In this day and age, everyone just seems to have paired off with someone. Even your younger cousin whom you used to pick up from her crib is now posting pictures of herself in Facebook where she’s all lovey-dovey with her boyfriend. And when you check the comments section, you see her and her boyfriend exchanging sweet messages as if they don’t see each other in school every day. You want to think that’s cute but really, all you want to tell them is, “OMG KIDS, GO TO SCHOOL!” All of this while you sit in front of your computer, probably eating a day-old pizza, all by your lonesome self. I’m not talking from my real life experience here, okay? (really, I’m not!) But it’s during these times when you can’t help but ask yourself, “Why the heck am I still single?”
Indeed, why are you still single? It seems to be one of those questions shrouded in mystery. The more you think about it, the less you understand. It’s like asking what happened to those ships and planes that supposedly went missing in the Bermuda Triangle? Yup, it’s that much of an enigma.
We’re not claiming to have all the answers to all the mysteries in the world, so we’re not even gonna try to attempt and solve the case of the Bermuda Triangle. But you can always trust us to at least try and troubleshoot your relationship problems, or in this case, your lack thereof. We’ve racked up our brains, did our research, and came up with the most likely reasons why you still haven’t found a partner.
You’re a scaredy-cat who can’t handle intimacy.
You scaredy-cat. You claim you want to be loved yet when someone is willing to show you the love and affection you’ve been asking for, your reaction is to run for the hills like you’re being chased by a serial killer in a thriller movie. Why? It all boils down to the fact that you just can’t seem to handle intimacy. The same way a lactose intolerant can’t handle milk in her diet.
If this sounds like you, then here’s what an expert has to say about it.
According to Robert Firestone, a psychologist, “Most people admit that they want to find a loving partner, but are too afraid that the experience of real love may shatter the fantasies they have of love. These fantasies have served as a survival mechanism since their childhood. Their reaction is to push away and punish the beloved acts to preserve their negative self-image and reduce anxiety”. That probably explains why every time a guy starts showing signs that he likes you too much, or when he does anything sweet, you tend to push that person away. You find faults in him to give you enough reason to leave.
You don’t even go out.
Riddle me this. How does someone who stays at home all the time and only interact with her family members and cat ever be able to snag someone? Through some sort of black magic, I guess? So unless you have the hocus pocus to conjure up a boyfriend out of thin air, the chances of you getting one are slim to none if you don’t go out that much. Unless you try to go out and actually meet someone, you’re gonna be single for the rest of your life.
That’s not to say we don’t get how some people are just wired to prefer to be in the comforts of their homes rather than be outside meeting new people. But when you’re on the lookout for a potential match, even if it’s a guy you’ve met online, you still have to meet eventually. There’s just no other way to do it. You’re going to have to build connections, establish rapport, and follow up on these ties.
You’re picky as fuck.
So you have standards. That’s a good thing. Gotta set those bars high because you know you’re worth it. We agree that you never have to settle for anything less. But here’s the thing: there’s a thin line between setting a standard and being nitpicky. If your friends have been telling you that you’re being picky as fuck, then you probably have to reevaluate those standards of yours. Are you looking for someone who looks like Chris Hemsworth and has the brains of Einstein? Does he have to own a car? Or have a set of perfect teeth with no blemishes on his face? If they don’t meet your checklist, do you automatically reject them?
Instead of seeing their potential, you only see how they don’t fit the image of the ideal boyfriend you have in your head. If you don’t see a pattern here, then we’re happy to point it out to you. Girl, your standards are impossible to meet. And you need some hard reality check. It’s a real shame because you can be missing out on the good matches. If you keep waiting for someone like that to appear, you’re going to end up single for the rest of your life.
You’re hung up on your ex.
Ohhh, the dreaded ex talk. Yup, we’re going to have this conversation right now. You may have sworn to yourself that you’re totally over Michael who broke your heart into tiny pieces. He’s a total douche and doesn’t deserve a second of your life. You tell yourself you’re ready to fall in love again. But every once in a while, usually at 2 am when you’re having one of those sleepless nights, you find yourself searching up his name on Facebook or Instagram. You’re looking for clues whether he’s got a new girl and whether he’s happy without you in his life.
It’s time to be honest with yourself. If he still has a place in your heart even after he’s hurt you, you’re not doing anyone any favor if you try and go find someone else who can take his place. Going on dates with this intention may only end up with more disappointment. Your date is going to sense that you’re still in love with someone else. In one way or another, you’re going to reveal it—whether through your actions, speech, or body language.
The best thing to do when you’re still not over your ex is to let yourself heal. Enjoy being single again. You got more time in your hands now and you can use that to pursue your old hobbies or find a new sport. Just hang out with your family and friends, or even focus on your career and get that promotion you’ve always wanted. What’s important is that you fill your days with the self-care and love that you deserve.
You’re just not willing to compromise.
Being in a relationship requires the two of you working together. You don’t only think for yourself. You also put into consideration what’s best for the two of you. It can’t be helped that some necessary sacrifices have to be made for your relationship to stay strong.
The time you used to hang out with your girls is now the time you spend with your boyfriend. Your well-planned routine which you’ve been sticking to for years suddenly has to be adjusted to make way for your last-minute plans with your boyfriend. The job opening overseas seems to be an unlikely option. Situations like these which require some sort of compromise are just some of the things you have to deal with once you’re in a relationship. If you’re not willing to give up that much, then a relationship just isn’t for you.
You come off as way too independent.
You’re a strong independent single woman. You can handle your day-to-day life without any help from others. You’re successful in every sense of the word and it shows. But there’s a setback to that. The “independent woman” image that you have is warding off potential suitors.
There’s nothing wrong with you, you’ve worked so hard to be on that level and you should be proud of yourself. But it’s human nature to want to be needed by someone. And if you don’t exactly give off the impression that you need anyone, people just don’t know what’s going to be their role in your life. This uncertainty makes them uneasy. In the end, they move on to someone else whose life they think they can add value to.
You’re low on self-esteem.
Whenever someone takes an interest in you, you feel as if the laws that govern the world has somehow messed up. It’s so hard for you to believe that someone likes you. Such an unlikely thing to happen that you can’t help but think that something must be wrong with that person. Maybe he’s got a few screws loose. Or maybe he’s a psychopath. Your state of disbelief gets you asking questions such as, “Am I being pranked?”, “Is there a camera somewhere?”, “What does he want from me?”
Overthinking seems to be a common trait among people with low self-esteem. Rather than just accept the fact that someone deemed you desirable, you’re more comfortable assuming that there’s fluke somewhere and that you don’t deserve the attention that you’re getting.
The reason why you’ve been single for the longest time doesn’t always have to be one factor. It can be a combination of many things. If you feel that you’re ready for a relationship, being able to pinpoint what’s getting in the way of you finding a partner can help with your cause. Assess yourself, adjust your outlook, and change your attitude. That’s the way to do it. But if being single is a conscious choice that you’ve made, then there’s no need to pressure yourself. As long as you’re happy, then you’re perfectly fine.