Whenever you think of the term “soulmates”, it can make your heart feel a little giddy. Perhaps you’ve gained an idea of what is through media, or witnessed it yourself in person, it leads to imagining all the exhilarating possibilities you’d when you find yours. It doesn’t matter if you’re a romanticist either; everyone wants that intimate connection with someone that they can’t find with others.
If you’re ready to step out of your daydream and search for your soulmate/s (yes, you can have more than one), we have a guide that’ll immerse you more about this bond, what to look out for, and how you can eventually cross paths with them.
But also, don’t fret; the universe will also be of help. It’s a special bond that won’t just pass and fade by that easily.
What is a Soulmate?
The definition of this world-known term varies depending on the person. There’s the common yet simple explanation: “You’ll just know if they’re the one for you”. It’s to connect with yourself to interact with the right people, so you’ll know if they have a deeper meaning in your life.
Beyond one’s physical body, a soulmate can resonate with or understand the actions of their partner without asking. It’s all on instinct, almost like mind reading. According to Psychology Today,
“Soulmates experience communication at non-verbal as well as verbal levels. Nuances of communication occur through facial expression and body language, especially when you are tuned into another person.”
Soulmates are rooted in a deep connection with someone who has a lasting impact on your life, as stated by Family and Marital Psychologist Michael Tobin. Moreover, he emphasized that:
“you must first understand that humans are not meant to be alone and that the purpose of a relationship is not merely to get our individual needs met—but rather as a challenge to grow—and to help our partners reach their potential.”
People may misinterpret that soulmates are like a missing puzzle piece that’ll complete you, but they’re actually there to help mold you into becoming the person you’re meant to be. Being soulmates shouldn’t come from a place of need or desperation to fill in a void.
Another perspective to view soulmates is that they aren’t born, they’re made. They love, compromise, understand, and respect each other. It’s not something that’ll be instantly strong at first glance, but a relationship that you must constantly build and put effort into every day. Whether they are platonic or romantic soulmates, they’ll make things work if they are strongly important in each other’s lives.
Aside from the loving to friendly love soulmates can share, they can also cross your path to teach you vital lessons in your life. They’re people who may share the same purpose and goals as you, so they only want the best for you by aiding in any way they can to get to where you want to go. Based on the words of psychologist and author Suzana E. Flores,
“They can shake up your soul by providing experiences that change the way you perceive yourself and the world.”
Within these various definitions, it holds an essential reason as to why we should engage in them in the long run. From the mind of Dr. Christie Kederian, she believes that
“leaning into these relationships and allowing yourself to experience the kind of connection that makes us feel loved, is what makes life beautiful and connected and we have to learn to embrace this unconditional love and connection, with all its difficulties as well as its gifts.”
Traits to Look For in a Soulmate
It’s always helpful to observe certain personality traits when you’re on your soulmate search, or even just for someone to click with! We listed a bunch of notable traits that act as major green flags on your search.
1 They accept you for who you are.
Whatever flaws you say you have to every quirk you intentionally or unintentionally do, they’ll never look twice. They’d never judge what makes you who you are or what your past mistakes are. As long as you grow from them, they appreciate every aspect of you with open arms.
2 They encourage you during harsh times.
When you feel like the world has turned its back on you, there’s your soulmate cheering you on and telling you not to give up. They check up on you often, hoping you don’t do anything dumb. They’ll also lean into your love languages, so you don’t let the defeat swallow you up. Because in their eyes, you’re always a winner. And in a loss, there’s a lesson to be learned.
3 You feel comfortable around them.
You don’t have to adjust any part of yourself whenever you’re within the same space or chat virtually. Like how you must be professional at work or tone down your personality towards strangers, there’s no shift you make when you’re with them. Nothing feels forced when you’re around them either. You can freely express your authentic self without regrets, showing your weirdness to your uncontrolled excitement on casual interests in tv shows, books, and more.
Also, they respect your need for independence and vice versa. You are both still you’re your own person, so you don’t always have to be together all the time. But when you are, it’s always intimate and magical.
4 They’re very determined.
In every relationship, setbacks, arguments, or fights are unavoidable. They can come when two people are equally stressed and lash out, or their confrontation on something that bothered them took a wrong turn. No matter what the root cause was, they’ll get into troubled waters and may need space from each other to clear their heads. And once they’re in a better headspace, they’ll work things out.
They’re determined to keep the relationship strong and fix it because they love each other. They’ll fight for their relationship to be healthy, making compromises and respecting each other boundaries. They won’t give everything up in an instant if they weren’t worth their time, efforts, and emotions. No relationship is picture-perfect; it’s constantly worked on every day to improve.
