Snoozing off to dreamland is a great escape after a long day, especially when you get some needed steamy action that has your panties in a twist. That’s the magic of sex dreams, after all. But it can also go haywire when it’s with someone you’d least expect it… awkward.
Either way, sex dreams are unpredictable and can be the most fantastic or terrible thing you’d experience. Yet there’s always meaning behind them. In this article, we’ll dissect what they are, why they happen, and some common examples that may hold a deeper interpretation behind them.
What are Sex Dreams?
Quite explanatory, are they not? You’re getting it on in your sleep, dozing off into a fantasy so steamy you can’t get enough. What people mostly focus on in sex dreams are their sexual partner and surroundings. Like any dream, they’re symbolic to us. And sex dreams don’t lack in that.
In fact, they’re normal to us. The moment we break through puberty, we become more susceptible to it.
A study in 2017 shows that more than 50% of married women get sex dreams. Additional factors connected to achieving such dreams within people are having a job outside their home, being in their twenties, holding a college degree, and getting frequent sex and orgasms. Then another study from Montreal reports that 8% of dreams from women and men involved back-to-back skin slapping.
As sex dreams portray the deed, it doesn’t always mean we want to have sex. Surprisingly enough, sex dreams are rarely about it. From the words of dream psychologist Lauri Loewenberg, sex dreams center mostly on the “psychological union you need” within yourself.
Why Do Sex Dreams Occur?
There’s little to no exact scientific reason why sex dreams occur. In fact, there’s no proper reasoning as to why we dream in the first place. So, we leave the dreams up for personal interpretation. Observing details that we can remember, we pinpoint what they may symbolize in our life. Other than this, here are other reasons we can ponder behind the existence of sex dreams.
1 They’re a reflection of present occurrences.
According to Ian Wallace, author of The Top 100 Dreams: The Dreams That We All Have and What They Really Mean, all dreams including sex are connected to your current surroundings. They can reflect your wants, fears, worries, all of it. So if life has been stressful, you can get a sex dream that may come off as negative. This idea applies vice versa.
But in connection to your conscious life, dreams are a way to reveal what is invisible to you. As stated by Dr. Janet Brito, a certified sex therapist, dreams, in general, serve as an inner guidance system, give you commentary about how you’re living your life, and reveal symbolic images for you to explore with curiosity.
2 They’re portraying your deepest fantasies.
Sex dreams can unlock hidden emotions and desires. They serve as news from your unconscious mind, trying to make itself known. So whatever scenarios you’ve imagined in a sexual context, your brain may project into your dreams like a movie. Whether it be with your crush, a beautiful celebrity, or a fantasy you can’t bring yourself to act in public, your mind will get the message and definitely want to give you a dream to remember.
3 You’re filled with insecurities.
Since your mind can access your thoughts and worries, they can exhibit them through negative sex dreams. Whether the concept is cheating, not enjoying the sex, or hating your sexual performance, it’s because your brain wants to address these insecurities, and it could get worse if you don’t do anything about it. As these are all psychological, it doesn’t have any connection to your actual sexual game.
4 They’re pushing you to take action.
Whether it’s to resolve a problem between someone or going after certain goals you want to achieve, sex dreams allow you to connect with what needs attention in your life. By showing what you lack, they can serve as a gateway to making necessary changes in your life and transforming into a better you.
They can also allow you to utilize your creativity and expand into a new aspect of your life you have yet to explore.
5 They showcase traits you want to gain.
According to Ian Wallace once more, sex dreams consist of characters. And those characters may symbolize positive bits of your personality that are yet to be enhanced. If you think about it, when you give people access to your desires and talents, your vulnerability seeps through. A very similar scenario to doing the sexual act, right?
Common Kinds of Sex Dreams and Their Meanings
There isn’t just one kind of sex dream out there: it’s as endless as our steamy imaginations. Let’s unravel what a chunk of these common sex dreams symbolize so we can sleep better tonight.
1 With a Friend
Definitely the last thing you’d ever want to think about or encounter in your life! But hold your horses: interpreting this is pretty beneficial on your end. To dream of your friend doing the dirty, whether they’re the most platonic friend in your friend group, reflects the close bond you have with them. Having such a bond magnetizes you to gain the best traits of them and embody them in your daily life.
So putting all that panic aside, you may want to keep your rants about this to yourself. Spare yourself the awkwardness and second-hand embarrassment, yes?
2 With a Stranger
Oooh, we love a mystery partner! But the mystery of it all lies in unlocking aspects of yourself that you’ve yet to showcase. Having a sex dream with a stranger represents the interest in learning new things about yourself and how you can apply them in your daily life. Although there’s thrill in not knowing who you’re having sex with, they come with a lesson while making you come. Take charge of yourself and see what more you can do for yourself!
3 With an Ex
Now, this is a tough one to process. Especially if they were a toxic one, it’d frighten you. Regardless of the saying “sex is sex”, it’s difficult to comprehend from a terrible ex, even in a dream. However, it’s a wake-up call to your life choices just as it makes you jot up from your bed in a cold sweat. Dreaming of your ex means you must improve how you establish boundaries, seeing as your relationship with them put you through emotional hell.
