Do you believe in the three month rule in dating? Some do, some don’t, others are neutral with it with certain reservations. This modern dating phenomenon has grown quite popular online with varying opinions and takes on it.
Let’s talk more in depth about this rule through this guide down below.
What is the Three Month Rule?
The three month rule is the idea wherein within 3 months or 90 days, you decide whether to make big emotional or relationship-related changes and even commitments. It can be to further pursue a person, end things and break up, sleeping with them, or if they’re a good next match after being with another person. 3 months was set as the standard because around that time period, couples can sense certain changes, whether it’s good or not so good.
There are two common representations of this rule: post-breakup (waiting 3 months before dating again) and a fully new relationship (waiting 3 months to take things to the next level emotionally or physically).
For some, this rule makes sense in theory because it teaches them not to waste time on someone whom they don’t align with entirely. However, it’s possible we miss out on someone great as relationships are complex and you may not see the full potential of your bond in under 3 months.
It can be a hit or miss, and some people may resonate with it or not. After all, every relationship is different.
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Pros of the Three Month Rule
Indulge in the fun aspects of following this rule here.
1 It encourages intentional dating.
Whether it’s for a certain purpose or something short-term, the three month rule refrains following from pure impulse or purpose. It lets you pause and ponder on someone, going “is this person aligned to my values?”, “am i ready for a relationship?” or “am i emotionally prepared for a serious relationship again?”
You avoid beating around the bush and come clean with what you really want (e.g., compatibility, communication, emotional maturity, etc.) rather than just chasing a temporary thrill.
2 It allows better adjustment.
3 months or 90 days is a relatively good time period to get to know someone and evaluate if they’re a compatible match for you. Even in a week of just dating and seeing and communicating with each other as often as you can, you’d be able to point out their interests, disinterests, traits, and pet peeves. Those factors further pick out whether they’re genuinely a good person or putting up a front.
Moreover, the three month rule may even be able to catch any yellow or red flags during this time. Deal breakers too!
3 You get to take your time.
3 months is a lengthy time. When you’re seeing someone, you and your partner can run things at your own pace and stray away from making any impulsive decisions. Whether it’s rooted in lust or loneliness, you’d be more level-headed and grounded to know what’s ideal in this time frame and what isn’t.
For example, you set no kissing until after the 3rd date and/or no sex until after the 7th date. This also lessens any pressure and nerves felt because again, you’re taking things slow and steady. You have nothing to prove or impress here.
4 You gain more emotional clarity.
The three month rule prevents a person from entering a rebound relationship if they just ended things with another person. It also gives them enough time to heal and reflect on the past so they can have a brighter future ahead in dating. Morever, this rule also lets someone take a step back and truly evaluate someone before jumping into things, especially if it’s their first relationship.
5 It builds stronger relationship pillars.
Some of the core pillars of a relationship are trust, communication, and respect. The three month rule encourages that as 3 months is a good time frame to develop and eventually strengthen them when both parties are active to work on them. And all at their own pace too so they’re no rush into vulnerability and opening up while also getting what they need from each other to make the relationship work.
Cons of the Three Month Rule
Let’s break down the potential downsides of following this dating rule.
1 It’s not a size-one-fits-all rule.
Not everyone can be emotionally ready for a relationship in 3 months. Even if they click with someone, the commitment itself may still be overwhelming to them so not all relationships would work by using this rule.
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2 It may delay genuine interaction and bonding.
Some people may put 3 months on a stopwatch to rush things. Others may naturally bond with each right away and already know what they want. Whatever the case is, the three month rule may hold them back from moving at the pace they want to go in, which can then disrupt the flow of their ongoing relationship.
3 It feels inauthentic.
Having only 3 months to figure out if someone is for you? Yikes, that may not be everyone’s preferred choice of dating as they may not like setting timelines on relationships. They want to follow their own pace and rhythm rather than following rigid rules. Because again, it’s a case by case scenario on whether or not you find your person in those 3 months.
4 Unintentional distance may be created.
3 months may be viewed as a long period for some of us, and it’s not something they want. If they want to date someone for real, they want it right away as the delay in time seems unnecessary. It can be interpreted as disinterest or emotional unavailability. Thus, this rule may not be applicable to them.
5 There’s potential for mixed signals to occur.
When there’s one person in the dynamic who isn’t aware that the rule is in play or they don’t agree with it, the relationship may lead to confusion or disappointment. And so this is why communication is important.
Is It Worth Following?
Oh, bestie, it depends on the person.
We all have different dating styles and preferences. For those who likes the short-term thrill of dating or needs emotional clarity post-breakup, using the third month rule may work in their favor. But for those who want more time to build a stronger connection and learn more about their communication skills, this rule may halt them from finding their true matches. Understand that what matters here is intentionality, wherein making mindful choices and decisions is key to being successful in relationships.
In other words, there’s no wrong or right answer. You have to know your dating style best to see if this rule works for you.
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How to Follow The Three Month Rule
If you’re someone who can work around 3 months in terms of relationships (based on the previous section), then surely you’d want to have a proper, insightful guide on how to work around it. Well this section of tips is for you to learn and be safe and cautious about this rule. Good luck!
1 Be clear with your intentions.
And communicate it early on too! Discussing this with your partner during the early stages can set the tone and encourage honesty on why you want to take your time with them. Sharing your boundaries, may it be texting occasionally or less physical touch at the start, helps with setting expectations and ensures that you both act on your best behavior and respect each other.
2 Do focus on your self-growth.
While dating is fun and all, it’s important to be aware of what can gain in this relationship. Or mainly, what you can want and need in it so they serve as your guide as things progress. Plus, it puts gives you more direction so you don’t end up just getting the bare minimum and actually benefit from this person.
Aside from this, set some goals for yourself that aren’t related to dating. It shows that you have a life outside of it and that it doesn’t revolve around relationships alone. For example, try a new hobby or renew your driver’s license. Get creative here!
3 Stay observant as time passes.
From start, middle, to the latter, notice how their behavior all throughout. Are they consistent? Are they genuine with their words and actions? How do they deal with conflict? What changed and what didn’t change? Go beyond the the joy of honeymoon phase and witness what they’re like, taking notes so you can decide if they’re the one for you.
At the same time, watch out for warning signs that may arise to spare you from the stress and hurt this person may do upon you.
4 Avoid overcommitting.
This tip on the three month rule is major! Hold off any big commitments like moving on, being exclusive, physical intimacy, marriage even, until the time feels right. Use this rule as a guide rather than a finish line too so you can truly cherish your time together. Plus, take this time to have fun and date regularly rather rushing things and making promises neither of you can keep.
5 Use this time to heal rather than suppress.
For those who are following the three month rule after a breakup, take it as a sign to heal, feel everything, and grow rather than covering up old wounds and scars. You’ll only hurt more and disrupt your healing journey. Let yourself be open and vulnerable, and also not fully take away the joy and hope of dating.
Takeaway
The three month rule is only one out of many ways to date around. While it can provide a space of healing and finding your pace, it’s important to honor your own boundaries and needs throughout it. And to also be on the same page as your partner. All in all, prioritize intentionality and clarity over urgency!
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