Learning how to bottom is inclusive to those who are a part of the LGBTQ+ community or not. While there’s someone on top of you, ready to please, you’re at the bottom, ready to revel in satisfaction. Quite the general definition, but there’s a lot more than what meets the eye.
What does it mean to be a bottom?
Insider defines a bottom as someone who is mainly a receiver during sex, whether that means oral sex, penetration, or other sexual acts. Their counterpart is a top. The bottom within the top-bottom pairing applies to couples of all sexual orientations. It can also be a physical state wherein you’re underneath your partner as they sexually please you.
Another general way to define a bottom is that they may rely on their partner to please them, but they are actually the ones with the most power. The top works around their pleasure, checking in with them often and ensuring that their needs are met. And if the bottom wants to stop, the top will do so out of respect. Regardless of the power exchange, the people involved are equals.
Types of Bottoms
Let’s delve into such types based on this article from the Insider, which are also commonly used within the LGBTQ+ community.
1 Power Bottoms
This type of bottoms plays a more active role, wherein they would instruct their top how to please them and instantly correct them when they’re satisfying them wrong. They guide the dominants from their perspectives while still laying back, enjoying what they can offer them. It can be done by telling them which part of your body needs some touching or the next set of activities you want to do.
2 Bratty Bottoms
This type of bottoms is the verbally teasing kind, wherein they like to play around with their top’s emotions and patience. They like to test them while still giving them physical control rather than fully submitting to them.
3 Stone Bottoms
Now, these bottoms are firm with their boundaries on touching or giving pleasure to their top. They mostly like to lay back and relish in the sensations their partner can give them, less likely to initiate.
One example of a stone bottom is a pillow princess.
Steps on How to Bottom
Finally, onto the bold and explorative part! In this section, we’ll tackle 8 vital steps on how to bottom that’ll ensure a great first-time experience for you. Or even improve your bottoming game!
1 Be in the right mood.
In order for magnificent things to prosper and thrive, they require build-up. This is especially important with sex, whether as a bottom or top. But since we’re focusing more on how to bottom here, let’s head in that direction. Setting and being in the proper mood is the time for your body to relax. As it will experience penetration and stimulation later on, it must be in a calm state that also makes it easier for arousal to seep in.
Setting the mood can start during the day or at night when you’re done with work or school. With the former, it can be through sending suggestive texts or pictures to your partner all throughout the day when you’re apart. As for the latter, it can be at home as you unwind and rest for a bit, maybe eat good food and cuddle together while watching your favorite TV shows and/or movies.
Being in the right mood opens your mind up to the possibilities as your stresses for the day momentarily wash away. And when one of them is sex, it’ll feel effortless and natural to choose.
2 Take your time with foreplay.
With the mood set in stone, foreplay should feel natural to transition to as you learn how to bottom. It also soothes any tension as it puts you in the sexual zone without the main act (whatever it may be) occurring yet. Foreplay allows you to get touchy and close with your partner, amplifying your intimacy levels with one another. Thus, foreplay shouldn’t be skipped!
3 Stay within your comfort level.
This step applies to both those who are new to bottoming or in the game for a long time. As penetration can provide impactful pleasure for both the top and the bottom, being under stress, anxiety, or inexperience may cause discomfort. Thus, communicating beforehand with your partner about your worries or having sexual performance anxiety is crucial.
That way, you’d avoid going extreme and exceeding your current limitations. Whatever state you’re in, you celebrate it by maximizing the possibilities that lie there. Or even as simple as taking a break to hydrate or breathe as you’re both going at it respects your current comfort level.
4 Lube is your best friend.
Before trying to slide anything inside you, this step must be done as you venture through how to bottom. Yes, your body may be warmed up, but applying lube helps avoid friction and possible tearing during penetration. Lube makes sex smoother and more pleasurable, alongside having various types to choose from.
Lube is extra important during anal sex, where there is no natural wetness formed, unlike vaginal sex. Although with the latter, adding lube with your wetness can make sex more fun.
As much as possible, lube extra more during anal sex. But do invest in lubing up during vaginal sex as well as you learn how to bottom.
5 When you’re ready, journey through numerous sex positions.
Once your body has adjusted to the role of a bottom, it would be even more vital to try out new positions the further along you go. Not just for spice but for your body to be more flexible. The fewer contractions or rustiness on your sexual activeness, the better.
