Pretty sure there’s one guy in your life that you’ve pinned for so long, refusing all the signs that he’s not into you. You’ve lost sleep just thinking about him and what his real intentions are. You’ve convinced yourself he’s probably busy that’s why he hasn’t messaged in a day… or in a whole week.
Girl, wake up! Don’t you see the pattern here? You’re the one constantly making excuses for his inexcusable behavior. Women may be known for their intuition when it comes to men’s behavior. But sometimes, even the most intuitive of us can become blind as a bat when we’re waaaaay too emotionally invested in a guy. We don’t see the telltale signs or just outright refuse to believe what’s already right in front of us.
If you’re in that kind of situation right now, please get rid of your rose-colored glasses. Break it in two, step on it, hear it crunch against the soles of your shoes, and throw it away! It’s time for you to see what’s really up. If you find any of these 20 signs describing your relationship with your crush/fling, kick him out to the curb, asap!
1You’re always initiating everything.
This is one of the major signs that he’s not into you. Take some time and assess yourself– are you the only one who makes the first move? Did this guy ever try messaging you first and asking you out?
We know it’s the 21st century, and women are free to do the pursuing. But sis please, not even one single initiative from his side? We’re not here to give you a hard time for going after what you want, but we’re here to remind you that effort has to come from both sides. You deserve someone who also makes out of their way to connect with you the way you would do to them.
2He’s always unavailable for you.
One of the signs that he’s not into you or not is that he never responds well to your “Let’s hang out” invites. When you do manage to try and set up a date with him, he always has a ready-made excuse not to meet up with you. It’s either he’s busy or it’s something else. Maybe his house is on fire, or he broke a nail. His excuses just never end!
This one definitely spells out that he’s not into you. If he was truly interested, he’s not going to come up with lame excuses. And we get that some people are simply busy– maybe he’s indeed having a hard time with something right now. But seriously? He can’t really give at least an hour of his time? If that’s the case, maybe it’s best to distance yourself from this dude– he might even be thankful for it.
3He’s only there when it’s convenient.
One of the main signs that he’s not into you is when your man is being so damn inconsistent. Sometimes he’s smothering you with affection. And here you are thinking he’s totally head over heels for you. But some days, he acts like you don’t even exist. When he needs a cuddle or someone to talk to, you’re always there for him. But when it’s time you need him, he’s nowhere to be found. You’re left wondering. Why did he suddenly pull away? Was it something that you did?
No, it’s not your fault. This guy isn’t just that interested. Now, we don’t say that this guy should be always there all the freaking time. But here’s the thing, someone that truly cares for you wouldn’t be this inconsistent. They will try to be there for you when you need them and not just when things are convenient for them.
4His replies online are short and meh.
There’s really nothing more annoying than sending long-ass sweet thoughtful messages to that special someone only to receive curt responses. And that’s after you’ve been waiting for his reply for hours, to days and even weeks. It only takes a few tapping away on the phone to come up with a more meaningful message. But he doesn’t even bother with that.
5He never asked about your life.
One of the obvious signs that he’s not into you is that he never bothered knowing you deeply. You ask about how his day went. You know all about his favorite food, his birthday, his dog’s birthday, even his parents’ birthday. But ask him what your last name is and he’s going to give you that stupefied stare.
It’s sad really, taking so much of your time, while he never takes any interest in yours. He doesn’t try to scratch the surface and really get to know you. He never asks about your favorite movies, or how you got your first heartbreak, or anything at all. So if you feel like you’re in this situation, we suggest to distance yourself and heal your heart.
6You feel like a booty call.
He makes time for you, sure. But only when he’s lying alone in bed and needs a warm body to join him. After vanishing on you like the invisible man but suddenly showing up again like a mushroom on decayed wood, he actually has the nerve to ask you to have sex.
Now, if you’re looking for friends with benefits, sure, the occasional hookups will suffice. But if you like this guy in a romantic way… please don’t keep your hopes up. Never mistake it for him wanting you for more than a fuck buddy, when all he’s ever done is seek you out when he’s horny. This could be one of the signs he’s not into you as he only sees as temporary pleasure.
