Sometimes, you’re just not ready for a relationship, and that’s okay. It may be because you’re still not over from your past love. Or it can be that you’re scared or you want to focus more on your career. Whatever reason you may have, it’s okay. It’s okay to feel that you’re not ready for a new relationship.
A good relationship is like finding a needle in a haystack. It’s very hard to find. Sometimes, it can even feel impossible. That’s why you may want to take your time and not dive head first into any prospects.
But then, sometimes, a person pops up, and you feel like you want to give it a try. But are you ready for a relationship? How do you know? We’ll help you figure it all out with these signs.
Signs You are Not Ready for a Relationship
1 There are so many things you want to focus on.
You might be too busy with your work or your studies. You feel that these things are more important at this point in your life. So if you won’t be able to spend time and effort into a new relationship, why bother? It’s okay if you want to focus on other things first. You may want to reserve your energy for other things and not just with the person you’re dating. Even if you force the relationship and date, when your mind is on other stuff, the relationship will suffer. Just focus on what you want to prioritize first. Love and relationships can always come around when you’re ready. Wait until you have enough time and energy to devote to a partner.
2 You don’t love yourself.
Loving oneself doesn’t come easy for everyone. They say that if you don’t love yourself, how can you love anyone else or how can people love you? But that’s hard. Loving oneself is hard. We all deserve to love and be loved. But if you’re not happy with yourself yet and you’re not taking the time to take care of yourself, you may want to take time to reflect on that. You are a human being worthy of love and affection. Nobody is perfect. But take some time to work on yourself and slowly build that self-love. You shouldn’t depend on anyone else for validation. You’re enough. You’re worth it.
3 You’re still hung up on your ex
Breakups are tough. You will probably cry for days and think about your ex for some time. You will miss them, and you’ll break down, knowing they’re not yours anymore. It will really take some time before you heal and become okay again. It’s painful, but in the end, breakups can be lessons to be learned. It gives you the time to think through the mistakes you’ve made and grow from them.
So if you’re still not over your ex, you might not be ready for a new relationship. It will be unfair for the person you’ll be dating if you’re not really ready to commit. Take some time to reflect on the mistakes and then pursue dating again once you’re more emotionally secure and comfortable.
4 You still have trust issues.
Trust is the foundation of any relationship. If you can’t trust the person you’re dating, then you might not be ready for a new relationship. It’s unfair to the other person. You can’t keep projecting your ex’s mistakes on them. You also can’t live happily if you have your walls up consistently. To love is to be vulnerable. It’s the scary part about it, but at the same time, it’s what makes it so meaningful. You trust this person, and you show them your dark sides and scars, who you really are, and then, in turn, they also show you their vulnerabilities. That’s how you make a real connection with them.
But by keeping your walls up, you’re just succeeding in keeping people away. And in healthy relationships, two people must be able to trust and lean on each other. In healthy relationships, you make room for the other person and let them in.
5 You’re desperate.
If you find yourself doing everything to please the other person just so they’d want you, you may not be ready for a relationship. Yes, you should cater to the needs of the other person but not to the point that you’ll be completely forgetting who you really are. That’s a huge flag that you’re just desperate. You need to focus on yourself more.
You should love a person but not to the point that you’ll be erasing yourself. Don’t trade off who you are just to be with another person. Faking who you are in order for the other person to like you is always a recipe for disaster. Your true self will emerge eventually, and then who knows? Maybe they won’t like the real you and they’ll leave too.
6 Misery is your friend
It’s not like you’re trying to be sad all the time, but you are sad all the time. Worse, you take comfort in your misery. It’s your bed, blanket, and pillow that you sleep on, and you don’t want to get better. Whatever the reason is for your misery, you’re not ready to be in a relationship if you maintain this attitude. Nobody would want to be with someone who always acts as if they’re carrying the whole weight of the universe at their backs. I know it’s okay not to be okay. But what’s not okay is you not trying anything to be okay.
Life’s full of ups and downs. Maybe you just got dumped, or perhaps you just got fired and not really in a good place now. But here’s the thing: you have to keep moving forward. You’ll get nothing by moping around and feeling shit. Do even the small things. Wake up, fix your bed, walk in the park, keep moving forward.
7 You care about other people’s opinions
It’s not really bad to care about what other people might think, most especially your loved ones. You just probably want to make sure that they approve of the person you’re dating. But when you don’t take anyone seriously because you feel like you’re going to get judged if you introduce them to your family and friends, then you’re not ready to be in a relationship. You’re the one who’s going to commit to the relationship, not them. If you really like the person, why should other people’s opinions matter more than your feelings?
