Dear Dr. Sex,
Hi, my 38-year-old girlfriend and I will be having sex for the first time. Both of us have been sexually active in the past, but she’s worried that I’m quite huge down there, and her small vagina may not be able to take it. Consequently, I want to make my girlfriend relax and have both of us enjoy sex. So, any tips you can give me would be most helpful. Thanks!
Thanks so much for taking the initiative to ask here and helping your girlfriend relax during this intimate time. Relaxing is one of the key steps to enjoy an intimate, sensual time so helping your partner ease her worries is such a sweet gesture for you to do.
First of all, what both of you need to keep in mind is that if penetrative sex would be too painful, even when you’ve done the right foreplay, then both of you have to be open to other forms of intimacy. Sex is not just about penetration, after all. Besides penetration, you should know that there are other ways the two of you can relax and reach orgasm:
Take your time.
This first tip can apply to both of you, remember to breathe, relax and take your time. To begin, you can watch some porn together to get in the mood, give each other some calming, sexy massages, or enjoy a warm bath together. Always remember that sex takes time, and if you do the mentioned tips, both of you will be enjoying sex and reaching orgasm sooner than you’d think.
Explore oral sex.
In this tip, put your lips to work. You should know that oral sex can be a mix of mouth action and a hand job or fingering to give varied sensations. You could even include the use of sex toys during oral sex. Communicate before or during the act how you’d want to be eaten out, and take time to learn each other’s pleasure spots.
Try out some boob play.
Aside from hand jobs and blow jobs, another way to get around is by engaging in some sexy boob play. To begin, tease her by massaging and squeezing her boobs slowly. After that, trace her areola slowly with your finger or tongue to build up anticipation. Then start sucking and licking around her nipples. Moreover, in doing boob play, you can give her a highly arousing experience. This will certainly help your girlfriend relax with you.
Explore sex positions that adjust well to your big penis.
Changing up an angle or position can make great changes in your sexual experience. The “slip ‘n slide” position gives all the penetration feels without having to get the penis in. To do this position, you climb on top of her as she lies face down. You slide your well-lubed shaft up and down between her ass cheeks afterwards. With that, you should know that there are plenty of positions to try so the two of you can still enjoy sex together. It’s all a matter of knowing what both of you like while being creative with your positions safely.
So if she’s still anxious about your big penis, remind her that vaginas are biologically designed to release a full-grown baby. If she’s still worried, she could prepare more efficiently with these tips:
Try kegel exercises.
Trying kegel exercises can make her more aware of her lower insides. These exercises will let her identify the parts that are in pain when she’s having sex. Pain causes anxieties which results in the tightening up of her pelvic floor muscles when you’re having sex. If she knows which parts of her get uncomfortable during sex, she can better address the problem and relax those muscles. And to bring this further home, she could try incorporating kegel balls in her exercises to exercise those pelvic muscles.
Stock up on lube.
Lubricants enhance the experience and eliminate painful chafing and burning. Generously apply lube around her vulva, and your penis will ease in penetration. She will love the feeling of lube and will help your girlfriend relax to you during sex. It’s also important to know which types of lube to use. So as a basic trivia, water-based lubricants do not leave stains on sheets and are easy to clean in the laundry. In comparison, silicone lubricants are most helpful for anal sex since they’re thicker and last longer.
Practice with sex toys.
For your girlfriend to relax and in control during sex, she could start by practicing with a sex toy. Your girlfriend could begin with using a vibrator or dildo to familiarize herself with the sensations. Since your partner already has the experience, she can take her time to adjust to a big dick by practicing with a dildo close, if not similar, to your penis size. When shopping for toys, you could also bring your partner along so you can explore toys together.
And there you go, some of the key ways to help your girlfriend relax during sex. So I hope these preparation tips and techniques would help both of you reach enjoyable waves of pleasure with each other. I wish you both the best of luck and safe sex always!