7You don’t feel any sexual tension with him.
Let’s be real here, if a guy is interested in a woman, it will show in his body language. A guy that likes you will be all over you, trying to get close to you as much as possible. They will stare and talk to you in a more sultry way. He’s showing some affection and even blurts out an occasional sexy joke. He will try all his power to make himself a potential mate for you.
Now, if your crush acts like that to you– then there’s a chance that he’s interested in dating you. But if they don’t act sensual at all, then this could just be one of the clear signs that he’s not into you.
8He has been treating you as one of the boys.
In connection to the previous point, one of the signs that he’s not into you is that he doesn’t even see you as a woman. Don’t take this literally– what we mean is you’re just one of the bros. You’re a close friend and nothing more.
Now, to check if you’re one of his bros, just observe if he treats you the way he treats his other close friends. If the way he acts on them is the same as the way he acts on you, this only means that it’s time to stop crushing on him.
9He flirts with other women and doesn’t even try to hide it.
This is one of the biggest signs that he’s not into you. If that dude truly liked you, he wouldn’t openly flirt with other women. Yeah, sure, he flirted on you too and even used some charming lines to hook you in, but that doesn’t mean he’s actually interested. Maybe he just likes the chase, and since you’re all over him now, he’s looking for a new quest.
We get it, that’s shitty behavior, but this is how reality works. Shamelessly flirting with other girls, not caring about how you’re feeling, should definitely be a warning sign that he’s not into you. Stop deluding yourself that he’s only doing it to make you jealous.
10He doesn’t care if you’re with someone else.
Here’s the thing, a guy that genuinely likes you wouldn’t overreact if you’re with someone else, but they would try to know who this person is and even try to work hard to get your attention instead. In short, he still gives a damn and is concerned with who you’re with.
On the other hand, if he’s not into you, he would just not care– and you’ll definitely feel it. Maybe he would even congratulate you on your new date. If he only sees you as a friend, that’s usually how they would approach the situation.
11You’re just a relationship coach to him.
You know you’re deep in the bro-zone if he starts asking you about his dating game. He brings up the topic of other women. Women he’s interested in, of course. And he asks you how he can have a chance with them.
Yet again, don’t think of it as him playing the jealousy games with you. Don’t get your hopes high. It’s just one of the obvious signs that he’s not into you. He really just needs a female opinion and considers you as a close friend, that’s why he’s openly sharing his dating life with you.
12He’s not interested in your stories.
Here you are, pouring your heart out. Telling this guy all about your life story. He hasn’t exactly asked, but you’re still giving him the details of your life anyway. And here he is, thinking about what he’s going to have for dinner and zoning out. You’ve asked him about being your date at your cousin’s wedding, and they just nod, not really taking in what you’ve just said. So when your cousin’s wedding day comes, you’re there all by your lonesome self. Because he forgot all about it and already made other plans for the day.
Sis, if a person likes you, they will listen. They’ll be so glad that you’re sharing these funny tidbits of your life. They will also take a mental note of your invites and your plans together because they care and genuinely want your company. If the guy doesn’t reciprocate your energy and doesn’t remember anything about your stories, then this is just one of the subtle signs that he’s not into you.
13He’s emotionally distant.
He’s never really vulnerable around you. You feel that you’re never really reaching the far recesses of his hearts. You come knocking, but he’s closed off. He’s just always so emotionally distant no matter how hard you try.
Vulnerability is something we only show to a select few people. And these are the people who we actually care about in our lives. So if he refuses to open up to you, it’s most likely because he doesn’t see you as anything more.
14He’s never willing to take that extra mile.
In times of dire needs, it’s an impulse to call on your man to come and get you out in a pinch. But when you do call him, he’s not willing to come to your rescue. If he truly cared for you, he’s going to show up no matter where or what the circumstances are. He’s doing the questioning later and makes it a priority to be there with you.