8 Red flags are kinda your thing
For some reason, people who are emotionally unavailable are attractive to you. Or maybe you’re chasing a guy who’s married or recently separated. I don’t know, gurl. But if you’re constantly chasing people who are wearing a fuckton of red flags, you’re not ready for a relationship. You’re ready for a problem.
9 People are easily replaceable for you
As Queen Beyonce’s song goes, “You must not know ’bout me, you must not know ’bout me. I can have another you by tomorrow. So don’t you ever for a second get to thinking, you’re irreplaceable~” So yeah. As much as we also agree that you shouldn’t settle for any person who doesn’t treat you right, it’s also bad to think that you can just keep on replacing people. People have flaws. Nobody is perfect. Thinking that they could be other than imperfect is not good for you. Being hasty about your judgments of people means you are not ready for a relationship. Always remember that the goal is not to find the perfect person but to find the right person for you.
10 Impatience is not a virtue
You have a schedule for your love life. You believe that you should be married by 27 and have kids by 28. So if you’re 25 now, you should already be dating the right guy. Welp. Sadly, that’s not how it works in real life, honey. You can put a deadline on love. There’s no proper schedule for anything, most especially when it comes to relationships. If you’re too nervous and impatient to be in a relationship, you’re not ready to be in one. Maybe you should work on yourself first on why you feel such anxiety. Maybe you’re scared that you’ll end up alone, or perhaps you just hate being single because you can’t be without anyone. But those aren’t reasons to pursue a relationship. You shouldn’t be in a rush to be in one.
11 You just don’t want to be alone
As we’ve said in the previous sign, maybe you want to rush in a relationship because you hate being single and not having someone. But praying to the gods to send you someone to be with doesn’t mean you’re ready to be in a relationship. You can’t be in a relationship just because you want someone to save you from your meaningless existence or unbearable loneliness. You should feel okay being on your own. Depending on someone else for your happiness is a recipe for disaster.
12 Sky-high standards
Obviously, it’s okay to have standards. Personally, I like guys who have don’t drink or smoke. I like guys who are smart and funny. I believe those are “reachable” and feasible standards. But there’s a difference between having standards and just being plain picky. You know you’re too picky when there’s barely enough wiggle room for anything else. You have this caricature of the perfect guy at the back of your head, and you don’t want to settle for anything less. Those sky-high expectations of yours are why you’re not ready for a relationship. People will fail you. Let’s face it. You have to be more realistic with things. It’s good to have standards, but you also have to keep in mind that nobody’s perfect. You have to leave them some space for that. To be human.
13 The pain of the past still haunts you
So maybe you got cheated on. Maybe you even caught them having sex in his apartment. Trust me. I’ve been there, done that. It’s horrible. No amount of words will be enough to comfort you. You’re in too much pain. It doesn’t even matter if it all happened months ago. It still hurts. And that’s okay. You’re still healing, and there’s no timeline when it comes to that. This is also why you’re not ready to be in a relationship. There’s still heavy emotional pieces of baggage left from the last relationship. You shouldn’t rush yourself and think being in a new relationship will save you. It won’t.
14 You victimize yourself
Even if we say that you really are the victim in the breakup, why you gotta keep victimizing yourself? Nothing good ever comes from consistently coddling yourself. You have to bounce back and get stronger. Own up to your mistakes, as well. Take responsibility for your own heartbreak. You have to do this. Otherwise, you’re stuck in a neverending dialogue of a “victim.” And that’s not a good sign that you’re ready to be in a new relationship. Acceptance of everything that happened and everything that will ever be is.
15 You think being in a relationship will solve it all
So you think that if you just manage to be in a relationship, all of your problems will miraculously disappear? You believe you’ll be more confident since your insecurity and low self-esteem will go away when you have a partner. Life will finally be amazing again. Wrong! It’s actually the other way around. You have to get your shit together first before you go into a relationship. The perfect relationship doesn’t happen if you’re a mess, to begin with. As we’ve been saying, work on yourself first, and everything else will fall into place. Let the right relationship find you.
Don’t force it if you’re still not ready for a relationship.
Finding someone to share your life with isn’t a race. Some people are lucky that they find their soulmates earlier in life. But for the others who don’t? That’s okay. Don’t rush it. Don’t sweat it. It’s okay to focus on yourself. It’s okay to want to prioritize your career or studies before love. What’s important is that you don’t force yourself when you’re still not ready for a relationship. You may still be healing from your past. You may have other priorities. It doesn’t matter. It’s okay. Work on your own timing. Pursue a relationship when you’re ready.