whether or not your partner illicits an orgasm from you using solely their body or by getting a little help from a sex toy is irrelevant, as long as they contributed to that mind-blowing O.
Good for penile health
Research has found that men who regularly use vibrators (on themselves, on their partners, or both) score higher on measures of erectile function, orgasm function, sexual desire, and sexual satisfaction than men who have rarely or never reached for a vibrator. A huge reason as to why men are less likely to be open to introducing sex toys to the bedroom is because they are unfamiliar with them. Introduce them to your favorite toy and demonstrate how much pleasure you get from it and they just might warm up to the idea. Even better? Get him a toy of his own that he can play and experiment with.
Boost your relationship
Sex therapists believe that using sex toys can help improve the relationship. If you’re open and respectful of your partner’s desires and boundaries, using sex toys can heighten sexual satisfaction. It enhances communication between people in a relationship as a sense of openness and non-judgment is cultivated. Using sex toys requires expressing thoughts and feelings clearly. With this, you’re learning more about each other and how to deal with each other’s emotions and concerns.
Clearing the myths and misconceptions
So, the science is great. Now what? If your partner still has doubts about using sex toys, how do you move past them? Talking about their concerns can help dispel myths your partner has had about sex toy use.
If he believes that using sex toys means he isn’t good enough in bed
This is one of the most common misconceptions people have about sex toys. Partners feel that if they’re already good enough, you won’t be needing sex toys. Reassure your partner that you find your sex life fulfilling. You just want to add some more fun and increase the pleasure you’re experiencing together. More than this, you don’t want them to feel under pressure to be responsible alone for bringing you to orgasm. Using sex toys can take that pressure off plus it can please you both.
To try to convince him about this fact, use one of your sex toys to turn him on. Use a small vibrator and ask him if you can use it on him. Try putting it on his nipples and his other sensitive regions. If he doesn’t want that, maybe you can put up a private self-masturbation show just for him. Show him how your toys can be used to pleasure you. Casually invite him to sit down on your bed and watch while you bring yourself to climax. Open your thighs in front of him and put that little vibrator in between your legs and be generous with your moans. That will surely turn him on and make him want to get involved!
You see, sometimes, no words, no science and no logic can make persuade him to use sex toys with you. But if you manage to put up an act so erotic and seductive that he ends up choosing to join you and your vibrator of his own free will, then the problem is solved!
He will be so turned on by your naughty self-indulgent act that he probably won’t even consider that as a threat to his masculinity, or a reflection of his own sexual performance—which is precisely how it should be! Using a vibrator or dildo is meant to enhance your sexual pleasures and not about fragile male egos.
If he’s intimidated by sex toys
One problem is that people who aren’t familiar with sex toys imagine the entirety of sex toys as huge vibrating dildos. As much as that’s a potential sex toy to want, that’s really intimidating! Most especially if your boyfriend’s dick is average by comparison and doesn’t have a “vibrate” function. To address this concern, tell him that there’s a lot of other sex toys available in the market. In fact, the most popular toys are actually things like small bullet vibrators for clitoral stimulation or stretchy cock rings for happy erections. Both of which are far from scary.
As such, show him pictures of other sex toys that you can use. Take him to a physical or online sex store and show him around. Show him the other toys available that do not look like Hulk’s dick. There are even vibrators that are shaped like ducks and bunnies. So aside from the fact that they’re discreet, they’re adorable and un-penis-like! Maybe your partner will like that and decide to give it a try.
If he fears that the use of sex toys will replace him
It’s weird to think how an unrealistic gigantic phallus-shaped dildo or even a rubber duck-shaped vibrator will ever replace your boyfriend, but okay, let’s give this a go. Reassure him that he’s not being replaced. A battery-operated or even a rechargeable sex toy will never replace the love and warmth he gives you. They’re pleasurable, yes, but they’re not boyfriend material. Sex toys won’t take you out on dates or comfort you with ice-cream when you’re sad. So no, they can’t ever replace your boyfriend. If anything, toys should be seen as a “treat” designed to enhance the experience and discover more about each other.
It’s understandable that your boyfriend doesn’t want to be replaced but let him think about it this way. It’s just a tool. Men like tools, at least most do, and we don’t usually dread being replaced by our tools — for example, a hammer. You can use your boyfriend’s hammer to fix the house, but you’d still prefer that your boyfriend fixes the house himself, right? Part of it is because it’s one less thing you have to do. But more importantly, it makes you feel loved and cared for. It’s weird to even think that a hammer can replace your boyfriend, right? After all, it’s just a hammer. It’s nothing but a tool to make things easier for you.
For sex toys, it’s the same way. It’s just a tool to give you pleasure. One way to try to convince him and remove his prejudice is to buy a male sex toy for you both to enjoy first. Try purchasing a textured stroker sleeve. This adds a whole new dimension to a handjob and could prove to be the path to his sex toy enlightenment.
If he thinks you’ll become overly-reliant on sex toys for arousal and orgasm
Toys are fun to have in the bedroom. They add variety to your plays and intensify the pleasure you both get. They’re incredibly pleasurable, but that’s it. Just that. The actual sex that you do with your partner is something more preferable, don’t you think? It’s more intimate, and there’s something warm about doing it with the one you love.
If he thinks that you’ll become overly-reliant on sex toys, assure him that as much as sex toys are pleasurable, nothing is more pleasurable than having sex with someone you care about. Maybe try having a dildo in the mold of his penis. Perhaps he’d feel better if your sex toy is still a copy of his dick. Or maybe you can try buying sex toys together; you can decide which ones are going to be a good fit for both of you. There’s a huge variety of toys out there, and you’ll surely find the perfect fit for both of you.
It can be hard convincing your partner to give in to your desires, but some education always helps. Just validate his feelings and continuously reassure him that his doubts and concerns are nothing to be worried about. Communicate your thoughts and feelings clearly. Reassure him of what you feel about him. You love him, and that’s that. No high-tech, hulk-sized sex toy will ever change that. If you ask us though, the mere fact that most women do not orgasm through penetration alone should be enough to invest in a sex toy. But we know your boyfriend is complex and has legitimate concerns. Be patient and hopefully, he’ll understand where you’re coming from and what you want. Maybe he’ll even give you a sex toy as a gift next time, fingers crossed!