One of the common misconceptions about flirting is that being good at it is a natural trait. It’s either you have it or don’t. That’s why shy people tend to avoid flirting overall, thinking that they’ll never know how to flirt and that their awkwardness would just ruin it. That’s not necessarily the case, though.
According to Dr. Emily Morse, Doctor of Human Sexuality and a pioneering MasterClass Instructor on Sex and Communication, flirting and socializing is an exercise; you’ll have to keep doing it to be good at it.
It’s normal to be awkward at first, especially if you’ve just put yourself out of your comfort zone. So if you’ve flirted with someone and it didn’t end as you would expect, don’t quit and hide from the shadows again. Instead, use that as a learning experience. We also recommend checking out flirting guides, such as the one you’re reading right now to expand your horizons and level up your flirting game.
For today’s featured guide, we will be discussing the different tips on how to flirt in person and online. We’re also going to share some general tips on flirting, so make sure to stay tuned for that.
Flirting In Person
Whether you’ve first connected through a dating app, you’ve been friends for a while, or you’ve met them on the spot, establishing that flirty vibe may take some time. However, this shouldn’t discourage you from trying to spark a connection. You might not realize it, but that person could be someone special that you’ve been looking for. So, with that, here are some tips on how to flirt in person.
1Start with an eye gaze.
As the saying goes, the eyes are the window to your soul. So if you’re interested in someone, make sure to express that through your gaze. Eye contact is a flirting technique that is also recommended by most dating experts and relationship coaches, so don’t hesitate to use your eyes when trying to flirt with someone. Here are some eye-gazing techniques that you can use when trying to flirt with someone.
When you’re on a date, make sure to do this technique when conversing with them. Peeking is a series of brief glances that you give when someone is talking. It shows interest in what the person is talking about and is considered a great warm-up for an extended gaze.
It’s a lingering look that lasts longer than peeking. While doing this method, make sure to give that subtle smile. Also, the extended gaze is different from staring, so don’t go overboard with this one— your date might misinterpret it as something creepy.
The Eyebrow Lift
Did you know that we subconsciously raise our eyebrows when we’re genuinely pleased to see someone? It generally puts a person, especially if someone you’ve just met, to be at ease. That’s why if you want to create that inviting vibe while trying to flirt with someone, try subtly raising your eyebrows. But, same with the previous technique, don’t go overboard with this one, or the person may think you’re feeling something else instead.
The Flirting Triangle
We highly suggest this one during dates, especially if you’ve established a good rapport with the person. While the person talks about something, start by looking them at the left eye, then on their nose/mouth, then to their right eye, then back at a steady gaze. What’s great about this eye-gazing method is that it brings that element of seduction, enticing your date to keep on gazing with you.
Ever seen someone across the room that piques your interest? Wanted to strike a conversation with them but unsure with the right approach? We suggest going for this eye-gazing technique first. Just look at that person and if the person notices you, just give a subtle smile. If the person smiles back and starts staring back at you, that’s a signal for you to approach that person. On the other hand, if they look weirded out or move on a different spot, it could mean that they’re uncomfortable with the staring.
2Use your smile.
Smiling is one way to show that you’re genuinely interested in someone. As much as possible, go for a genuine and open smile, wherein your smile reaches your eyes, and your whole face just seems to light up. You can also opt for a “shy” smile, wherein you give an extended gaze then smile as you remove yourself from eye contact.
As you try to flirt with someone, sprinkle in some compliments to express your admiration. You can compliment their style, talents, or even their personality. For instance, if they talked about charity work, you can compliment them for their kindness or selflessness.
4Keep the conversation light and playful.
As you try to flirt with someone, make sure to keep the conversation flowing. Don’t just focus on talking about yourself; you might come off as arrogant and uninterested.
When your date is sharing something, genuinely listen to what they’re saying. Let them play an active role in the convo; never interrupt them unless you’ve got something funny, flirty, or essential to say. And once they’re done with the story, you can either have a playful response to it, share your own story related to what they’ve just shared, or ask further questions about it. Your date will surely appreciate this, and it’ll increase your attractiveness meter.