6 Venture through sex toys too.
Whether with a partner or alone, sex toys can aid in adjusting your body as you learn how to bottom. If anal play, there are anal plugs of varying textures and sizes that can help you get used to the stretch. Want some rumbling action, anal vibrators exist too. Or maybe craving vaginal penetration? There are various vibrators from mini to rabbit that can give you the appropriate stretch and buzzes.
7 Switch the positions every now and then.
Avoid being too strict or firm on the labels of top and bottom. It’s helpful to keep an open mind as it’s possible that you may be strictly a bottom now without returning the pleasure. But over time, you’d want to be a bottom who takes charge occasionally. Or maybe a top! Sexual preferences are fluid, changing every so often.
It also widens your knowledge of sex and encourages a growth mindset as you can learn if you keep exploring beyond your horizons.
8 Don’t forget to do aftercare!
After all that steaminess as you venture into how to bottom, it’ll exhaust you. But in a good way! Rather than leaving it as is and passing out, doing aftercare to cap things off must be set in place. It’s the last phase of every sexcapade (that people still seem to forget). Doing this is a way to show respect and decency between you and your partner.
Safety Tips Before Learning How to Bottom
Now, hold your horses! Before you get it from behind or your vulva area, we prepared a list of tips to remember that’ll ensure your safety through his bold journey.
1 Talk to your partner.
Before starting your journey on how to bottom, communicating with your partner must be done. Mutual consent must be given right away. Voice out your non-negotiables, fantasies, and the kinks that you’re willing to do. Tell them about your boundaries (physical, mental, emotional, and sexual) to avoid any unplanned surprises.
It may help to get clear that you’re both clean from any STDs or contagious conditions. You may even get checked together every now and then.
A discussion like this should occur during your free time so any stresses from your busy lives won’t interfere with or shift the open mood whatsoever.
Easier said than done, but this tip is how you avoid physical discomfort. For anal sex, Bespoke Surgical recommends that it’s important to exercise your anal sphincters through regular dilation. That area is always contracting, thus using dilators would relax that part.
Aside from this, it helps to practice mindful breathing, meditation, yoga, and reduce exposure to stressful situations as much as possible.
3 Set realistic goals.
Knowing your body helps massively here as you learn how to bottom. That way, you know what it’s capable of handling and what it’s not. For example, if your vulva area is narrow, you may have to be careful with the girth of your partner’s penis. The same is with your anal area, wherein if you know length could be a challenge, stick to shorter ones.
4 Prioritize safe sex and protection.
Unprotected sex can increase your risks of contracting STDS, experiencing a pregnancy scare, or getting an unexpected pregnancy. This is for both anal and vaginal penetration. If you’re sleeping with a new partner, always wrap it up with a condom on your first encounter. Or if you’re with a long-time partner, wearing a condom and keeping the sex off the rough side keeps you both safe regardless. And by rough, it just may rip the condom mid-sex, which can ruin its purpose entirely.
5 Clear out your backdoor area.
The last thing you want to experience if you’re doing anal play is [insert poop emoji]. And that can be avoided by going to the bathroom or douching beforehand. Don’t hold it in or miss out on this so it won’t disrupt the flow of your anal sexcapade.
6 Practice makes progress.
Especially if you’re a bottom at anal sex, your backdoor area needs time to adjust to different sizes. Aside from the dilation mentioned earlier, improving the contractions of your anal area is also important. That can be done by exercising your pelvic floor or working out the lower extremities in general.
As mentioned earlier, using sex toys to adjust your body to the feelings related to sex is of help as it won’t put you in a dry spell. Either that, or you’re back to square one.
Being consistent leads to growth and overall improvement in your bottom game. Setbacks will be present, so it’s up to you on how you’ll rise from them rather than fall. Then all in all, it’s also key to be patient with yourself and remember that your hard work won’t betray you.
7 Have a healthy diet.
Douching too much isn’t a good thing, so if you want to lessen doing that activity, eat the proper foods. Them recommends a potential bottom to eat “fiber, raw vegetables, fruit, and whole wheat foods” if you want a clean bottom as a bottom.
8 Seek professional help.
Getting any injuries or feeling pain may occur if you take it from the back, which can usually improve through OTC medications or abstinence. But in case any of those injuries don’t heal or haven’t been alleviated, it’s best to seek medical help from a professional for your next steps. In fact, even if you’re experiencing pain at a mild level, visiting your doctor regularly further prevents any serious conditions or injuries from happening moving forward.
Learning how to bottom is a journey of progress and growth. It takes time to get accustomed to new sensations and explore every sex position out there. As long as you’re attuned to your needs and firm with your boundaries, every experience of yours as a bottom will be amazing regardless of how long you’ve been in the game.