Now, we’re not saying that your man should be like some superhero, helping you even if the circumstances are impossible. What we mean by this is that a guy who cares for you will try to help you out. Can’t go to the area? They will call you instead. Can’t call? They will message. In need of physical help? They will at least try to call a friend who’s nearby. But if the person decides to just say “good luck” and not help you in any form, then that’s just one of the clear signs that he’s not into you.
15He doesn’t flex at all.
One of the subtle signs that he’s not into you is he doesn’t even try to flex while you’re around. Hey, a little bit of flexing never hurt anyone. Guys can’t help but brag (in a non-dick way possible) a little when they’re around the woman they desire. He may mention his new car, or his promotion at work, very casually at that, in the hopes of impressing her.
He’s also going to try and impress you with his style. He’s going to put a lot of effort into his grooming when he’s going to meet her that day. May even shave his groins. If your guy doesn’t try to impress you even just a little bit, then he clearly cares very little about your opinions of him.
16He never introduced you to his family and friends.
Sometimes signs that he’s not into you aren’t too in your face so you gotta pay attention. If you never see any of his friends or family, and it’s like he’s some sort of a hermit, then that’s something to look into. And when you ask him if he can introduce you to any of his friends or his family members, he stutters and changes the subject.
Guys are just like girls, they also want to hear what their bros have to say about the girl they’re interested in. And if it’s not to get their opinions, it’s to show off the girl of their adoration. But when he doesn’t do any of that, oh girl, you better take the hint.
17Your friends are showing you the signs that he’s not into you.
When emotions are high, you tend to get blindsided and make poor judgments. Luckily, your friends are there to tell you you’re making bad decisions after bad decisions.
If this guy of yours isn’t up to par with your friends’ standards, and they seem to be in universal agreement that he’s not good for you, then accept it as a clear sign that he’s not into you and heed their advice immediately.
18He’s still attached to an ex.
One of the signs that he’s not into you (and probably will never be) is that he’s still attached to an old flame. Now, this sign is tough to check since you can’t just blatantly ask someone “Have you ever moved on?” without getting an offended reaction.
But still, try to insert the “Ex-talk” in one of your dates. It’s not a pleasant conversation for you either. But at some point, your curiosity gets the better of you and you start poking about his past relationships. How did they break up? Who called it off? What went wrong? These are just the questions you want to ask.
Now, see how he reacts. Is he bitter or is he civil with it? Do his eyes light up when he talks about his ex or he’s pretty chill? Check for the body cues. Now, if the way he talks about his ex seemed like he’s still attached to them, then maybe it’s time to step back and let him heal. It’s one of the obvious signs that he’s not into you. If he’s not ready to move on, then maybe it’s you who have to move on.
19He’s clear on not wanting commitment.
Mention anything about commitment and you can find him running for the hills like you’re a serial killer with a chainsaw in your hands. He may come up with different reasons. Maybe it’s about his ex, or he’s just going through a stressful period right now, or maybe he’s just really looking for a good time, but the message is loud and clear. He doesn’t have any plans of going exclusive with you.
If you’re looking for a committed relationship, we suggest taking a U-turn and find someone who is also looking for an exclusive relationship. Don’t waste your time waiting for this dude.
20He never did anything to make you happy.
We want you to think clearly on this one. Think about the times when he actually did anything worth having your admiration and attention. Can’t think of any? If there was, was it a one-time thing or maybe two? Does he really deserve that much attention from you? You’re the only one who can answer that. All we ask is that you be honest with yourself.
Guys may lead you on. Sometimes they do it consciously. Stringing you along just because they like to have you around as their option. Other times they’re not really doing it on purpose. You just happen to fall for him but he hasn’t done any of the falling.
Whichever the case is, if you can relate to any of the situations mentioned above, it’s high time you snap out of your denial and hopeless wanting. He’s shown signs that he’s not into you and it’s time to stop making excuses for him.
Time invested in a hopeless love interest is just time wasted. If he’s not into you, allow yourself to be sad about it, then move on. It may sting a bit, but you can get over it. And the sooner you can get back on your feet, the sooner you can meet that guy who’s actually just as interested in you as you are in him.