Also, if you’re trying to flirt with someone during a date, don’t start nor trigger deep or sensitive topics. For instance, it may be difficult to add some flirtatious remarks to a person who just discussed losing their pets or a similar subject. Instead, save those deep conversations on the next dates once you’ve established a romantic connection with this person.
5Go for subtle touching.
Along with eye contact and smiling, touching is also highly recommended when trying to flirt with someone. Research shows that even a light tap on the arm can increase the possibility of getting a woman’s phone number. However, before trying to touch your date, you have established a flirty rapport first. Don’t just start holding your date when you’re still on that awkward stage of the date. Here are some examples:
- You’ve probably seen this movie move, but this is actually an effective way of increasing the flirty vibe even in realistic scenarios. If your date has something on the side of their mouth, wipe it with a tissue. Make sure to ask for consent, though, before doing this.
- If you’re sitting next to each other, try giving subtle taps on the arm during the date.
- If you’re walking, try to gently press your hands on the back of their waist or shoulders. It’s meant to be a caring gesture as you’re guiding them as you walk around. As we’ve mentioned earlier, ask for consent and make sure you’ve established that flirty rapport before going for this type of touching.
6Amp the flirtation through body language.
Matching your flirtatious remarks with engaging body language is a must. As the saying goes, actions speak louder than words. Your body language needs to show that you’re interested, harmless, and approachable; this will put your special someone at ease. If you’re acting differently that doesn’t match your flirtatious energy, your date may end up being confused, or you would be perceived as insincere.
With that being said, here are some of the body language techniques that you can try to express your flirtatious self:
As the name implies, you’ll be mirroring your date’s behavior. You don’t have to exactly follow their every single move; repeating a few actions can do the trick. You can also mirror their energy. For instance, if they’re giving that lively and positive vibe, don’t just start discussing something negative or complain all of a sudden.
It’s a nonverbal signal that shows interest. This works best if you’re in a group of people and your crush starts talking about something; lean it a bit to them to show that you’re engaged in the story, and you want more of it.
Tilting Your Head
If you’re not comfortable leaning in but want to express interest, try tilting your head on the side. Add extended gazing in the mix, and you’re good to go! This means you’re interested in the person you’re talking to and that you’re present in the moment. Just be careful when doing this action though, try not to look over their head as your partner might think you’re uninterested with what they’re saying.
When trying to flirt with someone, you should always be attentive to what they’re saying and their body language. This could help you figure out the next steps that you should take. For example, by observing their verbal and nonverbal cues, you’ll be able to determine if you’re going to be more flirty or if you’ll need to halt some of that playful energy.
8Take off the pressure.
Here’s another important tip to remember. As you flirt with someone, don’t take it too seriously. Remember, this is a date; you’re simply trying to know someone who could possibly be a romantic partner. This doesn’t make or break your love life.
If you’re tried flirting with them, and it didn’t end up as the happy ending that you would expect, don’t think that it’s the end of everything and that you’ll end up all alone. In fact, this only means that you’re a few steps away from meeting that special someone.
By taking off the pressure, you become more relaxed during the deed. This will help you flirt as you don’t obsess with every move or word that you say. So stop overthinking about everything and go with the flow instead.
If you can’t meet your crush right now but still want to flirt with them, going online is the key! What’s great about flirting online is that you’ll get to build a romantic connection with someone, without an awkward introduction, as opposed to meeting someone on the spot. The downside, though, is that messages can get misinterpreted easily. Here are some virtual flirting tips to get you started.
9Check your online presence first.
Before you start flirting with someone online, check if your social media profile is appealing or not. This is vital for people who are trying to date someone they’ve never met in person.
You don’t necessarily have to assess your posts, but just make sure that you’ve got the basics covered. This means that you have an appealing profile picture, your actual name is posted, and that you have photos and posts that showcase your personality and interests.
We get that your socmed profile isn’t a direct reflection of your character, but since you’re trying to connect with them online, you’ll need to make a good impression through your account.
10Engage on their social media accounts.