5 You balance each other out.
The saying that opposites attract? Yup, that works for soulmates. Aspects of your personalities fill up each other’s gaps, and how you live your lives individually meshes well the more you know each other. And surprisingly, your flaws can benefit each other. Because of this, it allows you to experience and learn more about life than what you’ve already seen and felt. However, these things are not to complete you as a person. That’s a you-job, and soulmates are meant to compliment each other.
6 They’re honest with you.
No bs or bluffing, they’ll be frank with you when needed. It can be a wrong outfit choice or trying something new, but not advisable. Others may think it’s harsh or mean, but knowing that they said those words with good intentions wouldn’t affect you because you’d know them more than others. A soulmate only wants the best for their partner, never wishing bad occurrences to happen to them. But in case they cross the lines, you can always tell them. Other than that, they wish you to be in good spirits always.
Honesty can also come when something they don’t like occurs, and they’re quick to tell you their thoughts. They won’t be silent or ignore their feelings because transparency is the best way to sort problems outs. Instead of repressing, which can lead to outbursts of emotions, they’ll address it right away then the both of you can talk it out. Honesty is the best policy, after all.
7 They’re supportive of your goals and dreams.
As they are encouraging, they always give their 100% support on everything you aspire to achieve. You can always count on them to root for you. Even if it’s a small goal, like eating at this restaurant everyone talks about, they’re first in line to go with you. There’s also a huge chance that you and a possible soulmate have similar aspirations, so the support mirrors back.
As much as they wish you success, you naturally exchange that same energy with them. Why? Because you love them just as much (romantically and platonically) that you only hope good things head their way.
8 They bring an “It’s like I’ve known you all my life” vibe.
Sometimes, there’s no explanation behind the connection of this special person. Even at first glance, something in you clicks that maybe you’ve crossed paths with them before. But really, you haven’t. Regardless, you naturally feel drawn to them, to know everything about them. There’s also this wholesome feeling in your bones that whenever this person comes around, they’re the right one for you. With that, you want to keep them by your side for as long as possible.
9 They’re empathetic.
WWithout exchanging words, they can sense whatever you’re feeling and resonate with you. Happy you got that job offer? They’ll be just as joyous to celebrate that win. Bummed out that you couldn’t attend that concert? They share that sadness with you. In the non-verbal connection, you get to bond more. Thus, you don’t have to share your victories or failures in life alone.
10 They feel like home.
Cheesy enough, like those romantic comedy films. Home brings you comfort and peace from the distress of the outside world, so being with them brings out those positive emotions. You don’t always have to be your best self, but rather your favorite self that allows you to do the things that make you happy. Alongside this, you can easily act this way with your prospective soulmate without worrying about what they’ll think. Because they’re just as ecstatic to be in the same headspace and environment as you.
Tips on How to Find Your Soulmate
Now you know what traits to look out for in a soulmate, it’s a matter of how we search for them amid the 7 billion people in the world. But don’t fret, we have tips that’ll help filter out incompatible people to your ideal match (or matches).
1 Constantly work on being a better you.
Your soulmate won’t just pop out of nowhere (unless you’re lucky to live in a rom-com film). So in the meantime, invest in yourself first before anyone else. See if there are any hobbies you want to improve on or take more time enhancing personal interests you may have put aside when life got busy for you. Doing this allows you to gain confidence and eventually get more ideas on what makes an ideal soulmate in your life.
2 Be comfortable in your skin.
Never let anything change you from being your authentic self. If you can’t be yourself around others, getting into a relationship will feel like a facade. And aren’t soulmates meant to give you ease and peace of mind as you allow yourself to lower your guard? Own every aspect of yourself that makes you you, and if you have flaws, so what? Take time to improve them or view them in a more optimistic light. Your future partner would love someone who finds empowerment and love within themselves.
3 Get clear with what you want.
If you have a goal, you’d have a step-by-step plan to follow to achieve it. With soulmates, sort out what exactly are your priorities and standards when it comes to a future soulmate. Soulmates are someone who’d have similar goals and perspectives in life, so by figuring out what you want, you’re less likely to waste time, face uncertainty, and get into misunderstandings. Not being 100% present here is a plan for disaster.
4 Perfection is a hoax.
Perhaps by now, you may have some standards and traits you look for in an ideal soulmate. However, you don’t have to be strict on following each and every one, filtering out whoever misses your list. Because it’s possible you can miss the right person for you.
Instead of closing off easily, keep an open mind on those people who may tick some boxes off your list but makes you want to learn more about them. At the end of the day, a soulmate must accept every aspect of you as much as you accept them for who they are.
5 Don’t rush.
Everyone has their own timelines, so don’t feel discouraged if your friends manage to find their soulmate before you do. They have their own journey, in which you may only know the surface level of it. Take this time to work on yourself and your goals. If you still feel pressured, there’s nothing wrong with stepping out of the hunting game. Because often or not, the person or people for you come to you when you least expect it.