It’s also telling how you’re still aching from the pain they brought. Even if you moved on from them as a person, it could leave you with their fear of getting into a new relationship. Your emotions are making themselves known through your nocturnal snooze. However, if the sex dream is with an ex whom you’ve finally accepted their absence in good graces, it’s a sign to let go and move on.
4 Group Sex
In other words, an orgy party in your sleep. The more, the merrier, they say especially when you’re reaching o’s here and there. However, it may not be a great thing with what it actually means. According to Loewenberg, she interprets that dreamily engaging in an orgy portrays how scattered and overwhelmed you are with your life. With the impression that you want to get many things done all at once, it’s as if you lost track of what really matters. You’re torn on what you want to do, so take a step back and observe what needs more attention in your life.
Whether it’s you cheating or your partner cheating, these kinds of dreams do occur. Even if you aren’t married, they can arise in your sleep. But pay attention to what messages they’re trying to relay.
A dream wherein you’re sleeping with someone other than your partner could mean you’re feeling a void in your relationship. Almost as if you’re missing out on something great because your partner isn’t giving it to you. It can be a lack of excitement or intimacy, so your dreams create a character that makes your wildest fantasies come true.
With a dream where your partner becomes unfaithful to you, it’s more likely you’re feeling like a second or not-so priority in their life. In other words, a third-wheel factor puts a barrier between you and them. Their job, hobby, or personal problems make you distant from them. However, if you have been cheated on before, take this dream and seek help to help you heal and let go of it completely.
With these dreams, the bottom line solution is to communicate them with your partner. These dreams shouldn’t be seen as red flags towards each other but as pathways that’ll improve your relationship.
6 A Person With Authority
You, reader, are questing for approval and validation. What else is there to say? Because of the power complex, dreaming of your boss in a sexual context means meeting their many needs so they’ll be pleased. But on a more positive note, sleeping with your boss gives you awareness of your leadership qualities and to eventually hone them.
7 Your Crush
Easy peasy. Not only do you have the strong sexual urge to get railed by them, but there actually lies a special connection to their qualities. Qualities that got you whipped for them in a flash, and even something you want to have yourself! Furthermore, these qualities of theirs can be physical, emotional, or spiritual.
8 A Celebrity
Hmmm, these can go two ways. One, if they’re a celebrity you’re an absolute die-hard fan of, that’s just your fantasies going in full gear and playing on the big screen, aka your mind. Or two, if they’re someone famous that you’re not so acquainted with, their message must be behind their famous works.
If they’re a singer, check their discography.
An actor? Watch their films.
Maybe an author? Search up famous lines from their books.
Don’t let your sex dreams easily fool you because there’s always context to each one of them.
Seeing that chains and whips may excite you as Rihanna sang once, hmmm? Although this outcome is possible, another perspective to consider is that you may be hard on yourself lately. Or we can also reflect on these factors: were you the dominant or the submissive? It’s all about control, whether you have it or rely on someone. Consider what parts of your life you want to take charge of fully and which ones you wouldn’t mind a helping hand at.
10 Someone Who’s the Same Sex as You
Perhaps this is or isn’t your cup of tea, but don’t cancel it out yet. The symbolism behind sleeping with the same as yourselves is showcasing what qualities you aspire to in yourself. It’s all about observing the partner you were plotted to have a steamy time with. Another way to look at this is that it’s a celebration of self-love and self-acceptance. As your partner here is physically the same as you, you’re one with every aspect of yourself when you lock lips with them.
Frequently Asked Questions
Still eager to know more about sex dreams? Check out some common questions people ask about them and our answers to them.
1 Can we calculate when we’re getting a sex dream?
Nope! They can happen at random when you least expect it. Either with varying plots or the same one, take this time to assess what you’ve been letting into your life.
2 Can sex dreams really predict what’s going wrong in my life?
Not entirely. It’s more like you have to unfold each detail that occurred in it, researching what those details may mean. Look again at our list of common sex dreams, their meanings, and how they may resonate with you.
3 Can sex dreams count as cheating for taken people?
No. You can’t control how you dream and what happens while cheating is a choice you make consciously. However, sex dreams are symbolic. So you may want to analyze what it’s trying to tell you.
4 I’m getting too many sex dreams lately. What should I do?
Seek help from a therapist depending on the gravity of the sex dreams you get. That way, you can reach the root problem of this occurrence before it worsens.
5 Can I still decode the meaning of my sex dream even if I forgot most of it?
Yes. It’s common for many of us not to recollect our dreams fully. But perhaps give it another thought and try to catch any fleeting images from that dream. Items, details, and people, jot them down and refer to our article if they’re applicable.
Sex dreams aren’t something to be weirded out with. They’re normal and come with a strong intent to aid your conscious life. Because if you’re stubborn to hear them from people, they’ll sneak on you when you’re unconscious. Plus, don’t take them literally either. We don’t want you changing your view on certain people, right? So keep note of the details of your sex dream and see how you can improve your life with them.