Want to talk about using sex toys with your partner and not make it awkward? We got you covered, buddy. For today’s featured guide, we will be discussing how you can introduce sex toys in the relationship.
If you feel like sex is getting a bit boring, using sex toys with your partner can surely spice things up. You experience more sensations with a vibrator, conveniently try unusual sex positions with position straps, and even have a kinky roleplay with BDSM toys.
However, there’s still a stigma surrounding sex toys during partnered sex. Some people tend to be intimidated when their partner wants to use adult toys during the deed, thinking that the dildo or masturbator will replace them. Some people also think that sex toys can ruin their relationship, thus they never discuss it with their partner even if they want to try it out.
Now, if you have this thinking, we assure you that sex toys will never be a replacement for human contact. Adult toys only bring more fun and connection in the bedroom. As long as you properly talk about sex toys with your partner, there’s nothing for you to worry about. It’s not going to ruin your relationship, sweetie!
How to Talk About Sex Toys With Your Partner
With that being said, we’ve provided a step-by-step guide on how to approach your partner about sex toys. These steps will help you make a better and awkward-free approach when discussing adult toys.
1Talk about sex openly and regularly.
Can you talk to your partner about sex even in a non-sexual environment? Are you comfortable talking to them about sexual topics? Do you discuss each other’s desires and kinks? These are some of the things that you need to assess first before diving the sex-toy talk.
Because frankly, if you’ve never discussed anything about sex and you’re just gonna pop up discussions about adult toys, your partner might not take it well. So to ease the conversation, start by having a good rapport with your partner about sex. Talk about your past sessions and their preferences. Then once you’re both comfortable discussing sex, you can then start introducing sex toys to your partner.
2Take the chill pill when talking about it.
When you talk about sex toys with your partner, just be cool and casual about it. Don’t think of this as a monumental milestone in the relationship– you’ll just psych yourself out. It’s normal to desire new sensations and sexplorations, so this shouldn’t be a big deal at all. Being too nervous and awkward during the conversation can also affect your partner’s response, so just take the chill pill, bud.
3Show your desired toys and explain how it can bring pleasure on both of you.
During the talk, make sure to emphasize that it’s something for both of you. Reassure them that you love having sex with them, and that sex toys are just there to spice things up. Each person handles these kinds of convos differently, so make sure to be cautious with the words you use.
When showing your desired toys, explain its features, and how it can bring pleasure to both of you. We also suggest starting out with non-intimidating ones. Go for a simple couple vibrator or mini vibe instead of an 8-inch dildo. Take note of your partner’s feelings too. Showing them certain toys (especially ones that resemble a vulva or penis) can trigger insecurities and body image issues.
4Respect your partner’s preferences.
When you talk about using sex toys with your partner, listening is a must. If they have sex toys that they want to try, make sure to take note of that. Also, if they have sex toys on your list that they don’t want to try at all, respect their decision and move on to other options. Again, using sex toys in the bedroom should be a pleasurable experience for both of you– so their opinion matters too.
5Talk before and after using sex toys.
Once you’ve got their consent and purchased the toys, it’s still important to talk about the toys before the deed. Make sure they know how to use the toy too even if you’re the one who will be operating it. Discuss safety rules too!
After having sex, have a quick talk about each other’s experience with the toy. Do they like using the toy? Or they feel uncomfy with it? Do they want to try it with a new sex position? Do they want to fulfill a certain fantasy with it? Here are some of the questions that you can ask your partner after the deed. This will help you keep things moving forward.
Things to Avoid When Talking About Sex Toys With Your Partner
Now that you’ve learned how to talk about using sex toys with your partner, we’ll be moving on to the things that you should avoid. Doing the things under this list will only bring tension to the relationship. Read on!
1Surprising them with sex toys during the deed.
If you’ve never tried sex toys with your partner, surprising them during the deed is a no-no. They didn’t consent to use those toys and might get the wrong impression. You’ll just ruin the steamy mood, sweetie. It’s still best to talk about sex toys with your partner first.
Now, let’s say you’ve been using sex toys for months now, then surprising them with a new sex toy can be more doable. Just make sure you’re surprising them with a new sex toy under the same category. For example, you’ve been using vibrators, just surprise them with a new type of vibrator. In that way, they’ll be thrilled rather than confused.
2Pressuring your partner to say yes.
If your partner isn’t ready for sex toys, respect their decision. Don’t pressure or guilt-trip them into saying yes. Again, your partner has their own reasons for not wanting sex toys during the deed. It’s best to communicate and educate them about these adult toys instead of pushing them to agree.
3Ignoring their preferences.
When you talk about using sex toys with your partner, listening is the key. When they start opening about their desired sex toys, make sure to include them on the shopping list (unless it’s on your hard limits). Also, if there are sex toys that they don’t want to try, make sure to take note of it, too.
Exploring sex toys with your partner can surely bring a lot of fun in the bedroom. You and your partner will be introduced to new sensations, positions, and activities. As long as you’re communicating properly and following our tips above, you’ll have nothing to worry about.
So go ahead and start the conversation! Should you have questions about sex toys, you can use our blog as a resource— we have tons of articles about various sex toys. Enjoy!