If you’ve messaged this person and they started engaging with you, this is also a good time to engage with photos, text posts, and their other social media content. This shows that you’re interested in knowing them and that you like the things they’ve engaged in. However, keep in mind to only like several of their posts— you may be perceived as a creep if you start liking posts that are several years old.
11Be upfront with your intentions.
Once you’ve established that flirtatious bond, we recommend setting the record straight and tell them your intentions. If you’re looking for a romantic partner, friends with benefits, or an online fling, just let them know. In that way, you’ll both have realistic expectations about the relationship.
Also, if you’ve tried flirting with them and it didn’t work well on your end, don’t leave them hanging and instead tell them if you’re no longer interested— say no to ghosting!
12Keep the convo light, fun, and exciting.
As we’ve mentioned earlier, you need to make an effort to keep the conversation going. Focus on open-ended questions and let your crush share their stories. You can also use emojis, memes, and gifs as a playful response to some of their messages. And when things start to steam up, you can start sending flirty texts.
13Exchange photos from time to time.
Aside from sharing memes or sending texts to each other, we highly recommend exchanging photos from time to time. It could be a selfie, the food they’re currently eating, their pets, their current view, the show they’re watching— anything that shows a specific aspect of their life. And when you do receive some photos, don’t forget to shower them with compliments.
14Don’t over text!
When trying to flirt with someone online, remind yourself that your crush has a life outside the social media space. Don’t expect to reply to every message within seconds. By sending multiple texts or guilt-tripping your crush to reply quickly, you’re just killing the fun and playful vibe. It can also be considered a relationship red flag, so if your flirting intention is to become your crush’s romantic partner, don’t be too demanding.
15Save the personal questions on the meetup.
As we’ve mentioned earlier, you’ll need to keep the conversation going. However, don’t go on the personal or intimate questions just yet. Talk about those things once you have the meetup. Talking about sensitive topics online is okay, but you or your crush may misinterpret certain things.
On the other hand, if you’ve talked about it in person, you can have a more appropriate response to their story, as you can observe the tone of their voice and their body language.
16Don’t just focus on texting; opt for phone and video calls too.
You know what’s great about the internet? It’s constantly evolving. This means that you’re no longer limited to texting when trying to flirt with someone. You can now have calls, video calls, Netflix parties, or even play games together. You have different ways to bond with this special someone, so use that to your advantage.
General Flirting Tips
After sharing some in-person and online flirting tips, here’s a short section of general flirting tips— you can incorporate them in personal or online encounters. Read on!
17Confidence is the key.
You know what makes a person hella sexy? Confidence. Even if you’re inexperienced in flirting, having a sense of trust in yourself can do wonders when approaching someone.
Take note, though, that being conceited is different from being confident. A confident person has a sense of self-assurance, while an arrogant person has an exaggerated sense of self-importance.
18Express your unique self.
Another important tip to take note of when trying to flirt is to be yourself. We know that it sounds cliche at this point, but expressing your authentic self can help you find that special someone. Don’t pretend that you like *this* and you’re interested in *that* so you can impress your crush.
Aside from the possibility of backfiring in the future, keeping an ultra-modified version of yourself will be exhausting in the long run. So if you’re looking for a long-term partner, showcase your true personality as you flirt with this special person.
19Don’t put so much expectation on one person.
As we’ve mentioned in the first part of this guide, going on a date with someone doesn’t make or break your love life. If things went well, good for you. If you tried to flirt with your date and didn’t end well, simply move on from the encounter. At least you tried, right? So don’t put yourself down and instead use the date as a learning experience.
20Practice, practice, and practice!
Speaking of learning experience, flirting is a skill that requires tons of practice. It’s like an exercise routine; the more you do it, the better you’ll be at it. So go ahead and move out of your comfort zone, pal. You might not realize it, but love awaits on the other side.
Being good at flirting doesn’t happen overnight. Whether you want to flirt in person or online, you’ll need to have tons of practice. So if you’re starting out, don’t expect to master the art of flirting just yet. Instead, just keep on doing it, learn from the mistakes, and soon enough, you’ll be able to engage in a fun and playful way more easily and flawlessly. Good luck!