6 Put yourself out there.
There’s that old saying, “A journey to a thousand miles begins with a single step”. You must make a move rather staying standstill in this long-term journey of finding a soulmate because you won’t get anywhere. Whatever holds you back, whether from fear, anxiety, or any other negative feeling from doing something out of your comfort zone, be gentle with yourself and start small. Small progress is still progress.
Moreover, you can put yourself in this search by attending more social gatherings with your friends or engaging in dating apps. Maximize whatever other options you have and build from there. That way, you’ll come across more people and perhaps, cross paths with that special person.
7 Be willing to compromise.
The older we get, the more our values or outlook on life can change. Change is inevitable, so simply go with the flow and accept new things as they are. There’s nothing wrong with switching things up with your dynamic, as it may attract someone into your circle without warning.
Compromising is also suitable when you get into a misunderstanding. Be open to listening to other people’s opinions, and don’t let your pride take charge. Every situation has a middle ground, so you must work on it. That way, no one gets hurt.
8 Pay attention to red flags.
Quite self-explanatory. If you observe any attitudes or behaviors from someone deemed disrespectful or not ideal in your lifestyle, you shouldn’t engage with this person anymore. It would be even better if you could spot them early on in the relationship so they don’t create a major snowball effect over time. And opposite to the previous point, never negotiate with red flags. You’ll only get hurt in the end if you keep allowing yourself to forgive and forget about them.
9 Observe your chemistry.
Aside from having this unexplainable connection with your partner, making you click effortlessly, notice how strong your spark can be. It doesn’t matter if they tick all your boxes, but note the attraction you have for each other. Whether you’re out on a fancy date or staying in to binge-watch movies, do you still feel that rush of excitement whenever you’re with them? That no matter what you do, you’ll find yourself enjoying your time with them?
As much as it’s important to connect emotionally, having that physical chemistry is just as vital.
10 Communication is key.
In every relationship, talking it out is the best way to learn more about your needs or whatever’s been bothering you. So rather than just relying on reading body language, it helps to reach out verbally to relieve any pent-up stress. That way, you’ll be able to solve problems better and lessen any misunderstandings from happening.
11 Widen your social circle.
Quality over quantity when it comes to your friends is one thing, which is honestly great. However, constantly sticking in one crowd may not give you access to new, potential faces. With this, you can expand your crowd through your hobbies or reconnect with old friends, who may lead you to new people. Don’t hesitate, put in the effort, and interact with whoever interests you. Who knows, you’ll build long-term friendships along the way.
12 Ask for advice from your close companions.
Over your journey of searching, you don’t have to carry the full weight all the time. With that, asking for guidance from people you can trust, such as family or friends, can lessen the burden. They’ll reassure you and reaffirm you so you can view the journey as something exciting. Because this journey is not something achievable overnight, they’ll help you find enjoyment in it again. Again, seeking a soulmate shouldn’t be out of desperation, dependence, or need.
13 Listen to your gut feelings.
Your gut feelings are like your guardian angels. We may fool them with butterflies in our stomach, which we correlate with a high romantic interest in someone. However, a soulmate is someone we should feel at ease with. So if your gut feeling churns and senses something off with the prospect person, don’t shun them down.
There must be more than what meets the eye; we may regret not listening to it the first time when bad things occur. It may help to write down why your gut feels that way so you can return to it later. Perhaps to confirm any suspicions about that person.
14 Observe how they react to challenging things.
Going through challenges with a future soulmate allows you to witness how they act towards tests and trials. Will they work around it and break down the problem, or will they give up at first glance? It can be something as simple as a puzzle or major like a clash in schedules on a day you’re supposed to hang out. See if they’ll remain calm or give in to the pressure. It’s through challenges we can see one’s true nature and whether they’re an ideal match for you when you’re put through more difficult life situations.
15 Put in the work.
Nothing works unless you (and your soulmate) do. Combining all these previous tips, they depend on how much effort, time, and communication you and your partner put into keeping it strong and healthy. Relationships aren’t meant to be a breeze in the park; you’ll constantly be shaken and tested by numerous external factors.
In being soulmates, you make sure to bring out the best in each other and be a helping hand in your journeys while not relying on each other for all your needs. Soulmates are two independent people who share a strong connection in your souls, so always work on strengthening your bond while hustling to be better versions of yourselves.
No words can properly explain the bond between soulmates, but rather it’s something you let your emotions take charge of. If something clicks, then it clicks! Love, romantic or platonic, may often have odd ways of bringing people together, but it doesn’t make it less meaningful than the rest. Soulmates connect in a way only they can understand, and that in itself is beautiful.